What is the best way to find a new partner?

[Anonymous]

I agree with those who said to not date just because you're lonely. Of course you're lonely - your wife died - you're supposed to be lonely! I don't mean you're supposed to be lonely forever, but it's the normal, healthy emotion to feel in this situation, not one to remedy immediately by finding a new girlfriend.

Were I your daughter, I would be extremely put off if you were dating this soon after my mother's death, and, in reference to what immediate PP said, I'd also be bothered if you were my deceased friend's husband and dating (or especially asking me to fix you up) this soon afterward. Give it another year. Learn to be OK by yourself, as you've learned, you might wind up that way eventually anyway. You'll bring more to a future relationship that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who said to not date just because you're lonely. Of course you're lonely - your wife died - you're supposed to be lonely! I don't mean you're supposed to be lonely forever, but it's the normal, healthy emotion to feel in this situation, not one to remedy immediately by finding a new girlfriend.

Were I your daughter, I would be extremely put off if you were dating this soon after my mother's death, and, in reference to what immediate PP said, I'd also be bothered if you were my deceased friend's husband and dating (or especially asking me to fix you up) this soon afterward. Give it another year. Learn to be OK by yourself, as you've learned, you might wind up that way eventually anyway. You'll bring more to a future relationship that way.

Men often bounce back more quickly after divorce or death of a spouse. The wife is typically our only emotional sounding board and confidant. Men can't be alone, they'll have no one to talk with about their feelings.
This is true for 95% of straight men, IME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle aged man (51). I am widowed (8 months) with a teenage daughter. Since DW's passing, I have spent most of my time split between work and my daughter. But, I am getting lonely. At this point, the people that were initially coming around to make sure things are ok have moved on. These were mostly my wife's friends; all are married with children.

I am trying to figure out the best way for me to get back out there. I am not into bars, live in my house in the suburbs, and have my own (medical) medical issues (cancer and diabetes). I am told I am reasonably good looking, though tall and somewhat overweight (20% or so, based on weight). My hair is intact, and the only (significant) grey is in my facial hair.

I am thinking of on-line dating. I hear that there is a shortage of single people my age. Particularly those with decent careers (good salary, but not big law dollars) who are educated (grad degree in physical sciences) and funny. I know tinder would not play to my strengths, and I am not looking for hookups. I am thinking of okc or e-harmony. If this matters, I am a agnostic, but was born (and pretend to be) a reform jew.

I am open to suggestions....

Talk to those friends of your DW. THey may have someone in mind for you. HOwever, 8 months may be considered too early for them. Was your DW's passing a surprise?

I'm like the female version of you, except I was widowed 14 mos ago. Cancer, slightly overweight, etc. The main difference is that I am not at all ready to date, and in fact still wear my wedding ring. Yes, I do get lonely, and always feel an undertow of sadness, but I try to keep busy with friend, and my pets, and taking care of me--meditation, yoga, etc. I know it sucks, OP. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of the facial hair. Most women don't like it.

[Anonymous]

I think you should focus on your daughter and friends.

If friends have stopped coming around, invite a few over for pizza night or something or a BBQ.

Go to events at your daughters school - games, plays, whatever she is in.

Volunteer at her school if anything comes up - Christmas tree sale, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who said to not date just because you're lonely. Of course you're lonely - your wife died - you're supposed to be lonely! I don't mean you're supposed to be lonely forever, but it's the normal, healthy emotion to feel in this situation, not one to remedy immediately by finding a new girlfriend.

Were I your daughter, I would be extremely put off if you were dating this soon after my mother's death, and, in reference to what immediate PP said, I'd also be bothered if you were my deceased friend's husband and dating (or especially asking me to fix you up) this soon afterward. Give it another year. Learn to be OK by yourself, as you've learned, you might wind up that way eventually anyway. You'll bring more to a future relationship that way.

Men often bounce back more quickly after divorce or death of a spouse. The wife is typically our only emotional sounding board and confidant. Men can't be alone, they'll have no one to talk with about their feelings.
This is true for 95% of straight men, IME.

There's a big difference between bouncing back/recovering from the loss of a spouse, and feeling like you need to find someone because you can't tolerate being on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who said to not date just because you're lonely. Of course you're lonely - your wife died - you're supposed to be lonely! I don't mean you're supposed to be lonely forever, but it's the normal, healthy emotion to feel in this situation, not one to remedy immediately by finding a new girlfriend.

Were I your daughter, I would be extremely put off if you were dating this soon after my mother's death, and, in reference to what immediate PP said, I'd also be bothered if you were my deceased friend's husband and dating (or especially asking me to fix you up) this soon afterward. Give it another year. Learn to be OK by yourself, as you've learned, you might wind up that way eventually anyway. You'll bring more to a future relationship that way.

Men often bounce back more quickly after divorce or death of a spouse. The wife is typically our only emotional sounding board and confidant. Men can't be alone, they'll have no one to talk with about their feelings.
This is true for 95% of straight men, IME.

Unlikely that the teenage daughter will understand her father dating less than a year after her mother's death because "men can't be alone"!