Spouse job basically now requires to be logged in every night

[Anonymous]

How long is that sustainable? Have a newborn and a toddler and just miss my DH.

[Anonymous]

Ridiculous! Not sustainable at all. Find another job.

[Anonymous]

Every night? 7 nights a week seems a bit much. But how much is his/her salary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every night? 7 nights a week seems a bit much. But how much is his/her salary?

You are right, I mis-spoke but only sort of M-Th about 2 hours (granted while watching TV or what not but not really "there"). Friday sometime it's nothing, sometimes just 45 minutes to an hour. He will log in at least an hour or 2 oN Sat and Sun but that's not usually at night.

Salary with bonus thus year is about 180 ish. He feels golden handcuffed I think because he's been in this industry for 10 years and even though he is an engineer with an MBA to boot, and lots.of.leadership, he isn't in software, which he feels like all engineer jobs here are now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long is that sustainable? Have a newborn and a toddler and just miss my DH.

My DH has been "logged in" as long as I have know him. It is what it is. You can chose to let it annoy you and place greater stress on him or realize that it is simply a part of some jobs and some industries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every night? 7 nights a week seems a bit much. But how much is his/her salary?

You are right, I mis-spoke but only sort of M-Th about 2 hours (granted while watching TV or what not but not really "there"). Friday sometime it's nothing, sometimes just 45 minutes to an hour. He will log in at least an hour or 2 oN Sat and Sun but that's not usually at night.

Salary with bonus thus year is about 180 ish. He feels golden handcuffed I think because he's been in this industry for 10 years and even though he is an engineer with an MBA to boot, and lots.of.leadership, he isn't in software, which he feels like all engineer jobs here are now.

Doesn't seem too terrible for 180k unless he's rolling in from the office at 7:30pm. Then I can see it being untenable.

[Anonymous]

That is simply the life of a working man in todays society and economy. In my work group there are people online at all times of the day over the weekends and even on holidays. The management expects it. they track it. They require a certain level of online time. It isn't only private sector but government also. I always surprises me that wives think that husbands can simply change jobs or work groups or limit their work days because their work is "untenable." How would you feel if the husband refused to work as required and then was out of a job. Would you be here upset that your husband lost his job and isn't contributing enough now that he is unemployed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is simply the life of a working man in todays society and economy. In my work group there are people online at all times of the day over the weekends and even on holidays. The management expects it. they track it. They require a certain level of online time. It isn't only private sector but government also. I always surprises me that wives think that husbands can simply change jobs or work groups or limit their work days because their work is "untenable." How would you feel if the husband refused to work as required and then was out of a job. Would you be here upset that your husband lost his job and isn't contributing enough now that he is unemployed?

Yeah, my DW thinks this. She thinks a jobs at $150K plus are just lying around to be picked up. She also fails to understand that it is not simply the salary that is important, but the benefits like the 401K, the vacation time, etc. I work for a Fed Agency and I am vested in the TSP and the pension with eligibility to retire in five years. Quitting now would not only reduce my retirement, but also throw away all the vacation time I've earned over the years - now 26 days per year. Plus, I actually love my job! I have enormous job satisfaction. Sure, I could perhaps go out and work for a contractor for a higher salary, but for me I earn more than enough, have a retirement plan, great leave benefits, etc. and see no real reason to change other than she doesn't like that the job requires so much travel.

I have already changed jobs for her once, and it never really changed the marital family dynamic, so why change again? She is going to be unhappy no matter what I do. So, she just needs to suck it up for another five years or so.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and they don't mind spending the money we bring in.

[Anonymous]

Not at all uncommon, especially around here. In my industry, they began issuing blackberries about 10yrs ago and since then there's been an expectation that everyone above a certain pay grade is generally reachable between 6am and 10 or 11pm. DH and many of our friends regularly log on at night or in the morning.

I'm sorry, OP. Perhaps the two of you can talk about how to balance that with the family time needed in the evenings or on weekends to share the parenting burden, but in this day and age it's the way of the world.

[Anonymous]

My husband has this issue as well (he hates it). He and the Assistant Secretary trade emails up to 11pm or later at times. He's logged on 5-6 nights a week from after the kids go to bed until 11ish.

Mine makes a lot less than the OP's husband too.

(PS- I work full time myself, so I understand that it's not easy to just change jobs. I would totally support him getting a new job at lower pay if it made him happy.)

[Anonymous]

My husband's job is like this but he makes less money and also gets home after 7. Neither if us love this aspect of the job (TV news producer), but overall he likes and believes in what he does so we take the bad with the good. But if he could switch relatively easily to something with less night work, I think he would try to do it.

[Anonymous]

I just wonder for how many people this time is truly productive. How many managers are mismanaging people by requiring this. Is this really a good use of a worker's time at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is simply the life of a working man in todays society and economy. In my work group there are people online at all times of the day over the weekends and even on holidays. The management expects it. they track it. They require a certain level of online time. It isn't only private sector but government also. I always surprises me that wives think that husbands can simply change jobs or work groups or limit their work days because their work is "untenable." How would you feel if the husband refused to work as required and then was out of a job. Would you be here upset that your husband lost his job and isn't contributing enough now that he is unemployed?

+1. Most of the jobs are like this now. DH is a fed who does this even. And of course no overtime ever. I wish 40 hour work weeks were mandated. I feel like employers are taking advantage of salaried employees.

My employees are hourly and if I asked them to work overtime without pay, I would be investigated and shut down.

[Anonymous]

Does he have to be logged in or just accessible? I don't have to be logged in, but I do have to be reachable. Not all the time, but there are definitely busy times of year when stuff will happen after I leave the office and I have to deal with it that night. (and I don't even make awesome money; worst of both worlds.)

Is he not getting stuff done during the day because he's unproductive there or has too many meetings? Is the workflow happening after hours because of coworkers or clients in other time zones? Those things can factor in. (I know a guy who is working a zillion hours a day because he deals with clients in Japan and his boss won't let him shift his work hours around that.)