Making friends at a new school - parent version
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Anonymous
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My child got into a new school off a wait list in the second week of school. We like the school a lot and the teachers are very nice. So are the kids. I just haven't connected with any parents or caregivers yet. A lot are there standing around at pick up time, so there's actually more opportunities for connecting than at our old school where almost everyone did aftercare or picked up in a hurry, but they seem to only talk to people they know and they even hang out for a while.
Parents/grandparents, if you're in this situation and you have a minute, would you be willing to invite someone new into your conversation? My attempts so far at small talk have flopped. it's hard for me to make evening meetings because of my younger child, when it looks like the pta stuff is scheduled, but I'd love to chat at pick up time. Be my friend? |
Anonymous
| Start paying attention to which children your child ends up friends with and then make friends with those parents. What are you looking for? Become active in PTA and volunteer for stuff |
Anonymous
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By and large the caregivers will hang with other caregivers. And yes people tend to spend time with people they already k know.
As PP said follow your kid's lead. And look for a singleton parent and approach them. But honestly school is where your DC should be looking for friends - not you. |
Anonymous
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We've changed schools a couple of times, and my outgoing daughter has fared much better than I have in terms of social contact. I imagine at pick up tine, parents are engrossed in conversation revolving around kids' learning and/or social issues/teachers/school politics/middle school options. Unless parents trust you and/or know that you are dealing with the same problem, they are too fixated on discussing their own issues to open up to others. Or at least that's what I imagine; I'm at the age where I don't much care!
Anyway, to be more constructive -- if you do want to make friends, volunteer if you have time. It's cliche advice, but DD has started a new school this year, and I feel so much more involved now that I can volunteer. Also -- do parents at your new school tend to hang around a playing field and/or playground? If so, just hang out, smile/introduce yourself. I did that for two years at my child's old school, while my child played and made friends. I have to say I had some conversations, spent some time alone, learned to enjoy the peace and quiet before homework wars.  And soccer, if your chid is interested: those parents seem to be tight.
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Anonymous
| What ever you do, don't try to hard...the occasional and consistent hello with eye-contact is always good. Develop rapport with the teacher...many times teachers will become the parent-matchmaker when similar interests arises. Let the friendship develop over time as we all know familiarity brings comfort. Also be mindful on what you'll chit-chat about the most common conversation starter is something school related ONLY. Anything else comes across a gossipy and for Christ-sake don't come across as TMZ reporter. |
Anonymous
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It's hard to reach out to new parents I think - I never know what grade their child is in or even if the person is actually new or I just haven't seen them before. It's easier when I have some context for them. So here's what worked when we switched schools:
1. I was pretty organized about contacting the parents of the kids my son and daughter liked and asking to set up playdates. In some instances I would ask my friend who had a daughter at the school to help me, so that the stranger mom knew that I was on the up & up. 2. Halloween was a great time to meet other parents because my daughter trick or treated in a group with the other kids from school, and it was easy to sedge from that to "my daughter really likes your daughter - can we do a playdate?" 3. I volunteered for specific PTO events, like the tree sale and auction, where I was sure to work in a team and therefore get to know the other parents. That helped because then I had parents I could wave to and talk to at pickup and dropoff. And, when it turned out one of the parents had a son or daughter my child's age, it was a good transition to setting up a playdate. We're going on our 3rd year at the new school, and every year things have improved. I now feel like my kids have a great group of friends and so do I. But, I'm not going to change schools again. I think the older my kids are, the harder it would be for me to make new mom friends. |
Anonymous
I'm hoping you didn't mean to say that the primary reason you wouldn't change schools is because it would be harder for you to make mom friends... |
Anonymous
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PP, well, kind of. School choice makes people in DC crazy, and I know parents who have switched schools like 4 times already, because the grass always looks greener. My kids have friends in many different schools, some of which are deemed better (by popular opinion and DCUM) than the school they currently attend. So, if they got into one of those other schools via the lottery, they would have pre-existing friends at that school and therefore would likely transition fairly easily. I, on the other hand, would have to build an entirely new group of friends and learn an entirely new PTO or HSA structure. So yeah, I do think the switch would be harder on me than my kids. And, since they love the school they are in and are doing very well there, I am going to stop chasing the golden ring.
We all win. |
Anonymous
| It takes time, OP. Relationships with other parents will develop organically over the next few months. Be friendly. Say hello. Make small talk. Eventually, you'll hit on something that you and another parent has in common and it will take off from there. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| I can sympathize! We switched from one HRCS where we were for two years to another HRCS that is immersion. Both DC and I miss the friends we left behind- but have been having playdates with both new friends- and old. But the day to day, after two years with a cohort, is tough to replicate ... especially at the early ages when everyone is still feeling their way into the whole school environment vs. daycare. (Which is where, of course, we left a whole different cohort of friends!) |
Anonymous
| This is a pathetic conversation. |
Anonymous
| I'm impressed anyone makes that close of friends with other parents at school. I nod politely and say good morning and have pleasant conversations at birthday parties and play dates, but never expected anything beyond that. |
Anonymous
Glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. |
Anonymous
| Then feel free to ignore it. |
Anonymous
+100 |