What's the role of grandparents?

[Anonymous]

What does the ideal grandparent look like to you? Do you and and your kids grandpa nets agree on the role of a grandparent?

[Anonymous]

What? Are you looking to draw up a contract?

[Anonymous]

-Advice to parents *only when asked,* and no transparent, passive-aggressive hints

-general admirer/playmate/positive presence; no disciplining if the parent is right there and us already on top of it!

-let the parents know what the rules are in your house, but let them enforce them. Step in only if needed. Do not dream of making up rules for their house.

-offer to help, but if the offer is declined, just relax

-if asked for help, do what is being asked, not what YOU think would be helpful!

-invite to your house as often as you wish; don't invite yourself to their house/announce you are coming!

[Anonymous]

I've always thought the role of grandparents is entirely up to them and their personality.

My parents spoil our kids and let them get away with murder. It makes them happy it makes our kids happy. Our kids don't get junk at home and can't make a fort and stay up all night for example - they get to at their grandparents. My parents are heavily involved. My DHs parents are different. His mom is very caring but motherly and will correct them (totally okay with me) his dad is standoffish and not very nurturing, just as he was with DH and his siblings.

I never tried to force anything with any of the grandparents or shape it into an idea I had in my head. I find when you do that your expectations are rarely ever met - this can be applied to so many areas of life. This way our children get authentic relationships with each grandparent.

[Anonymous]

Varies depending on age and interests. My parents are in early 60s and active. They babysit my 20 month-old and 4 year-old when we go on multiple day trips. Our girls are staying with them for 8 days while I'm away on business next week. It helps that my sister and her toddlers live down the street from my parents and my mom watches her other grandkids for one day every week. My parents live 11 hrs away from us so this happens 2-3x year for us. My husband's parents are 80 and have never babysat, even for a couple hours when we visit (7 hrs away). Both love our girls tremendously and call and send notes to our 4 yr old regularly.

[Anonymous]

Help. Any kind of actual help at any age. Genuine interest in the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've always thought the role of grandparents is entirely up to them and their personality.

My parents spoil our kids and let them get away with murder. It makes them happy it makes our kids happy. Our kids don't get junk at home and can't make a fort and stay up all night for example - they get to at their grandparents. My parents are heavily involved. My DHs parents are different. His mom is very caring but motherly and will correct them (totally okay with me) his dad is standoffish and not very nurturing, just as he was with DH and his siblings.

I never tried to force anything with any of the grandparents or shape it into an idea I had in my head. I find when you do that your expectations are rarely ever met - this can be applied to so many areas of life. This way our children get authentic relationships with each grandparent.

So wise, and so hard to do.

I hear the posse coming . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does the ideal grandparent look like to you? Do you and and your kids grandpa nets agree on the role of a grandparent?

Doesn't the role of the grandparent depend on

1. the grandparent
2. the parent
3. the child?

In other words, there is no one role.

[Anonymous]

There's no formal arrangement. We talk to them a few times a month (for DH, it's a few times a week bc he's close with his parents), we see them about every other month (they live across the country).

[Anonymous]

Be thankful your children have them and embrace them. DD has none and it makes her so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does the ideal grandparent look like to you? Do you and and your kids grandpa nets agree on the role of a grandparent?

Doesn't the role of the grandparent depend on

1. the grandparent
2. the parent
3. the child?

In other words, there is no one role.

+1

there is no one role -- even within a family.

[Anonymous]

To do whatever they would like to do with the kid. My mom see's her role as a spoiler. She buys and buys and buys. She comes to visit DD about every 3 months. She loves DD a ton but if she lived here I doubt she'd be very hands on. Her patience for children ended slightly before I left for college. I understand and I'm fine with that.

My MIL is more a spoiler in the her grandchild is perfect, super smart, beautiful, sweet etc etc sense. She sees no faults. She watches DD a lot for us and loves doing it. I understand and I'm fine with that.

They both see themselves as perfect grandmas and so do I. I appreciate the different but crucial role they both play in DD's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your children have them and embrace them. DD has none and it makes her so sad.

My child is too young to understand what he is missing, but it completely wrecks me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your children have them and embrace them. DD has none and it makes her so sad.

My child is too young to understand what he is missing, but it completely wrecks me.

Both my parents are gone. Dh's mom is pretty nutty. DH takes them to see her once or twice a year. His dad is not much better, and lives much farther away, so he's once a year, if that. It makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

They both see themselves as perfect grandmas and so do I. I appreciate the different but crucial role they both play in DD's life.

That sounds lovely, PP. You're all lucky to have each other.