In-laws and mandatory presents

[Anonymous]

DH and I are in our mid-20s and not exactly rolling in dough, but doing our best to save as much as possible. For the whole time we have been married (and prior to that), DH's parents have emailed him prior to each of their birthdays, mother's/father's day, and Christmas telling him that they would like a specific gift or gifts. Each of these gifts is usually about $100, so this adds up to roughly $600 year. I think this is unfair - we send cards but never ask them for presents (although they do send things we don't ask for) and this is a pretty large expense for where we are at.

Am I being stingy? I would much rather we just exchanged cards and bought ourselves the things we wanted. It just doesn't sit well with me that they essentially tell us we need to buy them these gifts.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a doormat. So are you. Stop buying things you can't afford.

[Anonymous]

Tell them it's not in your budget this year. Ask if there is something less expensive or send something of your choosing that you can afford.
You could also say that you prefer not to exchange gifts this year.

[Anonymous]

My inlaws were the same way when we were first married, or rather I should say that my DH treated their list like a shopping list. We got crappy gifts in return so it stopped after a couple of years.

Now the issue is that they get cheap gifts for my DDs and DS gets expensive gifts that are too old for him.

[Anonymous]

No you're not being stingy.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I consider the cost of not doing something before I think about whether it's too expensive. Avoiding problems with your husband is probably worth more than $600 per year. Avoiding problems with your in laws might be worth some money too.

This being said, I am cheap and would have difficulty being told to buy expensive gifts. I'd probably deal with it by raising the subject first - maybe by saying something like next year your like to talk about cutting back on gifts because you are saving for a house or trying to get finances in order so you can have kids or something like that. But key is to raise it before you get a list.

[Anonymous]

Grow a spine, be a little resourceful, and solve this problem.

"Nancy, Jim and I talked about it, and the gifts you've chosen aren't in our budget. That's a lovely cashmere sweater you picked out. We'd like to give you a $XX Ann Taylor gift card toward the purchase. If there's something in the $XX price range you'd rather have, please let us know!"

[Anonymous]

You give what you can afford not what they decide you can afford.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the links, but something small, don't even mention the money. Play dumb if they mention it. "Oh you didn't like the chocolates?".

[Anonymous]

Yes--ignore the lists. AND put this all in your DH's court to manage. Seriously. Let him remember and acknowledge his parents' birthdays, etc, or not. Follow whatever protocol you would if he wanted toe pend money on himself, but otherwise let it not be your problem.

[Anonymous]

We're late 20s, but we set a $40-50 limit per parents. They still gift us with $200 presents, but we can't help that. We just aren't going to reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

I would probably say that we are saving to buy a house and are forgoing presents next year. No need to buy us anything as we will not be buying presents for special occasions in the upcoming year. Then you can add that you would love to spend time together to still celebrate birthdays/CHristmas/whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're late 20s, but we set a $40-50 limit per parents. They still gift us with $200 presents, but we can't help that. We just aren't going to reciprocate.

Oh and mothers day/ fathers day aren't gift giving holidays. We give the moms flowers and take them to lunch. Fathers get taken to movies/fishing and might get cookies instead of flowers. I can't stand how those holidays have become gift giving holidays.

[Anonymous]

They don't seem to understand the meaning of "present". You should never tell people what you want them to get you, unless they specifically ask. Even then you should mention something modest, particularly if they have modest means.

Your husband is ridiculous and I would never allow this nonsense to interfere with my savings goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're late 20s, but we set a $40-50 limit per parents. They still gift us with $200 presents, but we can't help that. We just aren't going to reciprocate.

Oh and mothers day/ fathers day aren't gift giving holidays. We give the moms flowers and take them to lunch. Fathers get taken to movies/fishing and might get cookies instead of flowers. I can't stand how those holidays have become gift giving holidays.

How nice that you live close enough to be with your parents on these days. I don't. So I'm glad that sending them a special gift and calling lets them know that I am thinking of them.