Polite responses to rude questions

[Anonymous]

I've seen the suggestion here of saying to the rude person "why do you ask?" But with some family members, they are comfortable saying "I'm just curious" or "I like to know these things", and they don't accept, "It's something we'd rather keep private."

The most recent case was a relative asking what we inherited from another relative. (The asking relative is in no way related to the relative whose estate they want to discuss). Saying I'd like to keep it private makes them even more curious (did they get NOTHING?! did they get millions and aren't sharing?!) How to escape this conversation that they don't plan on dropping any time soon, but I am thoroughly uncomfortable discussing with them or anyone.

[Anonymous]

You can just say "I'm not discussing that, sorry," and then walk away or change the subject. If they ask follow up questions (why WON'T you discuss it? you just won't talk about it because you don't want anyone to know what you got right?) just repeat yourself. "As I said, I'm not discussing the subject."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen the suggestion here of saying to the rude person "why do you ask?" But with some family members, they are comfortable saying "I'm just curious" or "I like to know these things", and they don't accept, "It's something we'd rather keep private."

The most recent case was a relative asking what we inherited from another relative. (The asking relative is in no way related to the relative whose estate they want to discuss). Saying I'd like to keep it private makes them even more curious (did they get NOTHING?! did they get millions and aren't sharing?!) How to escape this conversation that they don't plan on dropping any time soon, but I am thoroughly uncomfortable discussing with them or anyone.

Repeat. Repeat "we are keeping that private" with a polite smile. If they persist, "June, i don't want to be rude, but it is none of your business, and I won't discuss it further."

There's no such thing as "they don't accept." You stonewall them. You don't give in, because then you teach them to continue the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Why do people have to be "polite" all the time.

Be honest and direct...

We aren't saying so crazy relatives don't hit us up for a loan.

[Anonymous]

When it comes to addressing rude questions/setting boundaries:

First time I'm polite.

Second time I'm civil.

Third time I'm a bitch.

Works pretty well.

[Anonymous]

Sarcasm--Somewhere between $0 and $Billion.

If they keep asking--Somewhere between $0 and I'm not telling you.

[Anonymous]

"i really don't want to talk about that."

"It makes me uncomfortable to talk about money."

"We've decided not to disclose that amount to anyone."

If they keep at it.... 'I'm sorry, but that's not your business."

My mom is like that. She will finally ask, "you.re not going to tell me???"

I have to come out and say, "no mom I'n not."

[Anonymous]

"Joan, you're being rude"

and then walk awaaayyyyyyy

[Anonymous]

I think you should just answer them in a nonspecific way..."We are grateful aunt Edna thought so much of us."

Your coyness about it is pretty snobby in my opinion. Why be so cagey?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When it comes to addressing rude questions/setting boundaries:

First time I'm polite.

Second time I'm civil.

Third time I'm a bitch.

Works pretty well.

This is me, 3 strikes and you're out. That goes for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should just answer them in a nonspecific way..."We are grateful aunt Edna thought so much of us."

Your coyness about it is pretty snobby in my opinion. Why be so cagey?

Because it is none of their business. What about that don't you get?

[Anonymous]

I'd have fun with it. "10 million dollars!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen the suggestion here of saying to the rude person "why do you ask?" But with some family members, they are comfortable saying "I'm just curious" or "I like to know these things", and they don't accept, "It's something we'd rather keep private."

The most recent case was a relative asking what we inherited from another relative. (The asking relative is in no way related to the relative whose estate they want to discuss). Saying I'd like to keep it private makes them even more curious (did they get NOTHING?! did they get millions and aren't sharing?!) How to escape this conversation that they don't plan on dropping any time soon, but I am thoroughly uncomfortable discussing with them or anyone.

Repeat. Repeat "we are keeping that private" with a polite smile. If they persist, "June, i don't want to be rude, but it is none of your business, and I won't discuss it further."

There's no such thing as "they don't accept." You stonewall them. You don't give in, because then you teach them to continue the behavior.

+1

They accept whatever response you give.

That's it.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. ?

[Anonymous]

"no thank you" is a good response.