Polite responses to rude questions

[Anonymous]

I'm British and I often wonder if how I deal with this is cultural but I normally look at the person asking and say in a surprised/bemused tone: 'how rude'

It's funny because it does make people back off a bit without being too aggressive of a response.

[Anonymous]

First, I am polite but vague - "we're grateful for what we got."
If they ask again, I am more direct - "I am not discussing this." They do not need to agree to my actions. I don't give a reason because that often keeps the conversation going.

[Anonymous]

Why do you ask?
Are you really asking me that?
Do you think I'm going to tell you?
This has been a fun game, how's Sidney's sciataca?

[Anonymous]

Pick your non-response ("I'd rather not discuss that," "that is private," whatever) and just repeat it verbatim over and over when they continue to bring it up. That makes the point better that you have said all you're going to say about it.

[Anonymous]

Just say "something I was told to keep private. so do you want to get some taco bell?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should just answer them in a nonspecific way..."We are grateful aunt Edna thought so much of us."

Your coyness about it is pretty snobby in my opinion. Why be so cagey?

Because it is none of their business. What about that don't you get?

No, I agree with the poster that thinks your coyness comes
Off as snobby and condescending. My sister in law is like this, she gets offended at any kind of personal question. Yes, it's a rude question, but just laugh it off and don't answer instead of getting your panties in a bunch over the "uncouth little people who Dane to question you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm British and I often wonder if how I deal with this is cultural but I normally look at the person asking and say in a surprised/bemused tone: 'how rude'

It's funny because it does make people back off a bit without being too aggressive of a response.

I think that approach can be perceived offensive and judgmental. (Perhaps the questioner is simply naive.) it's better for a final closure - after trying more polite/civil options - as it can be taken quite negatively. And, as you say, it's cultural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should just answer them in a nonspecific way..."We are grateful aunt Edna thought so much of us."

Your coyness about it is pretty snobby in my opinion. Why be so cagey?

Because it is none of their business. What about that don't you get?

No, I agree with the poster that thinks your coyness comes
Off as snobby and condescending. My sister in law is like this, she gets offended at any kind of personal question. Yes, it's a rude question, but just laugh it off and don't answer instead of getting your panties in a bunch over the "uncouth little people who Dane to question you."

Do you mean "deign"? Because those of Dutch nationality have nothing to do with this.

[Anonymous]

I'm not generally inclined to be overly polite when people are pressing me for information I've already told them I don't want to/cannot/will not give -- and I don't have a poker face and can be a bitch so people don't usually generally do this to me -- but you could try just looking at them. Then after a bit of awkward silence change the subject or leave the room.

[Anonymous]

Aren't Danes from Denmark?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should just answer them in a nonspecific way..."We are grateful aunt Edna thought so much of us."

Your coyness about it is pretty snobby in my opinion. Why be so cagey?

Because it is none of their business. What about that don't you get?

No, I agree with the poster that thinks your coyness comes
Off as snobby and condescending. My sister in law is like this, she gets offended at any kind of personal question. Yes, it's a rude question, but just laugh it off and don't answer instead of getting your panties in a bunch over the "uncouth little people who Dane to question you."

Do you mean "deign"? Because those of Dutch nationality have nothing to do with this.

That's an awesome autocorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen the suggestion here of saying to the rude person "why do you ask?" But with some family members, they are comfortable saying "I'm just curious" or "I like to know these things", and they don't accept, "It's something we'd rather keep private."

The most recent case was a relative asking what we inherited from another relative. (The asking relative is in no way related to the relative whose estate they want to discuss). Saying I'd like to keep it private makes them even more curious (did they get NOTHING?! did they get millions and aren't sharing?!) How to escape this conversation that they don't plan on dropping any time soon, but I am thoroughly uncomfortable discussing with them or anyone.

We always give the wrong information when someone asks a nosy question. It makes it more interesting than saying why we think: what makes you (the person who should be MYOB) qualify for this answer? They don't qualify, or rank, for the proper information, so we give them information that they would tell others. That way, when the info gets back to us, we know by whom. It is actually a fun game, once you have mastered it. Have fun with nosy people, OP - they deserve it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No, I agree with the poster that thinks your coyness comes
Off as snobby and condescending. My sister in law is like this, she gets offended at any kind of personal question. Yes, it's a rude question, but just laugh it off and don't answer instead of getting your panties in a bunch over the "uncouth little people who Dane to question you."

Aaand now I know what sort of person puts her sex tape up on the Internet.

Some of us, on the other hand, have a sense of privacy.

[Anonymous]

Counter with your own outrageously rude question, like "If the house were on fire and you could only carry one of your children out, which of your children would you save?"... then when they answer "Love them all the same", keep pressing. Every time the ask you the rude question, keep hammering back at them with this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should just answer them in a nonspecific way..."We are grateful aunt Edna thought so much of us."

Your coyness about it is pretty snobby in my opinion. Why be so cagey?

How the hell is that "coy"?

Its nobody's damn business how much money a person inherits or has. My money business is none of your damn business. Jeez.

Its not like the OP was teasing the information.

The only people who like to share the amount of money they have or make are (a) idiots or (b) are failures.