If you married into money

[Anonymous]

Whats that like? Is it difficult to marry someone who is much richer than you? Do his/her family ever judge you for your less privileged background? Any class differences?

[Anonymous]

Don't worry about friends and family judging you. Friends and family will always find a reason to judge you even if you come from the same ethnicity, social class, educational level etc. It's inevitable.

[Anonymous]

Good manners are all you need. Everything else doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

I am engaged to a very wealthy man. We have been dating since my senior year in high school. His parents definitely know we are in love and I am not with him for his (or their) money.

Honestly the difficult part was moving in together. He thought nothing of being rough with things because if they broke, he could just have someone buy a new one. He thought nothing of throwing out food if there was a little left. He'd never flown coach; I'd never flown at all.

So working out those things was really hard. Some of his friends are rich assholes but he is getting better at seeing that and distancing himself or calling them out on it. I think some of his extended family wonders about me/us but at this point most of them know me so hopefully they know the truth.

TONS of class differences. We work on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am engaged to a very wealthy man. We have been dating since my senior year in high school. His parents definitely know we are in love and I am not with him for his (or their) money.

Honestly the difficult part was moving in together. He thought nothing of being rough with things because if they broke, he could just have someone buy a new one. He thought nothing of throwing out food if there was a little left. He'd never flown coach; I'd never flown at all.

So working out those things was really hard. Some of his friends are rich assholes but he is getting better at seeing that and distancing himself or calling them out on it. I think some of his extended family wonders about me/us but at this point most of them know me so hopefully they know the truth.

TONS of class differences. We work on it.

What are your respective ethnic backgrounds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good manners are all you need. Everything else doesn't matter.

This. + the ability to hold good conversation and obvious devotion to spouse.

I've seen it and it's 1. seamless, and 2. beautiful to see how well he fits into the family. They are a loving couple and solid good fit.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I married into money. Came from an uneducated and highly dysfunctional family. But we couldn't be happier. Together 16 years with one son. I'm well mannered, good conversationalist, can go anywhere and make no apologies for my background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am engaged to a very wealthy man. We have been dating since my senior year in high school. His parents definitely know we are in love and I am not with him for his (or their) money.

Honestly the difficult part was moving in together. He thought nothing of being rough with things because if they broke, he could just have someone buy a new one. He thought nothing of throwing out food if there was a little left. He'd never flown coach; I'd never flown at all.

So working out those things was really hard. Some of his friends are rich assholes but he is getting better at seeing that and distancing himself or calling them out on it. I think some of his extended family wonders about me/us but at this point most of them know me so hopefully they know the truth.

TONS of class differences. We work on it.

What are your respective ethnic backgrounds?

Why does this matter this isn't India

[Anonymous]

DH's family has lots of $$$$. Dad was blue collar; but Mom's family had taste & style, though little cash. What I brought to the table was: charm, good looks and an upbeat personality! I resemble MIL and have excellent manners. I attended a private school (on scholarship) and learned how to mix with the blue bloods of my small town! Dale Carnegie's methods work every time - be a good listener as they go on & on about themselves!

[Anonymous]

I married into money. I was welcomed into the family with open arms. They have been nothing but loving and have found the perfect balance everyone hopes to have from their in-laws, between being supportive yet not overly involved.

The only trouble I have had was self-inflected. I was so stressed about our families meeting, but I quickly got over it, let go of it, and everything was fine.

We get along very well, have interesting conversations, and I can fit in where ever we are (around their highly educated and accomplished friends, on their yacht, etc.). I just had to let go of my own insecurities to be able to enjoy it. People are people, regardless of economic status.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who married into money how did you meet your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married into money. I was welcomed into the family with open arms. They have been nothing but loving and have found the perfect balance everyone hopes to have from their in-laws, between being supportive yet not overly involved.

The only trouble I have had was self-inflected. I was so stressed about our families meeting, but I quickly got over it, let go of it, and everything was fine.

We get along very well, have interesting conversations, and I can fit in where ever we are (around their highly educated and accomplished friends, on their yacht, etc.). I just had to let go of my own insecurities to be able to enjoy it. People are people, regardless of economic status.

So much truth in this statement. There are wonderful people from all walks of life, and there are jerks as well. Money isn't the determining factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who married into money how did you meet your spouse?

BBQ at his group house 16 years ago. My friend's brother lived with DH and a couple other guys. I was 23 and he was 25.

[Anonymous]

So any men marry into money or is it always women marrying up?

[Anonymous]

I married into money. But I didn't know it - not for a while. We met at fancy Ivy League grad school and he pursued me hard. I had no idea he was wealthy. I turned him down many times. It wasn't until we both enrolled at Ivy law school that I paid him attention. We've been together now 15+ years and married 10, one kid. I have to admit his money has made life soooo much easier for me. I was raised poor, but I was crazy hardworking (ergo, Ivy college, grad school and law school -- and am also extensive well traveled - Junior year abroad in Paris, fluent in French, Spanish and Italian). Had research fellowships to Latin America, Asia and Europe (living in each continent for several months at a time). So, by the time I met DH -- I was arguably more "cultured" than he was. He knew I was a "catch" and worked hard for my attentions.

So, in the end, his wealth was an really nice bonus and surprise. It allowed me to be a SAHM for 7 years and now I'm back in the workforce (which I love--- his money allows me to do work I am passionate for, even if at a lower pay-point than in the private sector). And, importantly, allows for private schools, really nice him in a desirable area allowing for super short commutes. If it wasn't for his wealth, we'd be struggling to keep up in DC.

Makes me realize how unfair all of it is. How it's so much luck of the draw on who you marry. I lucked out. Totally lucked out (since I didn't marry for money). But realize how unfair it is to have so much based on another generation's efforts.