If you were lucky enough to have good parents

[Anonymous]

Or even parents who were human like the rest of us but who did their best not to hurt you and largely succeeded:

For the love of all that is good and holy, don't advise people about situations that you're fortunate not to have lived through.

This is one thing you should be grateful you're clueless about.

[Anonymous]

I understand what you're saying, really I do. My parents are and were very good parents. My siblings are awesome. But I don't think that negates my empathy or even my basic understanding of human interactions. I would never suggest that "love is all you need, blah, blah, blah".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you're saying, really I do. My parents are and were very good parents. My siblings are awesome. But I don't think that negates my empathy or even my basic understanding of human interactions. I would never suggest that "love is all you need, blah, blah, blah".

It actually does mean you don't know how to handle that situation. There is no other situation like having had terrible parents. You know no more about bad parents than your child-free friend knows about raising an infant.

Empathy and support is great. Your advice is not going to be.

[Anonymous]

NP: My child-free friend doesn't have to have a kid to tell me it's OK that I had a C-section, and I should forgive myself. She knows and loves me, and was right.

[Anonymous]

So only abused/neglected kids can grow up to be social workers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So only abused/neglected kids can grow up to be social workers?

Only people who earn degrees in social work can grow up to be social workers.

A social worker would be the first person to tell you it's profoundly damaging to an emotional abuse survivor to tell her how to handle a situation with her toxic parent or to claim that your own relationship with some difficult person is the same.

Empathy is always a welcome thing. But advice is only welcome if it's informed.

Sorry all of the lucky people find that so offensive to hear. But you really have no idea -- unless and until you get a psych or social work degree.

[Anonymous]

Then stop posting about your problems in an open, anonymous online forum and go talk to a counselor.

[Anonymous]

On behalf of my husband, I'm going to disagree. He gives EXCELLENT advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you're saying, really I do. My parents are and were very good parents. My siblings are awesome. But I don't think that negates my empathy or even my basic understanding of human interactions. I would never suggest that "love is all you need, blah, blah, blah".

It actually does mean you don't know how to handle that situation. There is no other situation like having had terrible parents. You know no more about bad parents than your child-free friend knows about raising an infant.

Empathy and support is great. Your advice is not going to be.

Except that it comes sometimes more objectively and baggage free. I personally welcome that sometimes, its nearly impossible to not project your own shit sometimes and not see clearly.

[Anonymous]

My dad has Asperger's. Imagine having Sheldon Cooper for a dad. I really don't think anyone else could ever really understand what that's like. The only useful advice I've ever gotten is from an online support group. I think there are things that other people cannot possibly ever understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or even parents who were human like the rest of us but who did their best not to hurt you and largely succeeded:

For the love of all that is good and holy, don't advise people about situations that you're fortunate not to have lived through.

I will if I want.

[Anonymous]

What prompted this?

OP, it's good to hear occasionally from people with different childhood experiences. You are presumably an adult now, you have choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you're saying, really I do. My parents are and were very good parents. My siblings are awesome. But I don't think that negates my empathy or even my basic understanding of human interactions. I would never suggest that "love is all you need, blah, blah, blah".

It actually does mean you don't know how to handle that situation. There is no other situation like having had terrible parents. You know no more about bad parents than your child-free friend knows about raising an infant.

Empathy and support is great. Your advice is not going to be.

So I guess every therapist that deals with these issues comes from an abusive background ?
Come on now !
What is your point? Sometimes folks on tbe outside can give fresh and healthy perspective to those mired in a situation.
I have received great sympathy and advice from those who have not been thru what I have.
Especially if you have been drowning in dysfunction, sometimes someone else needs to help you see what healthy looks like.
So how about you save your directives to those actually personally giving you bad advice. Making blanket statements about what everyone can do is pointless and off base.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you're saying, really I do. My parents are and were very good parents. My siblings are awesome. But I don't think that negates my empathy or even my basic understanding of human interactions. I would never suggest that "love is all you need, blah, blah, blah".

It actually does mean you don't know how to handle that situation. There is no other situation like having had terrible parents. You know no more about bad parents than your child-free friend knows about raising an infant.

Empathy and support is great. Your advice is not going to be.

Since you have no idea of my overall life experiences you can't say I have no experience or that I'm incapable of empathy.

Just because someone has good parents does not mean they've grown up in a void.

However, I'm not insensitive to your argument, but I think if this is something which bothers you a lot, than I would suggest getting some therapy. There's no way you are ever going to stop people from offering advice or trying to commiserate.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is harsh but I understand what he/she is saying. Sometimes it takes someone who has lived with certain disfunctions to understand the pain. You don't just get it unless you have lived it. Does not mean that someone can be nice and a good person to talk to but they just don't get it. I actually it is the same when you have kids. I didn't get it until I had them. I could talk to friends and offer advice but I really didn't know the love/commitment/stress until I have swam in that pond so to speak.