3-year-old Ringbearer - HELP!

[Anonymous]

My very, very "spirited" and high-energy 3.5-year-old DS is a ringbearer in my brother's wedding. I am at a total loss regarding how to prepare him for this or even explain what a wedding is. I'm also not sure how he is going to stay still during the Mass without me or DH sitting with him. Tips? Suggestions other than a glass of wine for me, ?

[Anonymous]

My 3.5yo was the flower girl in a wedding last fall. The couple arranged for me to sit in the front row, and she joined me after walking up the aisle, then rejoined the wedding party when it was time for the recessional.

Worked fine, so perhaps you could suggest the same.

[Anonymous]

My boys never would have been able to pull that off at 3 years old. If you don't think he can do it, let your brother know now.

[Anonymous]

Back out, back out now, and hire a babysitter to watch DS in the church nursery for the ceremony!

Do not listen to the PP with an easy girl.

Unless your DS already has experience sitting still for church, just don't do it. Save yourself some significant stress and expense. I speak from experience!

[Anonymous]

We had 2.5 yo boy as ring bearer- we knew it could be a disaster but it was important to all of us. Mom was also a bridesmaid, so dad managed boy.

So dad sat in front row with bride's family- once procession was done, boy sat with dad, but eventually came out to sit on the altar steps because it was interesting to him. Then he hid for the processional.

We had expected dad to head out of the church to play outside with ring bearer until ceremony was over, but they ended up staying.

Honestly- it is all about perspective- we knew it might not work- but were thrilled when part of it did.

And plan for just a couple of photos with the child.

If the bride/ groom are game then it might work better than you think.

[Anonymous]

We had a 3 yo ring bearer. He came down the aisle. His dad was in the first row and he walked to his dad. Then dad took him out for the rest of mass. I think 90% of the flower girls/ring bearers are taken outside after they walk down the aisle. They're SO excited/nervous about their role that they wouldn't be able to sit still for 15 minutes afterwards. Sometimes it's a grandma or babysitter who takes the kids out if the parents want to stay or are also in the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had 2.5 yo boy as ring bearer- we knew it could be a disaster but it was important to all of us. Mom was also a bridesmaid, so dad managed boy.

So dad sat in front row with bride's family- once procession was done, boy sat with dad, but eventually came out to sit on the altar steps because it was interesting to him. Then he hid for the processional.

We had expected dad to head out of the church to play outside with ring bearer until ceremony was over, but they ended up staying.

Honestly- it is all about perspective- we knew it might not work- but were thrilled when part of it did.

And plan for just a couple of photos with the child.

If the bride/ groom are game then it might work better than you think.

Make sure the bride and groom are CLEAR on what may happen. You or your DH need to sit in the front row of the groom's side. Have him walk down the aisle - and then come and sit next to you. It would be best if you have an escape route planned - many churches have doors to the hallway up front. Know your kid - my oldest would have been awesome at this at 3.5, my youngest...not so much.

Our 3 year old flower girl never made it down the aisle - one of our ushers threw the petals.

[Anonymous]

Bribe him with candy, too. Find a church and practice walking down the aisle. Give him a jelly bean every time he does it right.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the last poster. My just shy of 2 years old nephew was my ring bearer and 2.5 year old niece was the flower girl. Did they do exactly what they were supposed to do? No! Especially the ring bearer! But it was ADORABLE! It really depends on how the couple is about these types of things. If they have expectations of perfection, they will be disappointed. But if they just love your DS and want him in their wedding in any capacity, it could be great. Honestly, my nephew cried through the better part of the ceremony and DH and I DID NOT EVEN NOTICE! We were just focused on us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bribe him with candy, too. Find a church and practice walking down the aisle. Give him a jelly bean every time he does it right.

+1. I'm generally not a fan of candy bribes, but this worked with our 3yo DS when he was a ring bearer. We bribed him with a lollipop.

[Anonymous]

My son was a ring bearer at almost 4, and I was a bridesmaid. DH got him started on the procession, and he walked toward me standing with bride and groom. Groom took ring, and I steered son toward his dad in first row. DH then took him out for the rest of the service.

The photographer brought lolly pops for the photos. Brilliant! Cute pics, happy kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the last poster. My just shy of 2 years old nephew was my ring bearer and 2.5 year old niece was the flower girl. Did they do exactly what they were supposed to do? No! Especially the ring bearer! But it was ADORABLE! It really depends on how the couple is about these types of things. If they have expectations of perfection, they will be disappointed. But if they just love your DS and want him in their wedding in any capacity, it could be great. Honestly, my nephew cried through the better part of the ceremony and DH and I DID NOT EVEN NOTICE! We were just focused on us.

yes your DS might upstage the bride with serious cuteness by not behaving exactly right, causing laughter and distraction on the part of the audience. OR your DS might upstage the bride by behaving badly/crying and being a distraction in a not happy or good way.

If the bride is ok with either of those scenarios, then great! If the bride wants to be the center of attention, then bow out now. It depends on the personality of the bride (and sometimes, where she is in life and her personal development)

[Anonymous]

I have done two weddings when my son was 3 and then 4. Daughter was 1 and then 2. I have them walk down the aisle or carry them. I was a bridesmaid. Then I have a sitter to take them out during the ceremony/mass. I would plan for this. I didn't want them to disturb the ceremony at all so I had a sitter. Sitter brought them back for the recessional. The biggest thing for me with my kids was that they not upstage the ceremony at all.

[Anonymous]

iPad. He might surprise you. I'm thinking of my

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a 3 yo ring bearer. He came down the aisle. His dad was in the first row and he walked to his dad. Then dad took him out for the rest of mass. I think 90% of the flower girls/ring bearers are taken outside after they walk down the aisle. They're SO excited/nervous about their role that they wouldn't be able to sit still for 15 minutes afterwards. Sometimes it's a grandma or babysitter who takes the kids out if the parents want to stay or are also in the wedding.

This is what we did for my sister's wedding. DS was three yo ring bearer. I was already at the altar as the MOH. He walked down the aisle to me, and I took his hand and walked him back to DH. DH sat with him in the back and had the option to quietly leave if DS become disruptive.