Vent: SIL makes strange comments about my baby wanting her milk/boobs

[Anonymous]

I have an EBF 3 month old, my SIL's child is breastfed and a few months older. Everytime we see her and she holds my boy, she makes comments in baby voice, like "Yes, you see my boobs! You like them!" or "You want my milk!" or "Yes, you want my boobs!" DH and I find this so strange and embarrassing. The last time she did this, she was talking very loudly outside the coffee shop and people were looking. I wouldn't say anything to her since it's not a big deal, and she generally does a lot of cringey things ... but is this not a super weird thing to do?

[Anonymous]

Yes, that is super weird. But you are right not to say anything and let it go. If she's still saying this kind of stuff after you aren't breastfeeding anymore, then yeah, say something. But for now it's just a weird little thing that doesn't actually impact your child.

Just for funsies, what are the other "cringey" things?

[Anonymous]

It's a little weird that she comments on it so much, but it's not like she's talking about some bizarre phenomenon or a threat/comparison to you. When I was nursing my kids, I pretty much couldn't hold someone else's baby without them rooting to nurse. I was embarrassed by it, but perhaps your SIL has just embraced it and sees the humor more.

[Anonymous]

I know I'll get flamed for this, but whatever: she sounds like one of those BFing zealots who is obsessed with breastfeeding and her status as a breastfeeding mother, and thus loves to bring it up incessantly. These women define themselves by their breastfeeding, and never stop going on about the fact that they're breastfeeding, or that their kids are breastfed, or breastfeeding breastfeeding breastfeeding breastfeeding breastfeeding.

While I breastfed my kids, I never went on and on about it or was remotely zealous/evangelical/overbearing about it. I just did it for several months and then I lost my milk and formula was just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'll get flamed for this, but whatever: she sounds like one of those BFing zealots who is obsessed with breastfeeding and her status as a breastfeeding mother, and thus loves to bring it up incessantly. These women define themselves by their breastfeeding, and never stop going on about the fact that they're breastfeeding, or that their kids are breastfed, or breastfeeding breastfeeding breastfeeding breastfeeding breastfeeding.

While I breastfed my kids, I never went on and on about it or was remotely zealous/evangelical/overbearing about it. I just did it for several months and then I lost my milk and formula was just fine.

You sound pretty defensive about it - no one asked if you breastfed your kids, nor is that relevant to the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Very weird! But I am not sure what you can say. I would probably just laugh with my husband about the weirdness.

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's so awkward. Of course babies sometimes root for milk on other women, but the normal reaction is "oh, he seems hungry - here" and hand the baby back, or if you want to make a joke about it, some grandma-types have said "oh honey, there's no milk in there!" and we all giggle, and then I take the baby back if she actually seems hungry. Your SIL's reaction is not the typical reaction. I'd be embarrassed too, but probably just let everyone else take note and not say anything myself. Some situations require no explanation or comment - everyone recognizes it for what it is.

[Anonymous]

So you and her brother find it, well, extremely cringe-making, and you say nothing to her?

How is his relationship with her otherwise? Your relationship with her? The fact you say she does other "cringey" things means these comments can't be totally out of character for her.

So your husband needs to say something. Not you--your husband, her brother. His sister is his to deal with. And since you don't indicate that she's awful in other ways, just stick with keeping it direct and somewhat light: "Whoa, sis, enough with the talk about your boobs and your milk. The kid's fed just fine, and I know you're just joking around, but both Wife and I aren't up for that kind of talk right out here in the coffee shop, OK?" Hearing from her brother fce to face might just give her pause more than if she hears that from you -- if you say it, she might fob it off as a joke, but -- unless your husband goes around loudly talking about boobs in public -- hearing him say that back at her might just get her to stop. At least for a while.

If she's the type who would get huffy and insulted and swan off saying, "Well! I was only playing!" just let it go and don't bring it up again -- until she does it again. Next time she holds the baby and starts in on the weird talk, find a reason to take baby back while changing to any other topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an EBF 3 month old, my SIL's child is breastfed and a few months older. Everytime we see her and she holds my boy, she makes comments in baby voice, like "Yes, you see my boobs! You like them!" or "You want my milk!" or "Yes, you want my boobs!" DH and I find this so strange and embarrassing. The last time she did this, she was talking very loudly outside the coffee shop and people were looking. I wouldn't say anything to her since it's not a big deal, and she generally does a lot of cringey things ... but is this not a super weird thing to do?

It's a bit weird for other people, but you admit she does cringey things so it's not weird for her. I'd let it go, but stop her if she actually tries to nurse him.

[Anonymous]

She probably thinks she's being funny (?) or she's an odd-duck-bull-in-a-china-shop sort of woman who just clods her way through life.

Avoid public places with her...haha.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want my kid to start off life hearing the word "boobs". Make up an insane word for nursing like "lactationstation" and tell her that's the term you prefer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I'll get flamed for this, but whatever: she sounds like one of those BFing zealots who is obsessed with breastfeeding and her status as a breastfeeding mother, and thus loves to bring it up incessantly. These women define themselves by their breastfeeding, and never stop going on about the fact that they're breastfeeding, or that their kids are breastfed, or breastfeeding breastfeeding breastfeeding breastfeeding breastfeeding.

While I breastfed my kids, I never went on and on about it or was remotely zealous/evangelical/overbearing about it. I just did it for several months and then I lost my milk and formula was just fine.

You sound pretty defensive about it - no one asked if you breastfed your kids, nor is that relevant to the conversation.

NP here. I totally understand what she's saying. There are some women who do becoming strangely preoccupied with it and think that this basic human function is the most fascinating thing in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want my kid to start off life hearing the word "boobs". Make up an insane word for nursing like "lactationstation" and tell her that's the term you prefer.

Lol. Tell her that you prefer the term "udders".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you and her brother find it, well, extremely cringe-making, and you say nothing to her?

How is his relationship with her otherwise? Your relationship with her? The fact you say she does other "cringey" things means these comments can't be totally out of character for her.

So your husband needs to say something. Not you--your husband, her brother. His sister is his to deal with. And since you don't indicate that she's awful in other ways, just stick with keeping it direct and somewhat light: "Whoa, sis, enough with the talk about your boobs and your milk. The kid's fed just fine, and I know you're just joking around, but both Wife and I aren't up for that kind of talk right out here in the coffee shop, OK?" Hearing from her brother fce to face might just give her pause more than if she hears that from you -- if you say it, she might fob it off as a joke, but -- unless your husband goes around loudly talking about boobs in public -- hearing him say that back at her might just get her to stop. At least for a while.

If she's the type who would get huffy and insulted and swan off saying, "Well! I was only playing!" just let it go and don't bring it up again -- until she does it again. Next time she holds the baby and starts in on the weird talk, find a reason to take baby back while changing to any other topic.

She is exactly that type, so we say nothing and laugh it off.

As far as other cringey things she says/does, I don't want to say anything too specific. But SIL has no qualms about talking very loudly and at length about her child's poops while out in public and when others are eating. She is in her mid 30s and dresses like a 20 something (booty shorts, low cut shirts and dresses, etc). She used to teach dance and had her 8 year old female students doing booty shaking, suggestive dance moves in their performances.
SIL's younger sister complained that my SIL was flirtatious with her new boyfriend when she brought him around, making comments like "It's hot outside, I could just walk around naked." SIL means well but is just very clueless how she comes off sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's weird. She's obviously proud of her boobs and can't easily work them into daily conversations. Your DC has been a Godsend. In reality, she's probably not aware how often she says it and thinks it's funny.

You can choose to say nothing.

Say, "Enough about your boobs" in an annoyed tone.

Or make a joke, "Doesn't every just want your boobs?" or "Your husband told us he won't share them with DC" or "DC only has eyes for my boobs, thank you very much."

IME, it's worse when people make comments about your boobs. My SIL kept commenting how big they were or said, "Let me see..." when I would BF my DC.