What are your rules for your teen regarding dating?

[Anonymous]

Both DH and I grew up fairly conservatively, and married young. Don't want to band dating all together, but don't want teen's life consumed by it either.
Also, what is your boundaries for interactions within your home? Obviously they are to remain in public areas, but do you allow hand holding and kissing?

[Anonymous]

Don't knock her up.
Or don't get pregnant.
Provide birth control.

[Anonymous]

My two oldest are 21 and 24. I suppose they'd be considered late-bloomers. Neither had sex until they were in college. Both had significant others in high school though. We created rules as they were needed. If they wanted to go out with someone on a date, we needed to meet them. Nobody was allowed to pull into the driveway and honk their horn or text to come out - they needed to park and ring the doorbell. Your significant other may attend Sunday Dinner. They may NOT take you away from it.

Not allowed on the floor with the bedrooms, but I tried to keep the little kids out of the common areas when they had boyfriends/girlfriends over (my little kids could NOT plop down on the couch to watch a movie with the high school kids). Yes, hand-holding and kissing were allowed.

I had two kids as a teenager, and my kids have been subjected to a LOT of talks about relationships and sex and birth control, etc. They've had it pointed out that both if they are going to have sex and can't bring themselves to do it, I will get them condoms and birth control. However, if they don't have the maturity to get it themselves, they are not mature enough to be having sex and they should think about that, extensively. They've been given a lot of talks about what to expect from a boyfriend/girlfriend, and what they're obligated to give as one.

[Anonymous]

Nowadays, "dating" is a euphemism for sex. Very, very few teenagers are emotionally ready for such a relationship. So, no "dating" for my girls while they're under our roof.

I'm ready for more liberal parents to tell me what a square I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nowadays, "dating" is a euphemism for sex. Very, very few teenagers are emotionally ready for such a relationship. So, no "dating" for my girls while they're under our roof.

I'm ready for more liberal parents to tell me what a square I am.

I'm not liberal, quite conservative, actually, but I'm curious why you think this. Is this what you've observed amongst your childrens' peers?

When will they first be able to date? When they leave to go to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nowadays, "dating" is a euphemism for sex. Very, very few teenagers are emotionally ready for such a relationship. So, no "dating" for my girls while they're under our roof.

I'm ready for more liberal parents to tell me what a square I am.

OP here, I was actually brought up similarly to this as was my husband. I appreciate your perspective, but we don't want to do the same, and dating is ok with us. I'm looking for advice on how to achieve a healthy balance if possible.
I do not believe our teen is sexually active, but does have someone special. I don't want them to feel badly for having those feelings or that they have to hide the person from us, but I want to avoid having dating become their entire focus. If that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nowadays, "dating" is a euphemism for sex. Very, very few teenagers are emotionally ready for such a relationship. So, no "dating" for my girls while they're under our roof.

I'm ready for more liberal parents to tell me what a square I am.

Really? My observation is that there's lots of pressure to play it cool and keep it casual, but teens definitely want to fall in love as much as they did 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two oldest are 21 and 24. I suppose they'd be considered late-bloomers. Neither had sex until they were in college. Both had significant others in high school though. We created rules as they were needed. If they wanted to go out with someone on a date, we needed to meet them. Nobody was allowed to pull into the driveway and honk their horn or text to come out - they needed to park and ring the doorbell. Your significant other may attend Sunday Dinner. They may NOT take you away from it.

Not allowed on the floor with the bedrooms, but I tried to keep the little kids out of the common areas when they had boyfriends/girlfriends over (my little kids could NOT plop down on the couch to watch a movie with the high school kids). Yes, hand-holding and kissing were allowed.

I had two kids as a teenager, and my kids have been subjected to a LOT of talks about relationships and sex and birth control, etc. They've had it pointed out that both if they are going to have sex and can't bring themselves to do it, I will get them condoms and birth control. However, if they don't have the maturity to get it themselves, they are not mature enough to be having sex and they should think about that, extensively. They've been given a lot of talks about what to expect from a boyfriend/girlfriend, and what they're obligated to give as one.

Thanks for this. helps a lot.

Did you put in limits for during the school week or amount of time they could spend together?
Did you insist on meeting the other set of parents?
Did you monitor text messages?

[Anonymous]

I think open communication is the key. My teens are not dating yet, but they are not barred from dating. They have gone out with friends in large or small groups.

They have had years of interaction where we have tried to instill good values in them. Hopefully, they are now able to make good choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nowadays, "dating" is a euphemism for sex. Very, very few teenagers are emotionally ready for such a relationship. So, no "dating" for my girls while they're under our roof.

I'm ready for more liberal parents to tell me what a square I am.

OP here, I was actually brought up similarly to this as was my husband. I appreciate your perspective, but we don't want to do the same, and dating is ok with us. I'm looking for advice on how to achieve a healthy balance if possible.
I do not believe our teen is sexually active, but does have someone special. I don't want them to feel badly for having those feelings or that they have to hide the person from us, but I want to avoid having dating become their entire focus. If that makes sense.

I married my high school sweetheart. His parents hated my existence. In the long run, I think they really hurt themselves and their relationship with DH. So I suppose my point is, take the relationship seriously because you never know if it will last!

We were not allowed upstairs and I think that is fair. We were also not allowed to be unsupervised, but I think that was ineffective since there were so many ways we could sneak off. We didn't have sex until college, and I'm in my 20s, so this wasn't that long ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nowadays, "dating" is a euphemism for sex. Very, very few teenagers are emotionally ready for such a relationship. So, no "dating" for my girls while they're under our roof.

I'm ready for more liberal parents to tell me what a square I am.

This is how my parents treated me and it messed me up. My dad tried to drill it in me that men only wanted sex from me. While this is true to a certain extent, I missed out on forming friendships with men and went to college with the impression that I wasn't worth friendship or conversation to a man. So I had a lot of sex. I sold myself short. I was used badly. But this is exactly what my father taught me.

[Anonymous]

Did you put in limits for during the school week or amount of time they could spend together?
Did you insist on meeting the other set of parents?
Did you monitor text messages?

1. Obviously they couldn't skip commitments in order to spend time with each other. The kids were in school, sports, teams, part-time jobs, etc. So they were busy, and carving out time for girlfriends/boyfriends.
2. No. I met DS's girlfriend's parents the day of prom. We talked on the phone before that, to have a little "here's what's allowed at my house" chat.
3. Hell no!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nowadays, "dating" is a euphemism for sex. Very, very few teenagers are emotionally ready for such a relationship. So, no "dating" for my girls while they're under our roof.

I'm ready for more liberal parents to tell me what a square I am.

This is how my parents treated me and it messed me up. My dad tried to drill it in me that men only wanted sex from me. While this is true to a certain extent, I missed out on forming friendships with men and went to college with the impression that I wasn't worth friendship or conversation to a man. So I had a lot of sex. I sold myself short. I was used badly. But this is exactly what my father taught me.

+1 Dating is a life skill and should be taught like one. My parents are Asian and were strongly anti-dating until the switch flipped and suddenly I was supposed to have already found a husband. I found this extremely unrealistic. Lots of kids show up at college having dated already, I think being too restrictive puts your kid at and makes them easy to take advantage of.

[Anonymous]

*at risk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nowadays, "dating" is a euphemism for sex. Very, very few teenagers are emotionally ready for such a relationship. So, no "dating" for my girls while they're under our roof.

I'm ready for more liberal parents to tell me what a square I am.

Not going to tell you you're a square but I think you are off base with this assumption. This was not the case for our kids or their group of friends. What we observed was that the kids from homes with the most rigid rules and where dating was taboo, were the most secretive and tended to rebel the most. The kids that were allowed to hang out in groups and evolve into age appropriate dating were much less likely to engage in rebellious behaviors.