Jewish but hate sitting in synagogue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when I finally told my parents (as an adult), "I hate this and I'm not going anymore." DH felt the same way about Catholic mass.

I understand there are some alternative synagogues that have modernized the whole process. One is Reconstructionist Judaism and there's another one whose name I can't remember. I know there's one in Howard County.

If you're looking for a Reconstructionist Jewish Congregation, check out Columbia Jewish Congregation (CJC). I taught Hebrew & religious school for them for 5 years, and it's a really lovely community. Cantor Morrison (who generally goes by Cantor Jan) is a truly lovely person; she officiated at my wedding many years later and we stay in touch. I'm the same poster who "ditto'd" the rec to check out a reform congregation, for what it's worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised conservative and bat mitzvah'd. I recognize the prayer before the opening of the ark, and many of the Friday night Shabbat songs, but that's mostly it. A good rabbi has a good story in their sermon in my opinion.

I don't know what I'm singing in hebrew; I just like the rhythm of the songs I've known since childhood. Maybe just look for a shorter service. I think an hour is plenty, and nothing more than an hour and a half. 90 minutes would be my personal limit.

In ten years I've been to temple exactly once though, so whatever. I don't think going to temple is what makes you Jewish, you know?

BTW, my dad's twin sister went to a reform temple. My cousins are no less Jewish than I am. This is Judaism - we have guilt over calling our mothers. NOT over how Jewy we are.

Cute. LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised conservative and bat mitzvah'd. I recognize the prayer before the opening of the ark, and many of the Friday night Shabbat songs, but that's mostly it. A good rabbi has a good story in their sermon in my opinion.

I don't know what I'm singing in hebrew; I just like the rhythm of the songs I've known since childhood. Maybe just look for a shorter service. I think an hour is plenty, and nothing more than an hour and a half. 90 minutes would be my personal limit.

In ten years I've been to temple exactly once though, so whatever. I don't think going to temple is what makes you Jewish, you know?

BTW, my dad's twin sister went to a reform temple. My cousins are no less Jewish than I am. This is Judaism - we have guilt over calling our mothers. NOT over how Jewy we are.

Cute. LOL!

+1,000!!

[Anonymous]

Try a Reform shul. My mom was raised like you -- no Bat Mitzvah, no religious education -- and she hates going to shul and refused to go for years. And beyond that she doesn't do any of the other activities you mentioned. Yet, she feels Jewish. She went to a Reform shul for the first time this Rosh Hashanah and admitted she enjoyed it. (My dad, who is strongly Conservative, hated it -- perhaps an endorsement of how different it is!) I love the Conservative service but it definitely isn't for everyone, and if you want to stay connected, you've a better chance of doing that if you actually enjoy what you're doing!

[Anonymous]

Do all you folks go to Conservative shuls that do not use the new mahzor? In addition to good translations (which they have always had, so I do not know why y'all do not know what you are singing) it has lots of good explanations, historical notes, as well as philosophy and poetry in English.

Also, if you are serious about any kind of Jewish culture, including secular it is good to learn some Hebrew. Much of the Hebrew of the prayer book really is not that hard. Loads of words are used again and again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do all you folks go to Conservative shuls that do not use the new mahzor? In addition to good translations (which they have always had, so I do not know why y'all do not know what you are singing) it has lots of good explanations, historical notes, as well as philosophy and poetry in English.

Also, if you are serious about any kind of Jewish culture, including secular it is good to learn some Hebrew. Much of the Hebrew of the prayer book really is not that hard. Loads of words are used again and again.

ugh. whatever, SanctiJew. Not everyone wants to learn a foreign language with a different alphabet just to read prayers they don't care about. And I know Hebrew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all you folks go to Conservative shuls that do not use the new mahzor? In addition to good translations (which they have always had, so I do not know why y'all do not know what you are singing) it has lots of good explanations, historical notes, as well as philosophy and poetry in English.

Also, if you are serious about any kind of Jewish culture, including secular it is good to learn some Hebrew. Much of the Hebrew of the prayer book really is not that hard. Loads of words are used again and again.

ugh. whatever, SanctiJew. Not everyone wants to learn a foreign language with a different alphabet just to read prayers they don't care about. And I know Hebrew.

I guess I was thinking of folks who are interested, but intimated by the language - the folks looking for a Reform or Reconstructionist shul.

And of course if you are secular, Hebrew will help you connect with your secular Jewish heritage - the secular hebrew poetry and literature of the last hundred years, heck even the name of political parties and phenomena in Israel.

I am not hostile to davening, but I am also old enough to remember when being a secular Jew did not mean being a Jew lite, but being fully committed to Jewish culture - which means at least passing familiarity with at least one historic jewish language IMO, Maybe the folk
s above do not want Hebrew because they are Yiddishists - of course in that case they would not need to learn a new alphabet to read the Mahzor.

More likely the are Yiddin on loshen - Jews without tongues as the saying goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised conservative and bat mitzvah'd. I recognize the prayer before the opening of the ark, and many of the Friday night Shabbat songs, but that's mostly it. A good rabbi has a good story in their sermon in my opinion.

I don't know what I'm singing in hebrew; I just like the rhythm of the songs I've known since childhood. Maybe just look for a shorter service. I think an hour is plenty, and nothing more than an hour and a half. 90 minutes would be my personal limit.

In ten years I've been to temple exactly once though, so whatever. I don't think going to temple is what makes you Jewish, you know?

BTW, my dad's twin sister went to a reform temple. My cousins are no less Jewish than I am. This is Judaism - we have guilt over calling our mothers. NOT over how Jewy we are.

No being born to a Jewish mother (or a Jewish father per Reform and Recon) is what makes you Jewish, unless you are a Jew by choice. Going to synagogue is one of the things that makes you a practitioner of Judaism, though.

[Anonymous]

"Can't I just have my own brand of Judaism? A Judaism where I contribute to worthy causes, our community, and volunteer for the less fortunate."

You do realize that this is just called "being a good person" and you don't have to belong to a religion to participate in these acts of giving. You also can be a moral and good person without spending your weekends listening to someone drone on about ancient texts.

Take a month off, see how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all you folks go to Conservative shuls that do not use the new mahzor? In addition to good translations (which they have always had, so I do not know why y'all do not know what you are singing) it has lots of good explanations, historical notes, as well as philosophy and poetry in English.

Also, if you are serious about any kind of Jewish culture, including secular it is good to learn some Hebrew. Much of the Hebrew of the prayer book really is not that hard. Loads of words are used again and again.

ugh. whatever, SanctiJew. Not everyone wants to learn a foreign language with a different alphabet just to read prayers they don't care about. And I know Hebrew.

[Anonymous]

you can belong to a temple and not go to services often/at all. My congregation has lectures, community service projects, dinners, fundraisers, parenting groups, music groups, committees, outings, etc. You could definitely be involved and never show up at services.

[Anonymous]

Ha! I feel the same way this is why I go to the services designed for families and young kids - they are perfect for my 40 year old self I am dreading when my kids are too old for these services!! (We belong to Adas in DC)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do all you folks go to Conservative shuls that do not use the new mahzor? In addition to good translations (which they have always had, so I do not know why y'all do not know what you are singing) it has lots of good explanations, historical notes, as well as philosophy and poetry in English.

Also, if you are serious about any kind of Jewish culture, including secular it is good to learn some Hebrew. Much of the Hebrew of the prayer book really is not that hard. Loads of words are used again and again.

NP. I know that you mean well but when you throw in words like "mahzor" you are not helping. Why can't you just say prayer book so that everyone who reads this understands what you are talking about? The Op speaks for so many people who don't want to affiliate with a congregation be it Conservative or Reform and that is why congregations are losing members (and conservative synagogues are losing at a higher rate nationally). With rare exceptions, everything is the same as it was 30 years ago and we are not changing to reach younger people (or, for that matter, older people who want something different). I am in my mid-40's and I loved going to the conservative services I was raised with. But I need something different now. I am actually on the board of my Reform Temple (in another city -- I used to live in DC) and it is really hard to change -- some members want change and some want everything to stay the same. Op is not unique. Just telling her to read the translations is not enough and it is not going to get younger people in the door (or they will be there while their kids need Hebrew school and then they will leave -- that's not a true community). There needs to be real change or synagogues/Temples are going to eventually start to close b/c Jews will find community elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you can belong to a temple and not go to services often/at all. My congregation has lectures, community service projects, dinners, fundraisers, parenting groups, music groups, committees, outings, etc. You could definitely be involved and never show up at services.

+1

Try Beth Chai in Bethesda - a humanistic temple, with Jews of all backgrounds. They have services on Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, and shabbat events once a month, but mainly they are focused on the Sunday School, and community service, and adult ed gatherings. It is a welcoming community for those of us who want all the culture and want to raise our children as jews but don't believe in or see no point in sitting through hours of ancient rituals in a language we don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She found a "home" with the secular humanists.

The Washington Ethical Society meets Sundays and has many Jews who no longer practice their religion. Felix Adler, founder of Ethical Culture, was Jewish.