What's the role of grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just being themselves? I have low expectations of grandparents as grandparents since we didn't live close to mine. My parents are super busy but love to see DD as often as possible, whether we go to them or they come to us. It's a mix of both. Dh's parents live a bit closer and offer help a lot. We should take them up on it more, it just takes some planning. I respect that all 4 of them have busy lives and already did their childcare duties. I have zero expectations that they'd help us as anything other than a gift/favor.

I wonder if you would feel this way if both sets of grandparents weren't already so eager to help?

[Anonymous]

to give money and be invisible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest role should be not forgetting the kid has parents.

My MIL has to be reminded of that regularly.

Perhaps she doesn't think you are a good parent. Are you?

[Anonymous]

It's whatever the hell they want to be. They're grown. What a crazy question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's whatever the hell they want to be. They're grown. What a crazy question.

As long as they don't forget that their children--the PARENTS of their grandchildren--are also grown.

[Anonymous]

All this advice is so practical. I think their role is more to help the kid see his place in time. They hear stories about long ago, talk about what has changed, maybe their personalities sort of skipped a generation and a kid has more in common with a grandparent than a parent (happened to me). My grandmother talked to her grandmother about life in the Civil War, and then she told me the stories 90 years later. So I'm 40 but I'm 2 degrees of separation from something that seems impossibly long ago. My grandparents were hugely important to me even though they lived far away and didn't babysit much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-Advice to parents *only when asked,* and no transparent, passive-aggressive hints

-general admirer/playmate/positive presence; no disciplining if the parent is right there and us already on top of it!

-let the parents know what the rules are in your house, but let them enforce them. Step in only if needed. Do not dream of making up rules for their house.

-offer to help, but if the offer is declined, just relax

-if asked for help, do what is being asked, not what YOU think would be helpful!

-invite to your house as often as you wish; don't invite yourself to their house/announce you are coming!

I like this list for my mother, because I can't stand her.

But I love my MIL, so I wouldn't mind if she did any of these things.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was to want to be around the kids and spend time with them, like mine were with me and my siblings. But that does not seem to be the case.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother said her role was to love the child and I really loved that approach. She and I are still very close and the relationship is just pure love and joy to spend time together.

My parents definitely love the grandkids but they also try to helpful to us as parents of young children and that's really appreciated. But even if they weren't helpful, I'd still make an effort for them to see the kids as long as they were showering love upon the kids.

[Anonymous]

I think the grandparent's role is more important when they live close to you. If they live far away, I am more inclined to be accepting of "spoiling" etc. If grandparents lives nearby and visit often (weekly) they need to make an effort to go along with the rules set by the parents. Passive aggressive behavior, like pretending to not know when bedtime is for example, is unacceptable.