How to know when a kid will just grow out of it

[Anonymous]

Two teachers in a row warned us that our child has attention issues and executive function concerns. It always seemed like pretty normal kid behavior to us so we never raised it with any professionals or had evaluations. Now we tentatively brought up these old concerns at his parent-teacher conference for his new teacher this year, and she said that she has no idea what they were talking about because he is always on task and doing fabulously in everything. I'm not sure whether to be delighted he grew out of these apparent issues or mad that the previous teachers had us so concerned!

Same thing happened years ago, when a few teachers were very concerned with his motor skills and suggested all kinds of interventions. The teacher the following year had no idea why they had said that and said his motor skills were perfectly fine.

Now I am left to wonder if -- in general -- I should take teachers' concerns seriously and follow up on them or not.

[Anonymous]

You don't mention how old your child is and there can be a wide range of normal for young children.

That said, if the teacher is truly concerned then the school should do some initial evaluations/assessments to see if there are issues needing attention.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that's the $64,000 question. And I think the answer is, it's hard to know. Maybe experts are able to tell the difference between a problem that a child will outgrow and one that he won't, but I don't think that lay people, including parents and teachers, can really know, with any certainty.

[Anonymous]

You don't.

[Anonymous]

Both my daughter and her cousin had fine and gross motor delays and speech delays. Cousin grew out of them caught up and is fine. Daughter will always be delayed.

[Anonymous]

I think that until around 3rd or 4th grade there's a very wide range of normal and some kids who look delayed in academics, attention or whatever can catch up in all kinds of skills in a very short time.

I think that if teachers are noticing issues after this age I would get it checked out.

There are tons of kids whose parents told me appeared to have major delays or issues in PK, K and 1st who are academically and behaviorally just fine now in 3rd. I agree it's impossible to know for sure but if your gut tells you things are just fine I would go with that.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes getting professional assessments can help - give you tips on activities to choose (like do some art projects at home, or try a gymnastics class, or try a beading project).

[Anonymous]

OP- we learned our son had ADHD and a learning disability when he was eight. 2nd grade was (for us) the year that DS's development looked substantially different from his peers.

We had many clues before 2nd, but there was such a wide range of development among other children in the very young years, that we wanted to let it shake out a bit.

Even with a diagnosis, DS's developmental trajectory changes. He gets much better at some things, and other struggles crop up. A parent has to be nimble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that until around 3rd or 4th grade there's a very wide range of normal and some kids who look delayed in academics, attention or whatever can catch up in all kinds of skills in a very short time.

I think that if teachers are noticing issues after this age I would get it checked out.

There are tons of kids whose parents told me appeared to have major delays or issues in PK, K and 1st who are academically and behaviorally just fine now in 3rd. I agree it's impossible to know for sure but if your gut tells you things are just fine I would go with that.

The problem with relying of your gut is the propensity for denial.
My friend's daughter is now in 5th grade and is struggling because the skills she learned to compensate for her issues are no longer working. In the past, Mom claimed she didn't want daughter tested, just to be labeled.

[Anonymous]

I'm OP and I do admit that I generally resist my son being tested and labeled if it's not necessary. I realize this is a controversial thing to say but I don't mean it as fighting words, and I certainly wouldn't mean to say that other people's diagnoses are wrong. But I am imagining a world in which 2 years ago we started working with a physician or therapist or trying to get an IEP or medications, and then spent 2 years trying to fix something about my child that apparently was either never a problem or was a problem that would ultimately fix itself. I'm certain that would have caused significant stress and worry in the house for the parents and the son. I'm trying to get a good sense of what I would do in the future if this kind of thing came up again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my daughter and her cousin had fine and gross motor delays and speech delays. Cousin grew out of them caught up and is fine. Daughter will always be delayed.

At what age did the cousin catch up?

[Anonymous]

OP, teachers can be wrong. When my DS was in preschool, the teacher wanted him to get tested for autism and speech delays. I took him to Infant Toddler in Fairfax, and they said he's normal. Teacher told me to try Child Find. Child Find wouldn't even see my child, said he sounds normal. Teacher said try private. I paid for a private evaluation - very expensive - all to be told he's normal. I think that he was just shy and wouldn't talk in preschool, and that's what concerned the preschool teacher. It was her first year teaching. He's in 3rd grade now, and still shy, but developmentally on target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP and I do admit that I generally resist my son being tested and labeled if it's not necessary. I realize this is a controversial thing to say but I don't mean it as fighting words, and I certainly wouldn't mean to say that other people's diagnoses are wrong. But I am imagining a world in which 2 years ago we started working with a physician or therapist or trying to get an IEP or medications, and then spent 2 years trying to fix something about my child that apparently was either never a problem or was a problem that would ultimately fix itself. I'm certain that would have caused significant stress and worry in the house for the parents and the son. I'm trying to get a good sense of what I would do in the future if this kind of thing came up again.

With private testing, the label doesn't have to be flagged in school unless you want it to be there. The point of testing doesn't have to be a label, but identifying strengths & weaknesses & options for coping, skill building, & managing. The way I look at it is there is no way to discern if your child will outgrow it until s/he doesn't. Early intervention with supports can only help, not hurt. It can give you tools to meet those needs while your child is growing, and can give you a benchmark to figure out what your child needs to work on, and when it crosses the line into a treatable problem. It is generally shown that children who obtain early intervention supports are less likely to be behind & less likely to need medications later. It can help you identify supports or pick an educational program or identify activities that would most benefit your child. Ignoring means thinking that if you identify a weakness, there is something wrong with your child. That doesn't have to be the case. Ignoring a problem doesn't mean it isn't there, it just means that you are attaching shame to it and allowing it to fester. Shine a light on it - maybe it isn't anything big. Maybe just knowing your child learns better through auditory processing means you will help your child read aloud or get recorded materials or teach a different set of study techniques. Maybe learning your child has poor executive function skills means signing up for a class that teaches a system for coping. And if testing reveals your child just needs to move more, well, then you will get your child moving more.

[Anonymous]

I'm the previous poster. I have a child with a likely ADHD-impulsivity diagnosis. Just turning 7, originally did some testing at 2 & again at 3.5. We have done some therapies that have been tremendously helpful. We have some supports in school, and opted for private because of that. We have never done medication. The diagnosis is not formal because it really is premature to diagnose a child with ADHD before 7 or 8. We have developed tools for behavior management in school and home that truly allow my child to grow. Maturity has changed some of the challenges, but the work we have done has truly made sure we are on top of things. We don't have teachers complaining because they understand what to do and how to help our child self-regulate. Medicine may be necessary one day...but it is not right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, teachers can be wrong. When my DS was in preschool, the teacher wanted him to get tested for autism and speech delays. I took him to Infant Toddler in Fairfax, and they said he's normal. Teacher told me to try Child Find. Child Find wouldn't even see my child, said he sounds normal. Teacher said try private. I paid for a private evaluation - very expensive - all to be told he's normal. I think that he was just shy and wouldn't talk in preschool, and that's what concerned the preschool teacher. It was her first year teaching. He's in 3rd grade now, and still shy, but developmentally on target.

FYI teachers are required by law to identify childrenot they think may benefit from Special Education.
Child find is part of IDEA
Child Find requires school districts to have a process for identifying and evaluating children who may need special education and related services, such as counseling or speech therapy. Even infants and toddlers can be evaluated. They could then receive help for learning disabilities and developmental delays through the government’s early intervention programs. These programs help parents find out if their young children are on track. Then, if needed, the programs can connect families with appropriate services early in the child’s life.