If you have three older kids...

[Anonymous]

How close is your relationship with each of them? Is it satisfying? Do you feel like you are able to keep up with their schedules and still maintain your bond?

The reason why I ask is that we want a third child, and my main reason for hesitating is that I know it means they will get "less of me". I have a 3 and 6 year old. What I find most rewarding about parenting is the close bond, the cuddles, the day trips, weekends as a family, the quality time together. I wonder if having a third will tax us and outweigh the rewards. Parenting is such a hard job, I don't want to lose what I find most motivating. Am I being naive? What is it like with older kids, and how is your connection with them?

[Anonymous]

I feel like I have a close bond with all 4 of my kids. They want less of that as they get older anyway. The bonds that they have with each other are tight and that makes me really happy.

[Anonymous]

What is your motivation for having a third?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your motivation for having a third?

I really love kids in general, all their temperaments and stages. I don't teach, but I should have. I particularly love the kids my husband and I make I'm a SAHM and I can't imagine a more fulfilling life. I just really enjoy children. Plus I love the idea of extending our family; more chaos, more fun, more joy, the child centered years will last longer, more people around the table at holidays, a bigger family.

[Anonymous]

For goodness sake have a third. My three girls are super close and I never felt there was to little love to go around.

[Anonymous]

Op I think I'm a lot like you. I have 3 between ages of 9 and 13, all girls. It's true that there is less of you to go around but that won't be as noticBle if you can continue to SAH as that will give YOU time for self-care and recharging. I think you'd regret it if you didn't.

[Anonymous]

I have four. I've had rough patches with all of them in the middle and high school years. Oldest three are 17+ and I'm doing fine with them. My 13 yo daughter is the one driving me crazy currently. I hope she also outgrows this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have four. I've had rough patches with all of them in the middle and high school years. Oldest three are 17+ and I'm doing fine with them. My 13 yo daughter is the one driving me crazy currently. I hope she also outgrows this.

Same it's up and down. I do find that from about 9 to 15 is the rough patch. Then 15 forward is better. It's hard finding ways to bond, and giving them space to grow into adults. You have to make extra effort with the ones who have different interests than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How close is your relationship with each of them? Is it satisfying? Do you feel like you are able to keep up with their schedules and still maintain your bond?

The reason why I ask is that we want a third child, and my main reason for hesitating is that I know it means they will get "less of me". I have a 3 and 6 year old. What I find most rewarding about parenting is the close bond, the cuddles, the day trips, weekends as a family, the quality time together. I wonder if having a third will tax us and outweigh the rewards. Parenting is such a hard job, I don't want to lose what I find most motivating. Am I being naive? What is it like with older kids, and how is your connection with them?

I don't know what you mean by "older" kids exactly. Two of mine are so old that they're out of the house. The youngest is nine. The ones who don't live here are across the country. We text or FaceTime or call probably every other day. Sometimes if they're super busy we'll go two days without contact. I know when they're traveling, but not necessarily if they're sleeping at someone else's house or what their hour-to-hour schedule is. They're adults and need some privacy and autonomy, you know?

The 9 and 12 yr old are both super busy (some would say over scheduled, but they're happy and thriving so it's fine). We talk a lot on our way places, and with each kid there are specific activities that wind up being bonding moments. My 12 yr old and I have the best talks while doing laundry. My 9 yr old loves baking so we do that together. I think once kids are out of diapers, life gets MUCH easier. When the two youngest were little and the two oldest were in middle school/high school, I had a nanny for the little ones, because the two older ones really needed more time with me, not less. It's not that they needed me to cut their food or tie their shoes, but just to be a presence around them.

[Anonymous]

There might be less time from you, but consider the extra love from siblings. My oldest and youngest (5 years apart) are absolutely adorable together. Of course having a child will tax you, but you're kind of down that rabbit hole already with two kids. Two to three in my experience wasn't much of a jolt. Now mine are 19, 17, and 15 and while we've had rough patches, I still feel close to all three. The cycles are predictable, they've all been sweaty nightmares from 14-15 ish, but there's nothing more satisfying than hearing your 17 year old telling your 15 year old she looks kinda cool in those boots.

[Anonymous]

I have three teens and two elementary and feel close to all of them. I am a SAHM also and noticee when the older ones went off to school, the younger ones got my undivided attention, after school it would shift and become more older kids focused with homework and activities, hearing about their day. at school. I'd also recommend doing road trips-nothing better for family bonding than shared adventures.