Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."
I've seen those posts.
No, I believe OP is talking about a post from last night about a woman whose mother makes hurtful comments about her failure to provide her with a sufficient number of grandchildren. When the mother doesn't know her daughter is infertile because the daughter hasn't told her (which, to be clear, is obviously completely within her rights to do if she so chooses). I offered some (what I thought might be helpful) comments re: drawing boundaries to that thread's OP, but this thread's OP decided I didn't have sufficient experience with terrible parents to give advice. Thus this thread. Or I assume they're related, since this one popped up within minutes of those postings last night. What this OP doesn't know is that I've got years of experience with drawing boundaries with toxic in-laws, along with a ton of therapy to deal with it. I try not to comment on random threads unless I think I have some requisite experience on the topic.
Besides, that thread's OP is more than welcome to disregard my comments- I won't be offended in the slightest.
Yet you managed to miss OP's replies as to why she had not her mother about the infertility. Instead your thought process was, well this is how it is for me, OP's problems would be solved if she just said this. Ignoring that the OP of that thread said about telling her mother anything.
Perhaps it was an over direction, but I agree with the premise of this thread, and looking at the majority of the responses proves why. You and others like you simply do not get it, and instead of accepting that you take it as a personal attack.
In a way it is an attack, especially in the way that OP worded it. Bottom line, we all have wounds and we all want to be validated. If you want to pre-screen and "qualify" people's responses to your troubles then don't post on an internet forum, only talk to friends who you have "qualified" as giving you "qualified" advice.
Either that or hand people a piece of paper with the exact answer/response that you want them to give you.
Otherwise, you take your chances when you vent, share, talk about your problems. Of course, everyone should be considerate of their response to people in pain(and otherwise), everyone should consider if their response is helpful or considerate of the other's personal experience. However, to just tell people their is no way they can give any advice or help because they have not had that same experience, is a bit shortsighted and pointless. Save that for specific instances where people have talked to you out of their a**. I do understand where OP is coming from, but often when we are in pain, it's hard to see beyond our own foxhole -- which is not necessarily the best vantage point to tell everyone in the world what to do.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}