MIL vent. Buys too much for Christmas.

[Anonymous]

So here goes. My MIL amd FIL have little or no money and raised my DH in an extremely dysfunctional household. It's amazing to me that my DH survived his upbringing and actually became financially successful. Ironically, his success was driven in large part by the fact that he knew he would have to support his parents, which he is now doing. He told me about his financial obligations when we were both dating and had very successful careers. I quit my job and moved to a new city to support his career, knowing that he had this obligation to his parents. Fast forward 16years . Every Christmas I feel HUGE resentment for my MIL. She insists on buying a bunch of crap and endless toys for our children. I'm bothered not only because we pay their mortgage and most of their living expenses (so essentially these unnecessary and crappy toys are coming out of our pocket) but also because the excess sends the wrong message to our children. Our children are growing up in privilege that my husband and I never had and we are trying to find balance. For years, we have politely asked her not to spend so much. But every year she ignores our wishes and pulls up in the big luxury SUV(that we are paying for while my DH is content driving an 11-year-old car) and I literallly want to tear her eyes out. And don't get me started on her wardrobe. In the 16 years we've been together, I've never seen her repeat an outfit. And when she ran up a credit card bill of 50k , and took a second mortgage out on her house, my DH and his brother were there to bail her out. God, she makes me crazy. Ok vent over.

[Anonymous]

Don't bitch about the luxury SUV. It's your choice to pay for it. Tell her to knock off the gifts or you will stop paying her bills. Grow a backbone, and tell DH to do the same.

[Anonymous]

You are enabling her, so either stop it and set clear budget/boundaries, or stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't bitch about the luxury SUV. It's your choice to pay for it. Tell her to knock off the gifts or you will stop paying her bills. Grow a backbone, and tell DH to do the same.

Yea , I hear you. FWIW- the luxury SUV was not our idea. My BIL purchased it for them and we agreed to pitch in. That's a whole other story.

[Anonymous]

This is a small part MIL problem and a larger part DH problem (he's getting something out of this situation or else he would work to change it) and OP problem. DH told you up front how this would play out.

At this point I would try to direct MIL toward experience gifts, memberships, for DC.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is the problem.

Agreed. This is a husband problem, but you knew the family dynamic was this way before you married him.

[Anonymous]

Be mad at your husband, not her. Why does she think she's entitled to drive a luxury SUV? Because your husband is paying for it. This is just as dysfunctional at what they did to him. He needs to dial it down. Hyundai is fine.

[Anonymous]

Cut the money.

[Anonymous]

It's an OP problem, not just a DH problem.

[Anonymous]

A bunch of crappy Christmas presents is not your problem.

Talk about this out in the open at least with husband if not in laws. Express your frustration. Unfortunately they are not likely to change. This is about boundaries. Plain and simple. What are you as a married unit willing to do and what are you not willing to do. As a unit. Argue it out. And if your husband feels strongly, maybe you take one for team and agree. If you agree, then let it go. If you can't, keep negotiating until you can let it go. You marriage is WAY more important than trying to change them.

So crappy Xmas presents are not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are enabling her, so either stop it and set clear budget/boundaries, or stop complaining.

+1

[Anonymous]

Can't you be happy for your kids?

[Anonymous]

No way!
Enabling dysfunction is just as sick as the dysfunction you are enabling.
Bad example for the kids. Try to get into counseling g and see if boundaries can be set.

[Anonymous]

I'd donate the toys.

And yes, the rest is something you and your DH need to work out. I'd think putting them on a budget would be a good idea. Supporting them does not have to mean supporting every terrible choice they make. They have an bottomless bank account now, so why would they budget?