Trailing spouse in the Foreign Service when you already have an internationally focused career?

[Anonymous]

We're trying to find resources on the experience of being a trailing spouse, when one spouse is an FSO and the other works in international development but just not as an FSO. Most of the experiences we're able to find talk about spouses who gave up their career fields to become a trailing spouse, and while that's certainly helpful to read to prepare us for the reality that the trailing spouse will likely end up unemployed at least a few postings, I feel like it's not as helpful for us as hearing from a couple where one is an FSO and the other has historically worked for the UN, the World Bank, or a big int'l NGO like Save the Children, ie - the trailing spouse's career naturally would be slanted towards being overseas anyway.

Do any DCUM folks have a profile more like ours that could share your perspective with us? Do you feel like the distinction I'm drawing even makes a difference? What's worked well for you? What have been your biggest challenges?

[Anonymous]

This is our profile. My husband does international banking (wb, iadb) and i do child protection. In our last posting i was not allowed to work under the visani had so i netwoled like crazy anf got an offer with somebody who was willing to wait for my papers to be processed. It was great but highly unusual. I did work with a juge international ngo and if we had moved to another country i would have stayed with them. I was not going to be an expat Wife! You have to figure out what skills are the most in demand and build them as well as language skills. Try to be an expert in something and not a generalist as most countries have local talent to fill the generalist spots!

[Anonymous]

Not FSO, but my DH is federal gov. I've so far refused all posts. I'm just not sure I'm cut out to be a trailing spouse. Overseas postings have no support for spouses and even worse, no help with getting a job once you return. Best advice I got was to try to get a job at the embassy or on base. Spouse of one of DH's coworkers got a GS5 position as a trailing spouse even though they had a masters in engineering and made 5x that here.

[Anonymous]

Former FSO here. One thing you need to keep in mind, which one of the PPs alluded indirectly to, is that your spouse is not guaranteed a work visa or permission to work in all countries. A number of developing countries have severely cracked down on hiring of expatriates for jobs that could be done by local staff.

What that means is the trailing spouse must have the ability to gain work on his/her own with an organization that has the ability to sponsor a work visa in that specific country. Bottom line? Unless you're very lucky, trailing spouse will have at least a few posts where he or she cannot find work except at the Embassy. As other PP noted, the jobs available are usually for nonprofessional spouses.

If you are USAID FS, there are also potential conflicts of interest for your spouse, which will require them to cross off some employers off their list.

The only way you are guaranteed that both spouses will have professional level employment at every post is to be a tandem couple, i.e. both in the foreign service. Even then, one spouse may be underemployed or not exactly in their line of work at a given post.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a trailing spouse but some of my colleagues have experienced what PP mentions - they met their partners doing a specific type of work, like water sanitation, and then one ended up in as a USAID FSO and the other was barred from working in that field because their partner controlled the grants/cooperative agreements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former FSO here. One thing you need to keep in mind, which one of the PPs alluded indirectly to, is that your spouse is not guaranteed a work visa or permission to work in all countries. A number of developing countries have severely cracked down on hiring of expatriates for jobs that could be done by local staff.

What that means is the trailing spouse must have the ability to gain work on his/her own with an organization that has the ability to sponsor a work visa in that specific country. Bottom line? Unless you're very lucky, trailing spouse will have at least a few posts where he or she cannot find work except at the Embassy. As other PP noted, the jobs available are usually for nonprofessional spouses.

If you are USAID FS, there are also potential conflicts of interest for your spouse, which will require them to cross off some employers off their list.

The only way you are guaranteed that both spouses will have professional level employment at every post is to be a tandem couple, i.e. both in the foreign service. Even then, one spouse may be underemployed or not exactly in their line of work at a given post.

I wish the US held back work visas more for H1B visa spouses. Many H1B spouses are not specialized but get work visas anyway.

[Anonymous]

We are overseas (spouse is an FSO) and I currently have a UN job (lawyer) that is very fulfilling but it took me more than a year to land it and, as the PP mentioned, it would not be the same at every post. In many posts, spouses can't get work authorization and/or the jobs aren't available. I have another good friend who has an advanced degree in international development (and it's her second advanced degree) and she and her husband started out with the game plan you mention, but she has not been able to find a job at their current post (a developing country) and they are well into year 2. I think it's much more difficult than most people anticipate. And as the trailing spouse, I have to start over when we move and always on the FSO's timeline (which is controlled of course by the government).

As an aside, there are generally some work opportunities for spouses at the embassy, but unfortunately, as others have mentioned, they are mostly clerical jobs. There is a separate special State Department program to hire spouses for lower-level professional jobs at post, but they are very competitive (there are so many trailing spouses with professional capabilities that would love to work). (In my case, all of the spouse professional jobs were at significantly lower GS/FS levels than what I had been in the federal government prior to moving overseas, so that's something to keep in mind too.) The other downside to these professional posts for spouses is that they end when the FSO's tour does and there is no promotion potential AT ALL. From what I've heard, the quality of those jobs (and how much responsibility you are given) also vary significantly based on who you are working with and some view the jobs are just filling in for a position where there is a temporary need and the post could not fill it with a regular FSO. It's not really a long-term career plan, though kudos to the State Department for trying to help out us trailing spouses with professional capabilities.

I'm not going to lie -- being a professional trailing spouse is HARD (those months and months of not having a job were much more difficult than I anticipated), and again you can't count on finding a job at each post. I have other trailing spouse friends who had to leave professional careers and would like to work, and it's not easy. I wish the State Department could do more.

If you go down this road, you and your spouse should be aware and accept that the trailing spouse may not always have a job and you should have a game plan for things to do/projects/etc. for those posts where working is not an option. And again, it's hard to be prepared for the hit to one's "identity" when all of a sudden you have no professional identity and when you are viewed by others who don't really know you as simply the "trailing spouse."

A different option would be to try to be a tandem couple as mentioned above so that you both have FSO careers, though that path is also not without difficulty.

Finally, I should say that I've loved our time overseas though it has not been without challenges (especially related to the work aspect), but just know what you and your spouse are getting into.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you for the responses and being realistic. It's one thing to know what the likely challenges will be - it's another to live them, and we're just trying to gather as much perspective as we can before making the plunge.

3:20 - Do you see any potential, now that you are within a UN office, to network and arrange a job with another UN office at the next post? We're hoping that internally networking once you're in might make it easier, although of course we expect that there will be some posts where it just doesn't work out.

[Anonymous]

It is so hard to be the trailing spouse. Good luck

[Anonymous]

I have background in international development, am a trailing spouse, and it's been really, really hard professionally (and otherwise). Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is our profile. My husband does international banking (wb, iadb) and i do child protection. In our last posting i was not allowed to work under the visani had so i netwoled like crazy anf got an offer with somebody who was willing to wait for my papers to be processed. It was great but highly unusual. I did work with a juge international ngo and if we had moved to another country i would have stayed with them. I was not going to be an expat Wife! You have to figure out what skills are the most in demand and build them as well as language skills. Try to be an expert in something and not a generalist as most countries have local talent to fill the generalist spots!

Judge much? What a nasty attitude. Not every trailing spouse is able to keep their career going and having to deal with people like this just adds to the stress of being one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have background in international development, am a trailing spouse, and it's been really, really hard professionally (and otherwise). Good luck.

Can you say more? Since you're still in it, what's made it worth it for your family to stay in the FS even though it's so hard? If you've been considering leaving, what are your biggest grievances?

[Anonymous]

This has been our circle for nearly 20 yrs. (feds who travel every 2 yrs for State/FBI/CIA/military). I cannot think of a single spouse who has worked overseas, except at the embassy in the aforementioned clerical job. Traveling domestically, I know one wife who is a paralegal and can sometimes work remotely, but even that's been hit or miss.

It is brutal for the spouse's career. In fact, not to be Debbie Downer, but I know more couples who have divorced than ones where the wife is having an "equal" career. In general, the wives have jobs like teaching or nursing, that they re-enter while in the DC area. Some (like me) are housewives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has been our circle for nearly 20 yrs. (feds who travel every 2 yrs for State/FBI/CIA/military). I cannot think of a single spouse who has worked overseas, except at the embassy in the aforementioned clerical job. Traveling domestically, I know one wife who is a paralegal and can sometimes work remotely, but even that's been hit or miss.

It is brutal for the spouse's career. In fact, not to be Debbie Downer, but I know more couples who have divorced than ones where the wife is having an "equal" career. In general, the wives have jobs like teaching or nursing, that they re-enter while in the DC area. Some (like me) are housewives.

It's brutal on a marriage

[Anonymous]

I have academic credentials (prof at uni) in addition to development work experience. I'm not in your position, but am wondering if teaching an online class is a possibility (with time change and all that) or if working with local NGOs would help maintain your standing in terms of your resume, making the eventual job search upon return a bit easier?