Sibling doesn't want to exchange gifts this year. Why does this bother me?

[Anonymous]

She gave me a list for her kids and said not to get her and BIL anything. In the past she has always scoffed at people that only exchange with kids. The only thing I can think of is they came into a lot of money last year through a lucrative business deal and made a lot of big purchases, etc. I think they don't want to exchange gifts because we can't afford anything they like. I know that sounds silly but the more money her husband made over the years that's the impression I got the last few Christmases. Then this year they decide not to exchange at all. The list for her kids hurt my feelings as well because I thought I always got them nice gifts. I'm probably taking it way too personally but would anyone else feel miffed?

[Anonymous]

Maybe they realize ready do not need stuff.
You are over thinking and projecting ur feelings of financial inadequacy on to them.
Knock it off and save ur sanity.
Enjoy your sister, ur kids, her kids.
End of story.

[Anonymous]

When I became more minimalistic I stopped wanting tangible items. Now I've learned it makes people feel good to give things, so I ask for things I'll use up, like spices or foods. But I have four scarves - there's REALLY no need for yet another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I became more minimalistic I stopped wanting tangible items. Now I've learned it makes people feel good to give things, so I ask for things I'll use up, like spices or foods. But I have four scarves - there's REALLY no need for yet another.

Thanks for saying this. This is the reason I do wish lists and couldn't put it into words. I ask for things I would buy myself

[Anonymous]

Question: why does SHE get to decide?
She doesn't. You two are equals (even if she happens to be older)
I'd say, "sorry, I think we should exchange gifts"
then give her one even if she doesn't reciprocate. I'd do that for
a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they realize ready do not need stuff.
You are over thinking and projecting ur feelings of financial inadequacy on to them.
Knock it off and save ur sanity.
Enjoy your sister, ur kids, her kids.
End of story.

Agree. OP, you're an adult. It's time to act like one.

[Anonymous]

I don't exchange gifts with my siblings or parents. Our houses are all full of junk and nobody needs anything more.

[Anonymous]

give her a Heifer goat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I became more minimalistic I stopped wanting tangible items. Now I've learned it makes people feel good to give things, so I ask for things I'll use up, like spices or foods. But I have four scarves - there's REALLY no need for yet another.

That's a really good point, PP. I've been wishing we could stop exchanging gifts for awhile in large part because I feel like our house is full of things, but perhaps the consumable wish list is the way to go instead of asking to stop gifts altogether. As much as I hate adding clutter, I also don't want to hurt family members' feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question: why does SHE get to decide?
She doesn't. You two are equals (even if she happens to be older)
I'd say, "sorry, I think we should exchange gifts"
then give her one even if she doesn't reciprocate. I'd do that for
a few years.

Ah, yes, that's the spirit of giving. Shove gifts on people who don't want them. I'm sure OP has plenty of people with which to exchange gifts. Why would you advise FORCING gifts on people who don't want them? That's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question: why does SHE get to decide?
She doesn't. You two are equals (even if she happens to be older)
I'd say, "sorry, I think we should exchange gifts"
then give her one even if she doesn't reciprocate. I'd do that for
a few years.

Adults generally do not exchange gifts once kids come into the picture.

OP, if you are stuck on exchanging gifts, why don't you suggest something like an alcohol exchange for the adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question: why does SHE get to decide?
She doesn't. You two are equals (even if she happens to be older)
I'd say, "sorry, I think we should exchange gifts"
then give her one even if she doesn't reciprocate. I'd do that for
a few years.

Adults generally do not exchange gifts once kids come into the picture.

OP, if you are stuck on exchanging gifts, why don't you suggest something like an alcohol exchange for the adults?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question: why does SHE get to decide?
She doesn't. You two are equals (even if she happens to be older)
I'd say, "sorry, I think we should exchange gifts"
then give her one even if she doesn't reciprocate. I'd do that for
a few years.

That's dumb as a donkey. I get to decide whether or not I want to give someone a gift or if I want one. And if I do not want one, I am going to be a grown up and let someone know that so they do not waste their time and money. PP is might self-involved.

[Anonymous]

My SIL insisted we exchange gifts for many years. I kept telling my DH to ask her to stop. Who wants to exchange gift cards with adults or spend hours hunting down the perfect gift for another adult? Christmas gifts are for kids, the elderly, and the less fortunate.

[Anonymous]

I would be thrilled.

If you are uncomfortable with giving nothing, then donate to a charity in her name. Then tell her that she is not obligated to reciprocate, that you are all fortunate beyond measure, and that you look forward to spending time with her over the holidays.