Family vent

[Anonymous]

My grandmother is one of the most sweetest, kindest, caring, could go on and on, people I have ever encountered in my life. I never met my grandfather. He committed suicide before I was born. The problem is every single one of her 5 children.

An abusive drunk who has never worked and has lived with her well into his 60s, a daughter in NY with money who makes my grandmother sign over some property or asset to her whenever my grandmother asks her for help, another daughter who is the youngest and dates abusive losers who beat her and rob her constantly, another son who goes to my grandmothers and steals her jewelry, valuables, etc and then my father who has been in and out of work my entire life and prefers to sleep all day and night instead of getting a job while living off the government.

Can an entire family truly be this messed up? I have trouble thinking that they came from her, are a part of her, and wonder if my grandfather was a monster and they all are more like him. But on the other hand, is it my grandmothers fault? If it was one black sheep I wouldn't even ask. But its everyone.

As she has gotten older and is slowly falling into dementia and illness I'm afraid she won't recover from, it is an almost daily battle between everyone not over who, what, how, will we take care of her but who will get the properties, the remaining valuables, the savings account.

I can't handle their disgusting behavior anymore. But as a grandchild, I have no say here. I just have to sit back and watch this horror show unfold. Please tell me its not just my family this is happening too. I am lost, just want her to get care and be happy until she passes, that's all. My own mother passed when I was 21, the thought of my brothers and I fighting like this over her belongings is unimaginable. We would never behave in such a cold way. Because we are more like her, I suppose.

Any advice on what I can do? Or just should I sit back and let this train roll into the station?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. If you can manage to, just write off any money and possessions. Just assume you won't see any of it and decide it won't matter.

Then, spend as much time with your grandmother now as you can. When she's having a good day talk with her about some of the things that have great meaning to her. At some point ask her if you could have something of her to keep with you when you're not able to be with her. Let her give you something that she chooses and that can have meaning to you. She can do that when she's still alive and you can bypass all of the family crud and still have something to remember her with when she's gone.

Take pictures with her now. Ask her to tell stories of her childhood, stories about your mom as a child, etc... Write them down, or record her talking.

All of that will be more precious in ten years time than any possessions.

In terms of her care, you can always call local authorities and ask them to do a well check.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Given the suicide and how messed up all your aunts/uncles are, I can only assume that your grandfather was mentally ill/unstable/abusive/some combination of that.