Jewish but hate sitting in synagogue
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Anonymous
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Looking for like minded people. I am Jewish. Raised somewhat reform. My husband and I belong to a synagogue - Conservative one because he was raised conservative. Not Bat Mitzvahed and for a time was the only Jewish girl in school. I embrace the community aspects of my religion. Volunteer, give $ to the community, help at the JCC and Hebrew Home and other non Jewish organizations. But, geez, I hate sitting in these long services for hours on end. I get nothing out of it. I don't enjoy trying to follow page after page of Hebrew that I do not understand and never have. I often feel that I am the only one standing there who does not know the order of the service or the prayers.
Can't I just have my own brand of Judaism? A Judaism where I contribute to worthy causes, our community, and volunteer for the less fortunate. I am so over sitting in synagogue. Am I the only person who feels this way? 
Happy New Year! |
Anonymous
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Hah!
So no one at your shul wanders into the lobby and shmoozes on RH or YK, going into the sanctuary only for the sermon and the shofar blowing? 
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Anonymous
| LOTS of people (I'm Jewish too, but presumably this is in any religion) like the community but feel disconnected from the ritual. Jewish women in this position tend to either commit to learning Hebrew and maybe even do an adult bat mitzvah class OR they skip services and participate in the volunteer opportunities like prepping food, being a greeter or usher, babysitting, etc. |
Anonymous
| See if you can find a reform synagogue that suits you. I really appreciate when the majority of the service is in English too. |
Anonymous
| I had no idea that it was read in Hebrew! |
Anonymous
 Giggles. I hear you.
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Anonymous
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It sounds like a Conservative synagogue isn't the place for you. You might be more "into" the service aspect with a sect that matches your beliefs--and is in English! Reform, Reconstructionist, or even Secular Humanist, maybe? You'll only know the order of the service from semi-regular attendance, and if you find a congregation you like with clergy you like, that'll make all the difference. (I went to a secular humanist service for the first time this week, and was shocked at how at-home I felt, for example.)
Besides that, you're definitely not the only Jew who likes the cultural and community aspects of Judaism more than the actual religious parts! But it's easier to find a schedule of good deeds (etc) to do when you belong to a religious or secular community with whom you connect on several levels. |
Anonymous
Yes, I am the OP. I feel completely disconnected from what is going on in the synagogue. Just was never part of my upbringing. Your suggestions are good ones. Just don't ask me to stand for hours, up and down, trying to follow prayers I am not familiar with. I get so much more out of community participation than I do, services. |
Anonymous
| You're not alone. I feel this way too. My husband feels it even stronger. Do you have kids? You may enjoy "how to raise a Jewish child," it helps you think through what Jewish identity means to you. Services are a teensy part. |
Anonymous
me again. Want to say that I went to a Jewish day school, I know Hebrew, I can follow services, and it still bores me, because I don't believe in God but because I know Hebrew I know exactly how much I don't believe what I am saying... |
Anonymous
Parts of it are, in most denominations. Orthodox services are almost all Hebrew. In the Reform congregation in which I grew up, most of the service was English, but many very important prayers were in Hebrew. |
Anonymous
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I was raised conservative and bat mitzvah'd. I recognize the prayer before the opening of the ark, and many of the Friday night Shabbat songs, but that's mostly it. A good rabbi has a good story in their sermon in my opinion.
I don't know what I'm singing in hebrew; I just like the rhythm of the songs I've known since childhood. Maybe just look for a shorter service. I think an hour is plenty, and nothing more than an hour and a half. 90 minutes would be my personal limit. In ten years I've been to temple exactly once though, so whatever. I don't think going to temple is what makes you Jewish, you know? BTW, my dad's twin sister went to a reform temple. My cousins are no less Jewish than I am. This is Judaism - we have guilt over calling our mothers. NOT over how Jewy we are. |
Anonymous
15:35 here. One of the women who spoke at the secular humanist congregation I went to last week said exactly this same thing!! She felt like a complete hypocrite praying to a god she didn't believe in. She found a "home" with the secular humanists. I'm just about there myself, but it's hard (for me) to let go of the Reform prayers etc I was brought up with. My DH is an atheist who supports Jewish culture (we call him Jew-"ish") and I know he'd like the secular community better. Sorry to hijack; it's something that's been heavy on my mind recently!! |
Anonymous
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It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when I finally told my parents (as an adult), "I hate this and I'm not going anymore." DH felt the same way about Catholic mass.
I understand there are some alternative synagogues that have modernized the whole process. One is Reconstructionist Judaism and there's another one whose name I can't remember. I know there's one in Howard County. |
Anonymous
| Ditto the suggestion to check out Reform congregations. In my experience, reform services are shorter, have more community engagement/participation, and have more music/singing in addition to more English. It took a little for me to get used to coming from a more traditional Conservative synagogue, but I really love it now. |