What is the best way to find a new partner?

[Anonymous]

I am a middle aged man (51). I am widowed (8 months) with a teenage daughter. Since DW's passing, I have spent most of my time split between work and my daughter. But, I am getting lonely. At this point, the people that were initially coming around to make sure things are ok have moved on. These were mostly my wife's friends; all are married with children.

I am trying to figure out the best way for me to get back out there. I am not into bars, live in my house in the suburbs, and have my own (medical) medical issues (cancer and diabetes). I am told I am reasonably good looking, though tall and somewhat overweight (20% or so, based on weight). My hair is intact, and the only (significant) grey is in my facial hair.

I am thinking of on-line dating. I hear that there is a shortage of single people my age. Particularly those with decent careers (good salary, but not big law dollars) who are educated (grad degree in physical sciences) and funny. I know tinder would not play to my strengths, and I am not looking for hookups. I am thinking of okc or e-harmony. If this matters, I am a agnostic, but was born (and pretend to be) a reform jew.

I am open to suggestions....

[Anonymous]

J-Date is good (Jewish focused dating site)

My mother-in-law (Jewish) - after she was widowed - met her new husband on J-Date. He's actually not even Jewish! But many Gentiles use it because the people on J-Date are typically well educated, upper middle class, and "serious" about dating someone.

My mom (divorced, late 50s) met her current boyfriend on a website called "It's Our Time." This website is focused on dating for the Boomer population.

Definitely get online - it seems to be getting more popular everyday among Baby Boomers. You'll definitely find companionship.

[Anonymous]

Dating in one's 40s and 50s is easier for men than for women, and in general, there's a premium on widows/widowers rather than divorced folks. I know that sounds awful but I speak from experience-- I'm a 48 year old who was widowed four years ago and remarried this past year.

[Anonymous]

Museums , starbucks, library, nats game, community meetings, on metro. Key is being friendly. I chat with whomever, wherever. I meet knew people all the time. One thing is I'm married, so I feel comfortable chatting or flirting as it never goes anywhere.

[Anonymous]

I would be honest about the cancer and diabetes by the third date and before you become intimate or exclusive. If you are overweight, lose weight. Usually a good teeth whitening is needed.

[Anonymous]

OP, cultural events are filled with women. Stay out pf bars.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have any friends? Do you have a support network? A relationship shouldn't be a bandaid you throw over loneliness, and looking to that one person to fix it for you puts a lot of pressure on the other person. It might be easier for a find a partner for a healthy, happy, reciprocal relationship if you come into it with an already full life instead of with a gaping hole you need someone else to fill. That's not to say don't date, just don't date to the exclusion of building up the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP, not that I think you shouldn't date, but you shouldn't be dating because you're lonely.

Think about your daughter. Would you want her to look for a boyfriend to fill some void in her life, or would you want her to look for a boyfriend to add to her already-fulfilling life?

You deserve the same level of self-care.

How much can you really bring to the table if your reason for being there is a negative?

Call on friends and family, members of your cultural or religious groups, and spend the next six months or so building a new life as a widower. When you feel like your life is more or less complete, that's the time to seek out a partner. Whoever you end up dating will not be able to cure your loneliness, you need to do that yourself first.

[Anonymous]

Also, if you're just out looking for a wife because you are lonely, another person will sense that.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

In addition to the dating sites, which a lot of my normal 40+ friends use, you should let your circle know that you're ready to start dating. There's a pretty good chance that at least one of them will have a person or two in mind, and will be happy to make introductions. I'm always excited to invite people out to events (happy hours, parties) when I think they might be a good match.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry for your loss OP. Let me know if you want to have coffee. I am
45 and divorced ?

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman, a little younger than you. I echo the PPs who say don't rely solely on online dating. I've made an effort to socialize more with friends and acquaintances & have joined a few meetups in addition to doing OKC. The online dating thing can be time consuming and exhausting and won't really fill a void. It can be a while before you get the hang of things and really connect with someone. So follow the advice above and put yourself out there at cultural & art events, meetups, etc. so that you also have a non-dating social outlet.

Good luck. A successful, decent, fairly attractive man can get plenty of dates online, as long as your not aiming solely for the young, super-hot women.

[Anonymous]

*you're*^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle aged man (51). I am widowed (8 months) with a teenage daughter. Since DW's passing, I have spent most of my time split between work and my daughter. But, I am getting lonely. At this point, the people that were initially coming around to make sure things are ok have moved on. These were mostly my wife's friends; all are married with children.

I am trying to figure out the best way for me to get back out there. I am not into bars, live in my house in the suburbs, and have my own (medical) medical issues (cancer and diabetes). I am told I am reasonably good looking, though tall and somewhat overweight (20% or so, based on weight). My hair is intact, and the only (significant) grey is in my facial hair.

I am thinking of on-line dating. I hear that there is a shortage of single people my age. Particularly those with decent careers (good salary, but not big law dollars) who are educated (grad degree in physical sciences) and funny. I know tinder would not play to my strengths, and I am not looking for hookups. I am thinking of okc or e-harmony. If this matters, I am a agnostic, but was born (and pretend to be) a reform jew.

I am open to suggestions....

Talk to those friends of your DW. THey may have someone in mind for you. HOwever, 8 months may be considered too early for them. Was your DW's passing a surprise?

[Anonymous]

Trim all ear and nose hair, for starters. Eyebrows too.