Did MIL cross the line and do we say something

[Anonymous]

On Wednesday MIL came to our house to babysit for 2 hours while I had a work meeting. She does not normally provide our childcare for work.
When I got home she had pulled the rubber ring out of the garbage disposal and left it sitting on the counter so I could see how filthy it was. She said garbage disposals are her new thing since she had to pull hers out and realized how the gunk builds up.
I thought it was a weird thing to do in someone elses house but didnt say anything.
Then last night DW and I were talking and she said that MIL told her that while DD was in bed she took it up herself to go and inspect our washer and dryer and then go into our bedroom and into our dressers and sniffed DW's ( so she said) underwear to check out the smell.
As a back story, DW has a tendency to leave clothes sitting in the washer/dryer to long and sometimes by the time they are clean they have a stale kind of smell. DW does not smell and it hasnt been an issue for us to be honest. Apparently it bothers MIL though.
I feel totally violated by MIL. Who knows if she checked out my clothes too, she wouldnt have known whoso were whos when she first opened drawers ( were both female)
I don't want her in our house by herself in anymore, DW agrees.
I want MIL to know why we don't want her there anymore but DW thinks we just dont ask her to babysit at our house anymore but not say why.
Who knows what else shes been snooping in!

[Anonymous]

Yes, this was a very weird thing for your MIL to do. I would be very angry too. It's not just the snooping, which is intrusive enough. It's that she's making work for you -- you need to clean your garbage disposal, you need to do laundry better. You don't need lists of chores imposed by her.

I would say something, but she sounds borderline and it won't phase her. I wouldn't have her in your home unescorted.

[Anonymous]

I don't leave my mother in my house alone for similar reasons, but have never had an express conversation with her as to why. I've been dealing with my mother long enough to know that such a conversation (1) wouldn't go well and (2) wouldn't do any good.

[Anonymous]

Is this the panty sniffer troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It's that she's making work for you -- you need to clean your garbage disposal, you need to do laundry better. /quote]

Well, you do. Keep your garbage disposal clean. Remove clothing promptly from the washer and dry it. She may be smelling the mildew and mold that can start to form on clothing an hour or two after being washed while wet. I can smell it even after clothes are dry.

You're mother in law was not out of place. If you don't like it don't have her over. In the meantime, exercise better hygiene in your home.

[Anonymous]

07:17 not a troll, I said underwear because thats what it was, but it could have been socks, shirts or whatever, the point is she went in our room and went through our stuff without our knowledge or permission.
I do my laundry and the house laundry, DW is only responsible for her own. I get mine all in and out in a day, I would love for DW's get moved along quicker but honestly I dont notice the smell and it doesnt bother either of us. No one else has ever said anything.

[Anonymous]

Op again, and whats really bizarre to me is that she told DW she did it, which tells me she things its ok, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It's that she's making work for you -- you need to clean your garbage disposal, you need to do laundry better. /quote]

Well, you do. Keep your garbage disposal clean. Remove clothing promptly from the washer and dry it. She may be smelling the mildew and mold that can start to form on clothing an hour or two after being washed while wet. I can smell it even after clothes are dry.

You're mother in law was not out of place. If you don't like it don't have her over. In the meantime, exercise better hygiene in your home.

Hi MIL!

[Anonymous]

This woman was alone in your house for 2 hours and during that time your daughter napped long enough for MIL to "inspect" your garbage disposal, washer, dryer AND sniff your wife's underwear. She then TOLD your wife that she did all of this?

Seriously?? Obviously if she really did do that she shouldn't be allowed alone in your house ever again. Weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Sniffing other people's clothes/underwear? Totally messed up. The rest of the stuff I can see my MIL doing because she feels she knows better how to handle household chores (well, she does, I suppose) and is very involved in our home. I've learned to let a lot of it go as being helpful.

[Anonymous]

08:07: I know right!

She really only should have had an hour because thats how long DD sleeps, She much have rushed to do it as soon as DD went down.

[Anonymous]

Perfectly normal.

[Anonymous]

Just don't leave her alone in your house again.

[Anonymous]

There is no point in having a conversation. Change the rules and change the locks. She has no understanding of boundaries. If she insists that she needs to watch DD at tour house, just say, "That doesn't work for us." And be prepared ro back that up by getting a different sitter, even if it costs an arm and a leg. These people don't care about your boundaries and will respect them only inasmuch as you enforce them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no point in having a conversation. Change the rules and change the locks. She has no understanding of boundaries. If she insists that she needs to watch DD at tour house, just say, "That doesn't work for us." And be prepared ro back that up by getting a different sitter, even if it costs an arm and a leg. These people don't care about your boundaries and will respect them only inasmuch as you enforce them.

I totally agree. I could see the garbage disposal thing but the rest is totally messed up.