4 yr old says he wishes he was a girl

[Anonymous]

When my son was 2 there were a few times when he said he was a girl, not a boy, but mostly he would say he was a boy - and at that point he seemed to also confuse other peoples' gender. Within the past year or so there have been 2 separate times when he has said he wishes he was a girl. Most recently he said something to the effect of not liking being a boy. He has a name that could be either a girl's name or a boy's name, and he brought this up. We responded by saying that he gets to express himself however he feels comfortable. Otherwise he is the boyest of little boys we know. He has never had any interest in any girl toys, is obsessed with trains/trucks/planes/construction/etc. He is pretty much only interested in playing with other boys and is not interested in any girl tv shows.

I'm not really sure how to deal with this and whether we should even think of it as something to 'deal' with. I just don't want to not do something early enough if that's what's right in this situation. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Just ignore it/treat it as no big deal until he makes it a big deal. If you're having to ask whether it's a big deal, it isn't. If he has real issues with his gender identity, you will KNOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore it/treat it as no big deal until he makes it a big deal. If you're having to ask whether it's a big deal, it isn't. If he has real issues with his gender identity, you will KNOW.

+1. I wanted to be a boy when I was a kid (I had an older brother and I thought he and his cool friends had more fun that my little girlfriends and I did). It passed.

[Anonymous]

Op please, please do not turn this into more than it is. He is a. four year old boy with a fun imagination. Your job as his parent is to teach him what that means. For his sake , please do not buy into the current fad of making this about something it is not. You could cause him and your relationship long term damage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op please, please do not turn this into more than it is. He is a. four year old boy with a fun imagination. Your job as his parent is to teach him what that means. For his sake , please do not buy into the current fad of making this about something it is not. You could cause him and your relationship long term damage

I totally agree with this.

[Anonymous]

I have a girl who sometimes says she IS a boy, so I always follow these threads. I think in a post a few months ago, someone made the distinction between a kid saying that they WISH they were the opposite gender versus saying that they ARE the opposite gender. That when a kid WISHES they were the opposite gender, it is often about wanting to do things that are commonly associated with that gender, which makes sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever asked him why he wants to be a girl?

I'm curious what he would say, but I feel like at this age it might be something random and not gender identity related.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We did ask him why he wanted to be a girl and he just said he didn't know.. Per the other previous poster, maybe next time it comes up I'll ask him if there are 'girl' things that he wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Oh please my 6 year old still says he wishes he was an elephant. He's been saying it since he was 2. I am not pursuing finding out why he wants to be an elephant at all. Some things are just not meant to be!

[Anonymous]

Listen to him.

[Anonymous]

My DS1 said this sometimes at that age. I just talked to him about why he felt that way and tried to address his issues. For example, when he said that girls get to play with Barbie dolls, I said pshaw! and bought him a Barbie (and a male figure, too, can't remember which one). He dressed and undressed them occasionally over the next few months, sometimes built houses out of blocks for them to live in, etc. But he didn't play with them as much as his other toys TBH and eventually lost interest completely. He also liked sparkly things, and I let him get sparkly sneakers when he asked for them. He also sometimes tucked his penis between his legs when he was in the tub and would say, "Look I'm a girl!" I would just say, benignly, "Yep, girls don't have penises."

But after a while he didn't mention it anymore. Maybe around age 6? Like OP's son, he seemed all boy in most ways--very rough and tumble, loved playing with trains, trucks, etc. But unlike OP's son, he played equally with boys and girls. I will say, he had a terrific imagination and generally did a lot of playacting--he frequently pretended to be a baby bird, LOL.

He's 17 now and appears to be completely comfortable in his (male) skin. And straight as well.

[Anonymous]

I know of a family where the younger son at about 2 started wanting to be a girl. Got more and more intense and eventually the kid would not wear boy clothes and changed his name. Parents didn't fight it, went with the flow and kid now lives life as a girl at 5. They worked hard at the school transition, who know what will happen.

Point is, if there is anything real to deal with like this family has to do, you will know. Just be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please my 6 year old still says he wishes he was an elephant. He's been saying it since he was 2. I am not pursuing finding out why he wants to be an elephant at all. Some things are just not meant to be!

+1

[Anonymous]

Op, it is up to you to raise a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We responded by saying that he gets to express himself however he feels comfortable.

OP, next time you could keep it a little more simple, using everyday language. My 4 yr/old boy wants to be a girl so he can have long hair and put things in it. Some kids' 4 yr/old boys want to be a girl because their best friend is a girl and they want to be like their friend. Let them talk about it naturally and keep it at a preschooler level.