Younger sister makes horrible financial choices
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Anonymous
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Our parents try almost daily to have me give her "talks" honestly I could talk until I lost my voice. She will never listen. She has no concern for others, Credit cards are all maxed out, checking account is almost empty. Lives with our parents and doesn't pay a cent. Dates men who have her pay for things for them.
I've told them, she'll do what she wants to do until someone kicks her out. Yes, she's in college but they are paying for half. They want me to force her to become another me. I always earned my things, she was always given them. "She doesn't understand things like you and so you had to earn it" Ok Fine, It made me who I am. And that's never going to happen if she continues.We are both very different people. At her age I was working three jobs and attending school part time. I needed those jobs because I paid for all my college, books, a room, food, public transport(No car!). And here's my sister who bought a 30k car and will not have enough money next month to pay it. This is after she destroyed her first car that my parents bought for her. Even though my parents cover insurance she can't save enough to pay the car. We are just different people with different ways of living. All I can do is give her advice, I can't force it. Anyways this is more of a vent. I told them to let her dig this hole and learn from it. They handed her everything she needed to avoid her having meltdowns and now they see what its created. I think its just time to cut strings and force her out. |
Anonymous
| Maybe if the car gets repo'd she'll have a wake up call. Sounds like she'll need to hit a very hard bottom to understand consequences. |
Anonymous
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Yep. It's her job to pay for that car. If she didn't make the payments and it gets repo'd she'll have to rely on public transportation to get herself around.
How is she doing in school? |
Anonymous
OP here: Honestly I'm not sure about school. When anyone does ask she changes the topic. |
Anonymous
| This is not your problem. Your parents are enabling her and they are the only ones who have a lever in this situation. |
Anonymous
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She has to make her own mistakes. She will not listen to you and she won't listen to your parents. She has to experience the consequences of her actions for her to decide to change. Period.
OP, I suggest that you let this thread fill up with the same advice I just gave, which will almost certainly be universal, and show it to your parents. It may help them to hear this from us outsiders. |
Anonymous
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Similar situation here. I'm super responsible and solvent; my sister and half sister are the opposite.
My full sister is almost 50 and is finally doing a bit better managing her life. FIFTY. My dad has had to bail her out all these years. My half sister is in her mid/late 20s and sounds a lot like OPs sister. My parents are terrified she'll turn out like my 50 YO sis - but they still bail out younger sis. People like my sisters will never stop until others stop enabling them. |
Anonymous
| No it won't. I have the same sister only 20 years older. She won't change and neither will my parents. My parents have given her everything and never allowed her to fail. They have always rescued her. Get used to it. This doesn't change. |
Anonymous
| OP here- I'm going over there in a few days and will show them this. Its basically what I've been saying and hopefully SEEING this will help them see whats going on. |
Anonymous
| If she is attractive she can find a rich husband |
Anonymous
| Sure you can show your parents all this, but please don't show your sister. Don't you think she's sick of hearing how perfect her older sister is, and how she will never measure up? She may learn these good lessons through natural consequences if the parents start withdrawing all the help, but she will definitely dig in her heels and rebel if it becomes "why can't you be more like your sister." It's only human to feel insulted by that especially if the sister always seems to have everything together and you don't. It's a classic older sibling/younger sibling dynamic. |
Anonymous
| This is not your job. You're not the parent and you didn't create the problem. I have four kids. I pay for college as long as they maintain B's or higher. I pay for HALF a used car but they have to have cash for their half. |
Anonymous
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Your parents are basically saying "we would like you to be the bad guy because we don't want her to be mad at us".
Their actions (letting her live rent free, paying half of college that no one has any idea if she's actually going and passing classes) say the same thing: they don't want to make her mad. Until the car gets repossessed and they stop paying for things it won't end. And this means tolerating her being upset. There is no reason you should be involved. And I hope you are not giving them or her any money |
Anonymous
If only! The red flag I see in OP's post is that sister is going out with men who have her pay for things for them. Sounds like a real deficit in self respect. OP, sounds like your sister needs some good mental health treatment. This would be a better use of your parent's money. Could they make therapy a condition of continuing to live with them? |
Anonymous
That's a pretty good idea. Sounds like your parents need someone to get them see that the short term benefits of having your sister happy are going to cripple all of them long term. Maybe an outsider providing an objective voice and concrete solutions with some baby steps would help |