Awkward birthday party situation

[Anonymous]

My DD, 7, appears to have not been invited to a birthday party by one of her good friends. This is not a class with a lot of mean girl dynamics, and I consider the mom a friend. The birthday girl has been over to our house several times to play and she and DD get along really well. And they've gone to each other's last two years' parties.

Anyway, DD casually mentioned where this friend's party was this year. I hadn't received an invitation so I assumed they hadn't been sent yet. And then today, at pickup, I heard one of DD's classmates saying, "see you at your party on Sunday!" to the other girl.

It was so surprising to me that I came home and checked through my old emails to make sure I hadn't missed an evite. Nothing.

So: Do I assume she really wasn't invited? It makes me feel sort of rotten, and I swear, I am not one of those people who gets so wrapped up in their kids' social lives. I guess that's the only answer. I just think it's weird. But, of course, asking the mom about it is 1000x weirder, right?

[Anonymous]

yes

[Anonymous]

It is weird. And it's really easy for evites to go missing. But I don't know what you can do about it -- it is awkward to ask.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's having a small party and can only have a few kids. Around this age, kids start to become more selective about who they invite. I really would not let this bother you. It's not worth it, and it doesn't mean the girl doesn't like your DD or the mom doesn't like you.

[Anonymous]

Land your helicopter gently and walk away. It's your kid's life, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Yes, she probably was not invited. Sometimes the party needs to be limited to a few due to space, cost, etc so don't take it personally.

Send the mom an email next week about a play date soon - but don't mention the party.

[Anonymous]

Do NOT ask. My DD is 12, but she always just writes out a list of everyone she wants to invite. A couple of years I've had to tell her she's over the limit the place allows and she has to cut X number of people. It's brutal and we both feel badly, but we have a tiny one-bedroom apartment and have to have her parties at places, and those places have limits.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. I know, you are right. Accepting it actually makes me feel peaceful. I mean really, what can you do?

[Anonymous]

Also, if she had sent you an evite and you hadn't responded, she Would've reached out to you by now.

[Anonymous]

There are bday party places that send out online invitations with a small subject heading that only says "party". It goes into one of my sub-folders instead of my inbox. I have missed 2 such invitations (that I know of) and just didn't even know about the parties until way later. Did you try doing an email search with the birthday girl's name?

[Anonymous]

Well, I did once leave out a close friend because I wrote their email address incorrectly in evite (that Verizon.net gets me every time). I now know to look to see that everyone has at least "viewed" the invitation to confirm the addresses are wrong. But 5 years ago. . . I screwed that up. The friends didn't ask and I figured it out later and apologized but water under the bridge. Kids and parents still friends.

I think you have to let this one go. . . just consider it a gift to of more "free time" to do something as a family and move on.

[Anonymous]

If this is a close friend, I would email about getting together soon and see what comes back. If she doesn't mention the party then I would roll with it and not worry- but it's also likely there is an email typo and your dd is missing the invite accidentally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD, 7, appears to have not been invited to a birthday party by one of her good friends. This is not a class with a lot of mean girl dynamics, and I consider the mom a friend. The birthday girl has been over to our house several times to play and she and DD get along really well. And they've gone to each other's last two years' parties.

Anyway, DD casually mentioned where this friend's party was this year. I hadn't received an invitation so I assumed they hadn't been sent yet. And then today, at pickup, I heard one of DD's classmates saying, "see you at your party on Sunday!" to the other girl.

It was so surprising to me that I came home and checked through my old emails to make sure I hadn't missed an evite. Nothing.

So: Do I assume she really wasn't invited? It makes me feel sort of rotten, and I swear, I am not one of those people who gets so wrapped up in their kids' social lives. I guess that's the only answer. I just think it's weird. But, of course, asking the mom about it is 1000x weirder, right?

She wasn't invited. Mom has your email and your phone number - she would have reached out if she was expecting you to RSVP.

[Anonymous]

We did miss a party for my oldest son around that age from his best friend for no apparent reason. The friend mentioned the party and so I had checked everywhere, every spam folder etc. Nothing. The boys went to different schools so I figured maybe it was just a party for school friends. Then the night of the party the parents emailed frantically wondering where we were. I think they're still convinced we screwed up; I suspect somehow they forgot but nobody cares a bit.

Moral of the story: don't presume your daughter was deliberately excluded. But yeah, there's nothing you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

We didn't get an invitation from one of dd's friends either. All of our neighbor friends were going and in our group typically everyone is invited, but when I heard about it and checked there was no evite in spam or anything.

It turned out that they had invited us but didn't want to be pushy and hadn't checked back with us until right before the party, but had been wondering why we hadn't rsvp'ed yet.

Evite is glitchy. I like what another poster suggested about getting in touch to make a play date - something you'd want to do anyway, and it might nudge her if any nudge is warranted. And if not, then you haven't put anyone on the spot by actually mentioning the party.