s/o Does a SO Who Cheated on Past Relationships Always Cheat on Every Partner?

[Anonymous]

Past behavior is, best predictor of future behavior.
You do not need to be older than 30 to know cheating on your partner is wrong.
Yes, people change, but rarely, and in times of stress ( all marriage and relationships are), people revert back to old habits.
A person really has to want to change, don't think you're the special snowflake who will change them.
Best sign of change is when a person can own up to wrong doing sincerely not blame their age , another person, circumstances etc.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's a given, but you do know something about their character. You know that there is a combination of circumstances where they can do it. This doesn't mean that this combination of circumstances will be in your case, but it means they have the ability to self-justify cheating.

[Anonymous]

There are three kinds of people: 1) those whose marriage vows mean nothing and still try to get laid as if they are single. 2) those who intend to honor their vows but are human and if they are sexually or emotionally abandoned by their spouse, will be vulnerable to cheating; and 3) those who see cheating as the most deadly sin and would rather divorce than even consider it as an option to stay married and sane.

Most people are in category #2. You should assume that if you treat your spouse poorly they have the potential to stray. Category 1 people are out there but are rare, and they will never change.

[Anonymous]

I don't consider cheating on a bf/gf in the same league as cheating on a spouse, or even a fiancé. So if it's bf/gf cheating bs in your early 20s--yes, I think people grow out of that. Cheating after you have made a commitment--danger sign, likely to repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't consider cheating on a bf/gf in the same league as cheating on a spouse, or even a fiancé. So if it's bf/gf cheating bs in your early 20s--yes, I think people grow out of that. Cheating after you have made a commitment--danger sign, likely to repeat.

I cheated on every guy I was in a LTR with but have remained faithful to my husband for 18 years. He is the same way (well, so far as I know he has been faithful, but I'm very sure.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are three kinds of people: 1) those whose marriage vows mean nothing and still try to get laid as if they are single. 2) those who intend to honor their vows but are human and if they are sexually or emotionally abandoned by their spouse, will be vulnerable to cheating; and 3) those who see cheating as the most deadly sin and would rather divorce than even consider it as an option to stay married and sane.

Most people are in category #2. You should assume that if you treat your spouse poorly they have the potential to stray. Category 1 people are out there but are rare, and they will never change.

Yes. This. Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are three kinds of people: 1) those whose marriage vows mean nothing and still try to get laid as if they are single. 2) those who intend to honor their vows but are human and if they are sexually or emotionally abandoned by their spouse, will be vulnerable to cheating; and 3) those who see cheating as the most deadly sin and would rather divorce than even consider it as an option to stay married and sane.

Most people are in category #2. You should assume that if you treat your spouse poorly they have the potential to stray. Category 1 people are out there but are rare, and they will never change.

Think there are a lot of people in category 3. Category 2 means at least one person has thrown in the towel on monogamy and that is often hard to accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes its possible to change. We change all throughout our lives and just because someone doesn't do something now or in the past, does not mean they will never do it. So it works both ways.

Yep, this.

Someone can be faithful for decades and then cheat. Does once a cheater always a cheater apply if you've been faithful for 25 years and unfaithful for 2 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes its possible to change. We change all throughout our lives and just because someone doesn't do something now or in the past, does not mean they will never do it. So it works both ways.

Yep, this.

Someone can be faithful for decades and then cheat. Does once a cheater always a cheater apply if you've been faithful for 25 years and unfaithful for 2 months?

+1. I think people like to believe in certainties, so they comfort themselves with notions that someone who has always been faithful will continue to do so, and they are protected from danger by avoiding that once-a-cheater person.

Real life doesn't work this way. People and circumstances change, in good ways and bad, continually. And fundamentally good people make mistakes all the time. There are no guarantees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are three kinds of people: 1) those whose marriage vows mean nothing and still try to get laid as if they are single. 2) those who intend to honor their vows but are human and if they are sexually or emotionally abandoned by their spouse, will be vulnerable to cheating; and 3) those who see cheating as the most deadly sin and would rather divorce than even consider it as an option to stay married and sane.

Most people are in category #2. You should assume that if you treat your spouse poorly they have the potential to stray. Category 1 people are out there but are rare, and they will never change.

Yes. This. Exactly.

You may be forgetting category number four. When the cheating spouse does so in order to assert dominance over the non-cheating spouse, regardless of the non-cheating spouse's physical and emotional availability. Some cheaters just need to feel they have the upper hand, often demonstrated when the non-cheating spouse has great successes, whether professionally or otherwise. The cheater may do so to protect his or her ego, out of insecurity, or simply as a matter of aggression. I don't think this falls into category one, because a cheater may become a cheater overtime based on his or her own emotional or other issues. I don't think it necessarily means they never had respect for their valves, just that the impulse to gain or maintain control is stronger.

[Anonymous]

I don't think category 1 is rare at all, depending on culture. There are many cultures where it's not unusual for men to continue acting single after they're married.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. I've been unfaithful in past relationships but would never cheat on DH. Part of it is that I grew up and figured out what I wanted/prioritized in a relationship. Another part is that I finally found what I was looking for in a relationship and the risk of losing what we have is not one I'm even remotely willing to take. Plus, the idea of it makes me sick (whereas in past relationships I loved the feeling of being chased, desired, etc). People are not as simple as "once a cheater, always a cheater."