s/o Does a SO Who Cheated on Past Relationships Always Cheat on Every Partner?

[Anonymous]

Is change even possible? Do partners who cheated on GF/BF, past spouses, etc., ever change and grow? Or are they doomed to repeat infidelities with the next partner after a certain period of time. Not going through this with present partner. Just thinking about past.

[Anonymous]

Once a cheater always a cheater. I think they would just justify differently. For example if you are single and sleep with a married person then the single person may not consider that cheating.

[Anonymous]

No, they don't always cheat. People mature.

[Anonymous]

I cheated on a boyfriend (who had previously cheated on me and betrayed me/let me down in another way). It was a terrible relationship and the cheating was a wake up call.

I have never cheater, or been tempted to, on my husband and couldn't really imagine it. I've grown a lot, and its a much better relationship.

[Anonymous]

Yes its possible to change. We change all throughout our lives and just because someone doesn't do something now or in the past, does not mean they will never do it. So it works both ways.

[Anonymous]

Change is possible, though it requires a commitment to changing. Not every person who has ever cheated goes on to cheat.

That said, cheating one time makes it easier to cheat again, particularly if there are no negative consequences for the first instance. Many cheaters also rationalize their behavior by blaming their situation (or their partner) for their unhappiness, so they do not see it as a pattern of behavior so much as a pattern of other people making them unhappy.

[Anonymous]

I cheated on a past boyfriend, but haven't done it since. I've been married 15 years, I've never been tempted to cheat, and the couple of times I've felt an attraction to someone else, I put up deliberate barriers to keep it from ever coming to the point of temptation (e.g., found a different personal trainer). So yes, obviously I think people can change, but I also think they have to be really committed to changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, they don't always cheat. People mature.

I think this is very true.

There was a quote from a criminologist about crime menopause. Essentially, men who are career criminals in their youth stop committing crimes in their 40s and 50s. I think the same for infidelity. In general, especially for men, who largely cheat for sex. When the testosterone lowers as men age, they can mature into not needing constant sex to be happy.

[Anonymous]

My DH admitted to me before we were married that he was unfaithful in his previous marriage. His excuse was he was too young when he married, etch.

He's cheated on me, so I'd say once a cheater always a cheater.

BTW- I didn't know him until years after he divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cheated on a past boyfriend, but haven't done it since. I've been married 15 years, I've never been tempted to cheat, and the couple of times I've felt an attraction to someone else, I put up deliberate barriers to keep it from ever coming to the point of temptation (e.g., found a different personal trainer). So yes, obviously I think people can change, but I also think they have to be really committed to changing.

Was your P-T hot or something?

[Anonymous]

DW cheated on a boyfriend with another one that had previously dumped her. She still stays in touch with this guy so I certainly hope not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cheated on a past boyfriend, but haven't done it since. I've been married 15 years, I've never been tempted to cheat, and the couple of times I've felt an attraction to someone else, I put up deliberate barriers to keep it from ever coming to the point of temptation (e.g., found a different personal trainer). So yes, obviously I think people can change, but I also think they have to be really committed to changing.

Was your P-T hot or something?

He was attractive, but even more there was a chemistry there that I felt was inappropriate to indulge with someone other than my husband. So I made an excuse for needing to switch to someone else at the gym. Maybe nothing would have ever come of it, but I felt it was more important to safeguard my marriage than to indulge in the flirtation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cheated on a past boyfriend, but haven't done it since. I've been married 15 years, I've never been tempted to cheat, and the couple of times I've felt an attraction to someone else, I put up deliberate barriers to keep it from ever coming to the point of temptation (e.g., found a different personal trainer). So yes, obviously I think people can change, but I also think they have to be really committed to changing.

Was your P-T hot or something?

He was attractive, but even more there was a chemistry there that I felt was inappropriate to indulge with someone other than my husband. So I made an excuse for needing to switch to someone else at the gym. Maybe nothing would have ever come of it, but I felt it was more important to safeguard my marriage than to indulge in the flirtation.

What excuse did you use?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cheated on a past boyfriend, but haven't done it since. I've been married 15 years, I've never been tempted to cheat, and the couple of times I've felt an attraction to someone else, I put up deliberate barriers to keep it from ever coming to the point of temptation (e.g., found a different personal trainer). So yes, obviously I think people can change, but I also think they have to be really committed to changing.

Was your P-T hot or something?

He was attractive, but even more there was a chemistry there that I felt was inappropriate to indulge with someone other than my husband. So I made an excuse for needing to switch to someone else at the gym. Maybe nothing would have ever come of it, but I felt it was more important to safeguard my marriage than to indulge in the flirtation.

What excuse did you use?

Why does it matter?

[Anonymous]

Well if the guy was pretty young when he cheated, then I would say it was very possible he could change since we all do stupid stuff in our youth without really thinking of the consequences.

But if he did this as an adult, then I would be more leery of it.

Because a man who cheats as an older adult needs to learn to leave an unhappy relationship vs. play around.