Worried for my younger sister

[Anonymous]

She recently turned 31.
She lives at home with our parents, doesn't go out much except for work.
She doesn't have a boyfriend, and to my knowledge has never been on a date. Before anyone asks I'm certain she is straight.
She's not unattractive, but doesn't do much with her appearance and her personality is to put it nicely " quirky".
She's educated.
I'm worried she's missing out on life, at her age I had just married and a place of my own, my youngest sister is more together than she is. I'm worried she'll never "grow up".
Is there a way to approach this delicately.

[Anonymous]

Unless she expresses a need for your help, I would let her be.

[Anonymous]

The thing is she's sort of mentioned it to me casually years ago, but nothing really ever came of it.

I just hate to see her miss out.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she might have a mild form of autism.

[Anonymous]

What is her job? Oftentimes, that is a good way to meet people (friends to go out with, not necessarily dating) and get out while still staying somewhat in one's comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her job? Oftentimes, that is a good way to meet people (friends to go out with, not necessarily dating) and get out while still staying somewhat in one's comfort zone.

She works in early childhood education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing is she's sort of mentioned it to me casually years ago, but nothing really ever came of it.

I just hate to see her miss out.

First pp here.
I see. Why don't you address it indirectly? Some people, especially if they have self esteem issues (which she may or may not) might be mortified by having these issues addressed directly. Maybe have a spa day for the two of you with hair manicure etc. maybe it will motivate her in terms of appearances and give her a self esteem boost, if she needs it. If you have a good group of friends maybe invite her for a girls night out or have one with all you sisters?

[Anonymous]

So to put it nicely, her personality is "quirky." Can you explain what that entails?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she might have a mild form of autism.

Not everything is autism, DCUM.

People are socially awkward for a variety of reasons including being shy or being late bloomers. My cousin was a non-dating virgin of similar age to your sister, OP. She lived at home and went to work. I actaully got advice here and voila! She met some shy men on Eharmony. Now engaged to marry in the spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she might have a mild form of autism.

Not everything is autism, DCUM.

People are socially awkward for a variety of reasons including being shy or being late bloomers. My cousin was a non-dating virgin of similar age to your sister, OP. She lived at home and went to work. I actaully got advice here and voila! She met some shy men on Eharmony. Now engaged to marry in the spring.

How were you advised? Spill please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So to put it nicely, her personality is "quirky." Can you explain what that entails?

She just doesn't seem to know how to be an adult woman. Examples :

I'll try my best to explain 9 times out 10 she's wearing, jeans, yoga pants, or overalls t-shirts and hoodies and sneakers. If she veers from that it's hippie skirts and t-shirts. The few times she's tried she's stunning so I don't know why she doesn't do it more often.

For fun she writes stories.

She's kind of a space cadet.

In public she doesn't really talk to people, sometimes stares, and small talk is awkward.

I don't think she'd notice if a man was interested in her.

She wears hats for holidays, last Christmas she wore a light up reindeer headband and on Thanksgiving she had a turkey hat, which the kids loved.

In writing this out it doesn't seem all bad, but all together it just seems immature, and it would be fine if I thought she were happy with it, but I don't think she is. I just think she's given up.
Also our parents are ageing , and I think it's time she's moved out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She recently turned 31.
She lives at home with our parents, doesn't go out much except for work.
She doesn't have a boyfriend, and to my knowledge has never been on a date. Before anyone asks I'm certain she is straight.
She's not unattractive, but doesn't do much with her appearance and her personality is to put it nicely " quirky".
She's educated.
I'm worried she's missing out on life, at her age I had just married and a place of my own, my youngest sister is more together than she is. I'm worried she'll never "grow up".
Is there a way to approach this delicately.

Don't be judgy. Be supportive. There are a lot of us in that boat to be honest.

In fact there was an article in the wapo in the last 18 months on how the 25-29 (so your sister falls in that age range when it was written) older millenial set showed the most economic damage compared to their older and younger siblings.

As you can see, among the youngest set — those 18 to 24 years old — the share stuck at home has been falling for the past couple of years as the economy has improved. But among the slightly older group, those 25 to 34, the share living in their parents’ basements has been rising.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/rampage/wp/2015/07/14/older-millennials-still-stuck-in-their-parents-basements/

My siblings and parents are pretty understanding and realize it has nothing to with my responsibility or life skills (which I have more than my siblings) but purely economics.

If your sister is otherwise is healthy - i.e. eats well, sleeps well, exercises, maintains hygiene, etc. Then it isn't an issue of not 'growing up' but just not having the economic resources to do so.

I think culturally southern europe has it right on this one.

[Anonymous]

Get her to do match.com. It's very hard to meet people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I just hate to see her miss out.

Miss out on what, exactly? Societal expectations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Miss out on what, exactly? Societal expectations?

The opportunity to hook a man and his money.