Do men care about emotional intimacy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do men care about building a long-term relationship with someone and really knowing them as a person? Do they value that depth?

Or is it really just about the sex and the woman being happy, compliant, and making his life easier?

I'm having a string of interactions lately that are making me believe it's the latter and that's depressing. If that's the case, I'd rather abstain.

if you are asking that question, you are interacting with the wrong men, you have low regard for men generally, or you have low self esteem - probably all three.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 40yo woman so have dated from 25-50yo men. I think a lot of it is generational.

The older men I've dated couldn't have cared less about an emotional connection. Sometimes they just wanted sex, often they wanted a woman to make their own lives easier.

But the younger men I've dated absolutely want one. They're looking for a true partner in every sense of the word, and I think a lot of that comes from watching their own parents' dysfunctional relationships.

I'm currently dating a 30yo old man who is successful and smoking hot. He could have literally any woman he wanted. But he prioritizes emotional connection and long-term relationship potential over sex, so he's been very picky.

If you're having trouble with older guys, try going younger. Early 30s seems to be a pretty good place, they're ready to settle down but not yet jaded like older men.

[Anonymous]

Of course they do. Both scenarios exist; just be open, and you'll find the good ones.

[Anonymous]

In my experience they don’t care as much as women. The only men really invested in emotional connection that I met were in the early dating phase or gay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience they don’t care as much as women. The only men really invested in emotional connection that I met were in the early dating phase or gay

What do you mean by “emotional connection”? Every man I have dated seriously has wanted to spend time with me and get to know me. Do you need men to stare you in the eye while weeping about their dead grandmother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience they don’t care as much as women. The only men really invested in emotional connection that I met were in the early dating phase or gay

What do you mean by “emotional connection”? Every man I have dated seriously has wanted to spend
time with me and get to know me. Do you need men to stare you in the eye while weeping about their dead grandmother?

The key word is you DATED. During dating men are very caring and want to get to know you and spend time either you.in long term partnership job issues, health issues, parenting issues etc often make men switching to a more practical-problem solving attitude and emotional connection with the partner could suffer. Life happens and is not the same vibe as chatting in a coffee place during a first date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do crave emotional intimacy. I also find it much easier to be emotionally intimate with a woman if we are sexually intimate.

I don't crave monogamy, which leads to problems since most women link emotional intimacy to monogamy.

you sound like an exhibitionist. if you can crave emotional intimacy with multiple partners something is wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Just FYI if you stop caring about sex then he will stop caring about emotional intimacy - or housework, or things you want, or talking to you at all.

[Anonymous]

May I ask what defines emotional intimacy?
Genuinely curious because I have been married to someone who seems genetically predisposed to only being interested in what interests him, which includes his family (my family seems non-existent).
His parents are similar in the lack of interest in what other people do for a living, their families, their goals, their dreams. All conversations revolve around themselves or are fluffy pleasant talk.
This emotional intimacy - what if it's only a one way street?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:May I ask what defines emotional intimacy?
Genuinely curious because I have been married to someone who seems genetically predisposed to only being interested in what interests him, which includes his family (my family seems non-existent).
His parents are similar in the lack of interest in what other people do for a living, their families, their goals, their dreams. All conversations revolve around themselves or are fluffy pleasant talk.
This emotional intimacy - what if it's only a one way street?

Then you stop giving so much of yourself to him. He can’t read the room, nor can his parents. Nothing will change because they likely never cared in the first place.
It’s a hard lesson to learn - people like this ultimately don’t give a hoot about anyone else, and you can’t make them.
Take care of yourself, lower your expectations, and mentally flake out of this BS situation you are in.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the relationship dynamics. If the man loves the woman way more, the emotional intimacy and connection are much stronger. As a result, the man is much more emotionally connected to his kids. In situations where the woman is doing all the emotional labor and the couple has poor emotional intimacy it seems like it’s because the woman chased the man at the start of the relationship or gave them an ultimatum for marriage. The man was just going along with everything and is generally complacent. If a man truly loves you and cherishes you he will definitely want an emotional connection. A lot of complacent men use women for various reasons and benefit off of their labor and the benefits are all they care about. Their needs are getting met fully and they don’t need emotional intimacy because that’s not why they married the woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on the relationship dynamics. If the man loves the woman way more, the emotional intimacy and connection are much stronger. As a result, the man is much more emotionally connected to his kids. In situations where the woman is doing all the emotional labor and the couple has poor emotional intimacy it seems like it’s because the woman chased the man at the start of the relationship or gave them an ultimatum for marriage. The man was just going along with everything and is generally complacent. If a man truly loves you and cherishes you he will definitely want an emotional connection. A lot of complacent men use women for various reasons and benefit off of their labor and the benefits are all they care about. Their needs are getting met fully and they don’t need emotional intimacy because that’s not why they married the woman.

No, just no. Men who feel emotional connection don’t marry women for free labor. It’s not because she “chased” him. These men are just not capable to connect: you see men getting second, third sets if kids and families. They certainly didn’t connect well to either of their family sets

I’m convinced that ability to emotionally connect stems from childhood, life experiences and not all men are capable connect , no matter what a woman does

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 40yo woman so have dated from 25-50yo men. I think a lot of it is generational.

The older men I've dated couldn't have cared less about an emotional connection. Sometimes they just wanted sex, often they wanted a woman to make their own lives easier.

But the younger men I've dated absolutely want one. They're looking for a true partner in every sense of the word, and I think a lot of that comes from watching their own parents' dysfunctional relationships.

I'm currently dating a 30yo old man who is successful and smoking hot. He could have literally any woman he wanted. But he prioritizes emotional connection and long-term relationship potential over sex, so he's been very picky.

If you're having trouble with older guys, try going younger. Early 30s seems to be a pretty good place, they're ready to settle down but not yet jaded like older men.

Your experience with younger men is more like a self selected group who are looking for a mommy figure. The 30-somethings you are not dating are probably more the average male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just FYI if you stop caring about sex then he will stop caring about emotional intimacy - or housework, or things you want, or talking to you at all.

The reverse sequence happened for me. No help at home, what?! I wanted something? You never said anything... and I cant remember your mother's name or the company you work for.