Help me hide

[Anonymous]

I'm an introvert and I hate being around people for more than a few hours. I'm about to be with DH's huge, extended family for a reunion weekend.

Help me hide! There are only so many bathroom visits a girl can make...

[Anonymous]

Ugg - I feel you. Visiting DHs family reunions is like walking into an episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey...

Step 1: DH knows you are an introvert. Ask to set firm guidelines on time. Say event is 12-5 (or whenever). You will be there from 1:30-4.

Step 2: ask for something to do if possible - "oh, cousin Jane I'd be happy to do the dishes for you....catalogue gifts...take coats...etc.". It affords you something other than making chit chat, it's a nice distraction and gives you some alone time.

Step 3: take a break. Tell DH in advance that you may need a break. Keep it to 20-30 min in the middle of the party. Excuses: allergies, picking up Ice or groceries or "important phone call" - walk around the block or hop in the car

Also useful: find they kiddie table..take them for a walk, play catch, etc. Ask little Timmy to show you his crayon scribbles. Parents love when their kids are entertained. The 4-8 set also are always willing to show adults the cool stuff they can do.

Step 4: prepared list of conversation topics. Now is a good time to brush up on current events, sports, Pop culture etc. you hit an uncomfortable moment "hey, did you catch Scandal last week? That Olivia Pope..wow, what a show" (I've never watched scandal...). Let them talk... Also prep answers to dreaded questions: work, family, etc.

Step 5: be the best listener...ever. Old business networking tip: People love to talk about themselves...have a few easy open ended questions ready to go then just listen. "That's fascinating." "Tell me more" "(repeat phrase)?" "What do you think?" "That must be exciting/difficult?" "How do you do that?" Maintain eye contact, smile, nod, repeat phrases...and zone out.

Step 6: learn how to identify "safe" people. DHs third cousins new girlfriend -- she doesn't know anyone and will be thrilled to chat with you. Have her as your partner and bring her around "this is cousin Sally. She lives in Florida" attention is now off you.... I've also found just hanging out near the biggest loud mouth works too. They are so into hearing the marbles speak that they are happy to have a (quiet...zoned out) audience...

Best of luck

[Anonymous]

Thank you!!!

[Anonymous]

Offer to go walk a dog, walk a baby until they fall asleep.

Or just ... go for a walk. "I need a break from all the excitement - I'm going for a quiet walk. Back in an hour!"

[Anonymous]

Stay home.

[Anonymous]

Take walks alone. Run errands (which include finding somewhere to sit alone, even if it's in the car). Pretend to take naps or "bring work" and retreat into your room with the laptop and a closed door for a bit. Those are all things I've done as an introvert on family visits.

[Anonymous]

Oh we forgot my allergy meds, I just have to take a quick run to cvs, be right back!

That list above by the PP is great.

Other questions that always get people talking: "Now tell me how you and Grandpa met..." "Now that DS is age ___, I have been wondering what DH was like at that age..." Sit down with anyone in a generation older than yours and start asking.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP. I like to find someone old and sit by them and listen to them. They are usually thrilled--and interesting.

Bring something to make, if you're in a house and they would not be annoyed at your making something in the kitchen. Like a dip. Or a cheese tray. "Oh, I have to peel and slice all these carrots."

Hang out with the pet. "Oh, it would be such a treat for me to take fido around the block."

Drink some wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugg - I feel you. Visiting DHs family reunions is like walking into an episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey...

Step 1: DH knows you are an introvert. Ask to set firm guidelines on time. Say event is 12-5 (or whenever). You will be there from 1:30-4.

Step 2: ask for something to do if possible - "oh, cousin Jane I'd be happy to do the dishes for you....catalogue gifts...take coats...etc.". It affords you something other than making chit chat, it's a nice distraction and gives you some alone time.

Step 3: take a break. Tell DH in advance that you may need a break. Keep it to 20-30 min in the middle of the party. Excuses: allergies, picking up Ice or groceries or "important phone call" - walk around the block or hop in the car

Also useful: find they kiddie table..take them for a walk, play catch, etc. Ask little Timmy to show you his crayon scribbles. Parents love when their kids are entertained. The 4-8 set also are always willing to show adults the cool stuff they can do.

Step 4: prepared list of conversation topics. Now is a good time to brush up on current events, sports, Pop culture etc. you hit an uncomfortable moment "hey, did you catch Scandal last week? That Olivia Pope..wow, what a show" (I've never watched scandal...). Let them talk... Also prep answers to dreaded questions: work, family, etc.

Step 5: be the best listener...ever. Old business networking tip: People love to talk about themselves...have a few easy open ended questions ready to go then just listen. "That's fascinating." "Tell me more" "(repeat phrase)?" "What do you think?" "That must be exciting/difficult?" "How do you do that?" Maintain eye contact, smile, nod, repeat phrases...and zone out.

Step 6: learn how to identify "safe" people. DHs third cousins new girlfriend -- she doesn't know anyone and will be thrilled to chat with you. Have her as your partner and bring her around "this is cousin Sally. She lives in Florida" attention is now off you.... I've also found just hanging out near the biggest loud mouth works too. They are so into hearing the marbles speak that they are happy to have a (quiet...zoned out) audience...

Best of luck

I am not even an introvert and I love these tips!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugg - I feel you. Visiting DHs family reunions is like walking into an episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey...

Step 1: DH knows you are an introvert. Ask to set firm guidelines on time. Say event is 12-5 (or whenever). You will be there from 1:30-4.

Step 2: ask for something to do if possible - "oh, cousin Jane I'd be happy to do the dishes for you....catalogue gifts...take coats...etc.". It affords you something other than making chit chat, it's a nice distraction and gives you some alone time.

Step 3: take a break. Tell DH in advance that you may need a break. Keep it to 20-30 min in the middle of the party. Excuses: allergies, picking up Ice or groceries or "important phone call" - walk around the block or hop in the car

Also useful: find they kiddie table..take them for a walk, play catch, etc. Ask little Timmy to show you his crayon scribbles. Parents love when their kids are entertained. The 4-8 set also are always willing to show adults the cool stuff they can do.

Step 4: prepared list of conversation topics. Now is a good time to brush up on current events, sports, Pop culture etc. you hit an uncomfortable moment "hey, did you catch Scandal last week? That Olivia Pope..wow, what a show" (I've never watched scandal...). Let them talk... Also prep answers to dreaded questions: work, family, etc.

Step 5: be the best listener...ever. Old business networking tip: People love to talk about themselves...have a few easy open ended questions ready to go then just listen. "That's fascinating." "Tell me more" "(repeat phrase)?" "What do you think?" "That must be exciting/difficult?" "How do you do that?" Maintain eye contact, smile, nod, repeat phrases...and zone out.

Step 6: learn how to identify "safe" people. DHs third cousins new girlfriend -- she doesn't know anyone and will be thrilled to chat with you. Have her as your partner and bring her around "this is cousin Sally. She lives in Florida" attention is now off you.... I've also found just hanging out near the biggest loud mouth works too. They are so into hearing the marbles speak that they are happy to have a (quiet...zoned out) audience...

Best of luck

Great list. A few to add:

- Take a glass of wine or a cup of tea (or your drink of choice) and head out to the deck or patio. If anyone asks, you need a breath of fresh air, are hot, are cold, or need a quick break from the noise. Slowly sip your glass/cup and when you're finished and have had a chance to regain your equilibrium, head on back.

- If there are unused public rooms, give yourself a quick tour. For example, there is a small formal living room, but the party is in the family room; stop and admire the decorations in the living room. If the host stops by compliment it "Oh, I love your painting here and was just admiring it." "What a lovely flower arrangement. Where did you get it?" You can admire the family photos in the hallway or the chandelier in the foyer.

- For step 5 above, you can also encourage them to talk by admiring something about them. "Wow, that's a lovely outfit. Where did you get it?" "The dish you brought was fantastic. Do you do a lot of cooking?" This will usually open them up to talk about themselves or one of their interests/passions. You can still zone out. You just have to keep enough attention to know when you have to respond or prompt them again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an introvert and I hate being around people for more than a few hours. I'm about to be with DH's huge, extended family for a reunion weekend.

Help me hide! There are only so many bathroom visits a girl can make...

distract your husband from the event by having sex with him. He might be so thrilled that he decides not to go... or you can get him to leave early.... or you could just spend all weekend in the hotel room having sex

[Anonymous]

I'm an introvert, but I'm firmly of the opinion that you shouldn't limit yourself to your comfort zone. It's life, and you only get one chance to live it. If you have to be around people a few times a year for events like this, try your best to be social and push your boundaries. A few hours around others is not something a grown adult who is mentally healthy should be hiding from, regardless of whether he or she prefers solitude for the most part.

We're getting to be a fragile, stilted group of hedonists in this country. Sometimes doing the uncomfortable thing is what makes you grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an introvert, but I'm firmly of the opinion that you shouldn't limit yourself to your comfort zone. It's life, and you only get one chance to live it. If you have to be around people a few times a year for events like this, try your best to be social and push your boundaries. A few hours around others is not something a grown adult who is mentally healthy should be hiding from, regardless of whether he or she prefers solitude for the most part.

We're getting to be a fragile, stilted group of hedonists in this country. Sometimes doing the uncomfortable thing is what makes you grow.

You're not an introvert if a weekend with extended family wouldn't drive you crazy. Nice try though.

[Anonymous]

Really like the suggestions from PP.

Are photos involved? They always are at DH's reunion. Older relatives bring photo albums and I love just sitting down and flipping through and maybe asking questions of the album owner "Is this Beatrice? Wow! Now is this before she and Herbert were married? Oh...her shoes! Would this have been a special occasion?"

Then sit back and listen to how Beatrice was always dressed to the nines, had an extensive hat collection and met Herbert when he complimented her on her marvelous hat.

Find the oldest relative and chat/visit. Or, find the genealogy nerd in the family and ask how they traced X branch or what they think of ancestry.com. You will endear yourself to the elders if you listen in rapt attention to stories. You don't have to really talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an introvert, but I'm firmly of the opinion that you shouldn't limit yourself to your comfort zone. It's life, and you only get one chance to live it. If you have to be around people a few times a year for events like this, try your best to be social and push your boundaries. A few hours around others is not something a grown adult who is mentally healthy should be hiding from, regardless of whether he or she prefers solitude for the most part.

We're getting to be a fragile, stilted group of hedonists in this country. Sometimes doing the uncomfortable thing is what makes you grow.

Shuttie.