Brother's license taken away for drunk driving. Can our family write a letter to the judge?

[Anonymous]

Is this a thing? How would we even find out how/who to write?

He's been drinking for 20 yrs but kept it mostly hidden from us; once he was away at school, he came home for visits between semesters and work so we never knew. He's gotten busted for driving drunk for the third time now (thought it was the second) and had his licence taken away for 90 days because he wouldn't blow (he's a 43 yr old lawyer; knows how to game the system and not blow). He isn't married, no kids, just an enabling, sweet girlfriend who 'loves him so much she wants to help him and not lose him'. I'm sure he's been hell on her (not physical but he can be a jerk, circular reasoning, arguments about why he doesn't have a problem, etc).

I suggested to my remaining family (dad, uncle, sister and me) that we write an open letter to the judge/court system saying 'we need help/throw the book at him/mandate he does inpatient rehab/don't give his licence back/don't let him plea this down' and let the judge know that he has been charged 3 times over about 20 years in different states/countries/jurisdictions and doesn't want help, so can we just force it and see if it sticks? I don't even know if the judge has the power.

He was busted at work recently last month for smelling like alcohol and having rather circuitous speech and referred to have an MD/addictive medicine expert assessment and though he was worried, apparently not worried enough. He is unable/unwilling to help himself. Apparently the MD's finding was that he was not alcohol dependent and didn't need to do any rehab. This was based on his charming manipulations and how he chose to fill out the questionnaire. He's a chubbier Jude Law type and turns on the charm with the ladies.

This happened in the same jurisdiction as this case so I'm terrified this opportunity to help him is the only one we've got: http://globalnews.ca/news/1915239/woman-with-19-prior-drunk-driving-prohibitions-receives-no-jail-time-at-latest-sentencing/
No known mental illness/nothing wrong with his life/no trauma we know of- and we've asked intensively because no one else in the family can understand where this is coming from. We feel helpless in this and clueless. Not equipped at all, so I guess we kind of feel like handing him over so some 'authority' to mandate he get fixed.

Does/can this even work this way?

[Anonymous]

Maybe try and reach out to an al-anon group for advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a thing? How would we even find out how/who to write?

He's been drinking for 20 yrs but kept it mostly hidden from us; once he was away at school, he came home for visits between semesters and work so we never knew. He's gotten busted for driving drunk for the third time now (thought it was the second) and had his licence taken away for 90 days because he wouldn't blow (he's a 43 yr old lawyer; knows how to game the system and not blow). He isn't married, no kids, just an enabling, sweet girlfriend who 'loves him so much she wants to help him and not lose him'. I'm sure he's been hell on her (not physical but he can be a jerk, circular reasoning, arguments about why he doesn't have a problem, etc).

I suggested to my remaining family (dad, uncle, sister and me) that we write an open letter to the judge/court system saying 'we need help/throw the book at him/mandate he does inpatient rehab/don't give his licence back/don't let him plea this down' and let the judge know that he has been charged 3 times over about 20 years in different states/countries/jurisdictions and doesn't want help, so can we just force it and see if it sticks? I don't even know if the judge has the power.

He was busted at work recently last month for smelling like alcohol and having rather circuitous speech and referred to have an MD/addictive medicine expert assessment and though he was worried, apparently not worried enough. He is unable/unwilling to help himself. Apparently the MD's finding was that he was not alcohol dependent and didn't need to do any rehab. This was based on his charming manipulations and how he chose to fill out the questionnaire. He's a chubbier Jude Law type and turns on the charm with the ladies.

This happened in the same jurisdiction as this case so I'm terrified this opportunity to help him is the only one we've got: http://globalnews.ca/news/1915239/woman-with-19-prior-drunk-driving-prohibitions-receives-no-jail-time-at-latest-sentencing/
No known mental illness/nothing wrong with his life/no trauma we know of- and we've asked intensively because no one else in the family can understand where this is coming from. We feel helpless in this and clueless. Not equipped at all, so I guess we kind of feel like handing him over so some 'authority' to mandate he get fixed.

Does/can this even work this way?

I do not have any experience with this issue so I cannot really give you advice, but have you contacted AL-ANON? maybe they can help you understand if and how you can help your brother. it sounds like he is in serious trouble and even if he does not kill himself or others, he may loose his law license and job. good luck

[Anonymous]

al- Anon is definitely good for family memebers of alcoholics to learn how to cope with alcoholism in the family.

If he is a lawyer, Inwould be worried that he could lose his license as a result of sething that happens while he is drunk - then how will he earn a living? The American Bar Association and each state bar association have LAPs - Lawyer Assistance Programs geared to help lawyers with alcoholism, depression or other issues. I would start there.

Personally, I wouldn't write a letter to the judge, but I might see if I could talk to your brother's attorney and lay out all the details to him. He has a duty to his client, and he should know the whole picture in defending his client.

[Anonymous]

I should add that LAP programs are free and confidential...

[Anonymous]

If he's a lawyer he's already been offered rehab and apparently refused.

Not to be mean but he's grown. Any intervention you try will not succeed. HE has to make that decision.

[Anonymous]

Sure, you can write a letter to the judge. You can find the address on the court's website.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine why you would even consider this. If your brother loses everything because of your actions, do you really think he will be successful in rehab and do you really think you will have any further relationship with him? I'm not suggesting that you do nothing, but taking action that could cost him his ability to earn a living doesn't sound like it will result in anything productive.

From personal experience, my brother had a DUI and lost his license. He lost his job (blue collar) and then lost his house. Many years later, he still lives with one of my brothers. He has never gotten back on his feet and it has fallen on us siblings to take care of him and support him.

[Anonymous]

I was also going to suggest al-anon.

Also, it sounds like he hasn't hit his rock bottom and I am guessing he won't change until he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine why you would even consider this. If your brother loses everything because of your actions, do you really think he will be successful in rehab and do you really think you will have any further relationship with him? I'm not suggesting that you do nothing, but taking action that could cost him his ability to earn a living doesn't sound like it will result in anything productive.

From personal experience, my brother had a DUI and lost his license. He lost his job (blue collar) and then lost his house. Many years later, he still lives with one of my brothers. He has never gotten back on his feet and it has fallen on us siblings to take care of him and support him.

This guy has had three dui's. There's no reason to think he will stop drinking and driving. There's a very good chance he could kill someone. I think this is what OP is trying to prevent.

I have sympathy for your brother - if that was his only dui it sounds like he learned his lesson. He unfortunately had far fewer resources than op's brother and things went downhill for him. I get that it's bad for him, but that doesn't mean it's okay for op's brother to continue what he's doing.

[Anonymous]

I lost a good friend when he was killed by a drunk driver. I applaud you for taking action before your brother ruins someone else's life.

[Anonymous]

You must show up in court and tell the state that you would like to make a statement when his case is called. You should request that your brother have a court ordered interlock system installed in his car.

A letter... Have not tried that but I think it would have little impact.

It is hard to stand against a drunk family member, but this is what we did. He hated us, but it stopped his drinking and driving.

He got over hating us about a year later. After 3 years with an interlock system, he requested to have it removed, the court agreed and he got another dwi about 6 months later.

[Anonymous]

He is a drunk driver. He should lose his license. I worked with a man whose entire family was killed by a drunk driver. Your brother, and all drunk drivers, should be locked up and the key thrown away.

[Anonymous]

writing a letter to the judge asking someone else to have the conversation you should be having with your brother.