Thanksgiving with a Recovering Alcoholic

[Anonymous]

Hello, I will be spending thanksgiving with my family this year instead of DH's. My uncle is a recovering alcoholic and I am wondering if it is acceptable to bring wine to dinner. I do not drink often and never heavily, but thoroughly enjoy a nice wine and think it brings a lot to a nice dinner. My grandmother will likely host, though it is possible that she will fall ill and my uncle will host. I plan to ask him directly, as we get along pretty well. What are your thoughts? It is a small family and I would be the only one drinking wine; my father will likely have a couple beers without regard.

[Anonymous]

I would ask him directly. I have many, many recovering alcoholics in my family and each is different and at a different stage of recovery.

Heck, many are still drinking strong!

[Anonymous]

I am a recovering alcoholic and I would love it if you brought whatever you wanted to drink to my dinner party. I actually keep wine and beer in the house for guests without any problem.

The best course of action is to ask your uncle. Alcoholics come from different levels of addiction and are very different in their recovery and ability to tolerate exposure to alcohol. If he is open about being in recovery, I am pretty sure that he would not be offended by your question.

[Anonymous]

If you would be the only one drinking the wine, I probably wouldn't bring it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you would be the only one drinking the wine, I probably wouldn't bring it.

Why not? It is an enjoyable part of my meal. Should I have a Bud with my dad? That's not enjoyable for me.

[Anonymous]

I think when someone is a recovering alcoholic, the kind thing to do when dining with them is to abstain for one night.

I think your father should forego the beer and you should forego the wine. You can enjoy every other meal you consume. For this one, focus on enjoying family rather than the food.

[Anonymous]

Like a PP, I have friends who are recovering alcoholics, but have been clean for decades. For special events they might ask a friend or two to furnish alcohol for the party. Unless he asks, I personally wouldn't knowingly bring alcohol to an event hosted by a recovering alcoholic. If it's at another relative's, then I think you could ask your uncle if it would bother him if it were there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you would be the only one drinking the wine, I probably wouldn't bring it.

This

[Anonymous]

My son in law is a recovering alcoholic and I bring a bottle of wine for me and DH. There are generally a ton of other family members milling around the house, they do buffet style and use red plastic cups. If it was an intimate dining situation, we might think twice as we wouldn't want to be so obvious.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on how early in the recovery. My uncles haven't had a drink in 25+ years and are fine if people partake around them. But both said that very early in the recovery it was quite difficult to be around people drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would be the only one drinking the wine, I probably wouldn't bring it.

Why not? It is an enjoyable part of my meal. Should I have a Bud with my dad? That's not enjoyable for me.

Because you might make your uncle or other family members feel awkward. You can give up a glass of wine with dinner in order to make others comfortable.

If you can't, you might have a problem yourself.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't bring alcohol to any family function.

[Anonymous]

I would abstain and remind myself that if having the wine is that important to me, maybe I'm the one with the problem.

[Anonymous]

is this the name of a new miniseries

[Anonymous]

I would bring a nice sparkling water and not have the wine even if I wanted it. If you can't go one evening without wine you should examine if you had a problem too.