Dealing with objectionable Christmas gifts

[Anonymous]

My mother thinks my kids should be exposed to computers, screens, etc. She is quite insistent on this--she thinks my kids are missing out and exposing them to technology is important. But my kids are very young and my DH are agreed that we, personally, are going to put all that kind of stuff off for as long as possible. Usually I just brush her comments off.

My mother has asked what the kids would like for Christmas. I worry she is also going to go ahead and get my son an iPad or something like that and he will open up this present on Christmas morning. Can I tell her, when giving her the wish lists she has requested, "As you know, DH and I don't want the kids having electronic toys yet, but I know they would love...." and then list some OK toys?

It seems super rude to tell someone "don't get my kid this present" but I really worry she will. (And, by the way, I am not judging anyone else who lets their kids use iPads or whatever)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother has asked what the kids would like for Christmas.

I'd focus on this--she's asking for ideas--rather than on your concerns about what she might do. Can you come up with any ideas that you think she's really love, other than electronics?

Our kids are a little older, and we've gotten used to the fact that specific grandparents are going to want to give certain types of presents. We have a gift coming this year that we're not wild about (luckily we don't have major objections!) but we're OK with, because it's important to grandma. Other years, she asks for ideas, and we're able to suggest things that we know both she and we would be happy with.

[Anonymous]

We have a more direct relationship, where the grandparents ask, I say what the kids would like, and I remind them what the no-nos are. It's all open and simple.

I think it comes from knowing their daughter (me)!

[Anonymous]

Grandma can give whatever she wants but you as the parents control the usage. If she gives an iPad, you put it on a high shelf and use it when you think it is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandma can give whatever she wants but you as the parents control the usage. If she gives an iPad, you put it on a high shelf and use it when you think it is appropriate.

I disagree. If OP has made it clear that she and DH do not want their child exposed to electronics yet, then grandma does not get to buy an iPad and give it to the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandma can give whatever she wants but you as the parents control the usage. If she gives an iPad, you put it on a high shelf and use it when you think it is appropriate.

I disagree. If OP has made it clear that she and DH do not want their child exposed to electronics yet, then grandma does not get to buy an iPad and give it to the kid.

Who is controlling what Grandma buys?

OP, give her the list of what the kids want. If you really think she will buy an iPad anyway, then you control the usage.

[Anonymous]

How old are your children? Also, are you opposed to anything requiring batteries, or just iPads and similar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your children? Also, are you opposed to anything requiring batteries, or just iPads and similar?

I should note, I'm not asking this for flame fodder, I'm trying to think of ideas that might satisfy Grandma's desire to give something screen like while also satisfying your desire to not have them playing with an iPad yet.

[Anonymous]

Ig you have been clear and Grandma isn't going to be there to hand off the toy, I'd open it first to see what it is.

[Anonymous]

Op here, she always asks for suggestions but does not limit herself to those.
I don't mind a little robot with a battery or something--she has gotten stuff like that.
But she believes in educational software and such. I have nieces and nephews who have their own iPads and are allowed unlimited usage. She thinks this is wonderful and that I am some kind of Luddite.
I just feel like I spend 8 hours a day looking at screens and really don't feel this is an experience my kids need to have at this point in their lives.
I think I am just going to remind her even if it seems rude. Maybe I can think of some jokey or self-deprecating way to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, she always asks for suggestions but does not limit herself to those.
I don't mind a little robot with a battery or something--she has gotten stuff like that.
But she believes in educational software and such. I have nieces and nephews who have their own iPads and are allowed unlimited usage. She thinks this is wonderful and that I am some kind of Luddite.
I just feel like I spend 8 hours a day looking at screens and really don't feel this is an experience my kids need to have at this point in their lives.
I think I am just going to remind her even if it seems rude. Maybe I can think of some jokey or self-deprecating way to do it.

I am with you 100% and I think you should certainly remind her. You could say, "I know you think I'm a Luddite and you disagree with this approach, but DH and I feel very strongly about delaying exposure to technology, and we appreciate you going along with it even if you don't agree. The kids are would really enjoy gifts like ____, ____, and _____."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, she always asks for suggestions but does not limit herself to those.
I don't mind a little robot with a battery or something--she has gotten stuff like that.
But she believes in educational software and such. I have nieces and nephews who have their own iPads and are allowed unlimited usage. She thinks this is wonderful and that I am some kind of Luddite.
I just feel like I spend 8 hours a day looking at screens and really don't feel this is an experience my kids need to have at this point in their lives.
I think I am just going to remind her even if it seems rude. Maybe I can think of some jokey or self-deprecating way to do it.

Are you saying that you think that having an IPAD translates into automatically having unlimited usage of it? Seriously?
My inlaws gave DC an IPAD -- daddy and I control the usage. Very little to none during the week -- limited during the weekends. Are your kids school age -- do you let them do work on the computer? My kids have chromebooks at school and do school projects on the computer, print out the final product and turn it in at school.
As parents, we fall into the 'in moderation' camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, she always asks for suggestions but does not limit herself to those.
I don't mind a little robot with a battery or something--she has gotten stuff like that.
But she believes in educational software and such. I have nieces and nephews who have their own iPads and are allowed unlimited usage. She thinks this is wonderful and that I am some kind of Luddite.
I just feel like I spend 8 hours a day looking at screens and really don't feel this is an experience my kids need to have at this point in their lives.
I think I am just going to remind her even if it seems rude. Maybe I can think of some jokey or self-deprecating way to do it.

Are you saying that you think that having an IPAD translates into automatically having unlimited usage of it? Seriously?
My inlaws gave DC an IPAD -- daddy and I control the usage. Very little to none during the week -- limited during the weekends. Are your kids school age -- do you let them do work on the computer? My kids have chromebooks at school and do school projects on the computer, print out the final product and turn it in at school.
As parents, we fall into the 'in moderation' camp.

P.S. -- I will add that we would not have had the IPAD if grandparents had not bought it.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Op here, I know having an iPad does not automatically translate into unlimited usage of it. And I also agree that I would control any usage.

But my DH and I want my kid to have ZERO usage. So if my kid gets an iPad as a gift, he cannot use it at all. That is going to make for a very awkward Christmas morning and that is what I am trying to avoid.

My kids do not do work on the computer at school. Very occasionally, I will let my kid letters type on my computer, but that's about it. I know it's not the norm, but it works for me and DH, and so far I have heard no complaints from the kids.

At some point later in their lives I am sure they'll be watching the occasional video and having an iPad or something but I don't want that now. My mother cannot fathom why not....she thinks that by denying my kids this I am depriving them of something essential and they will "fall behind" their peers who know how to use technology. She has said this again and again.