Frugal people - how to relax a bit with money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to take people making 800k talking being frugal.

Or $400k. I am sure there are eating catfood.

+1. This isn’t being frugal. It’s being miserly. OP should give her money away, because she clearly doesn’t need it.

[Anonymous]

I’m really shocked by how so many people are earning insane amounts of money. Something seems really wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it's some weird mental hangup. We rationally understand we can afford a lot more without jeopardizing security/the future.

But when I go to a fancy restaurant, I mentally still look at all the entree prices and make value judgements. We love to travel but I'm struggling to make the leap to nicer hotels and business class. I don't even like buying the teenagers $140 sneakers. I do it, because it's the kids and it's important to them, but I am outraged by it and would NEVER by myself $140 sneakers.

What is wrong with me? And yes I grew up working class. DH grew up more middle class and later upper middle class by HS, but his parents are also frugal.

I really do want to make the shift. But I am full of guilt over things I don't "need" that are "wasteful."

Interesting. We make a lot more than you and I’ve never spent $140 on sneakers for my now college-aged kids AND I don’t think I’m frugal at all. Maybe I think more of value than frugality. Then again, what’s wasteful to you is not the same to me.

it is all about what you value. My kids knew to not ask for $140 sneakers. My girls knew they were not getting Lulu or real Uggs until they stopped growing (despite half the kids in 1st/2nd grade being outfitted as such). Sure we can afford it, but why would you spend on that (unless you have 2-3 more kids in line to wear it as hand-me-downs)? Once they stopped growing, we were more willing to spend on quality if the kids wanted it---but my kid was happy with Fake Uggs from Costco for many years.

Maybe your kids are young? You’d be hard pressed to find a kid at our public MS or HS without $100+ sneakers and some Lululemon or Ugg clothing/shoes. For the boys it’s professional sports swag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Within reason because obviously you aren’t going to change your entire personality. How to do this?

We are mid 40’s, fully saved for college and doing well on savings; mortgage done in a few years. HHI has increased dramatically in the past few years (400k to 800k+) and expenses have remained low. No plans to change housing expenses but maybe could use some home upgrades and maintenance. Cars good.

How to make the mental shift?

Anyone?

The issue here is that you think that not spending money is a good thing, so you feel proud of yourself for not doing it. If you saw it as a bad thing, you would not do it.

It seems to me that you have more than enough money to cover your expenses. So simply hoarding the money the way you are doing is actually a horrible thing. You should be giving the money to people who really need it, but instead you are being disgustingly selfish and setting a terrible example for your kids. Show them what it means to be fortunate, grateful for that fortune, and charitable to those who need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to take people making 800k talking being frugal.

Or $400k. I am sure there are eating catfood.

It is "frugal" if they are living below their means. If you are saving more than 15-20%, IMO you are living frugally. It just looks different with a high income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m really shocked by how so many people are earning insane amounts of money. Something seems really wrong.

why is it wrong? I'm mid 50s, and I was making 100K+ at age 30. Not in management, just normal progression for an engineer. I'd easily be making 250-300K now, even if I stayed on "technical track" (instead I became a SAHP). Had I gone on the management track I could be making more.

there are plenty of careers that make 200K+, you just need to choose wisely and make it something you enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it's some weird mental hangup. We rationally understand we can afford a lot more without jeopardizing security/the future.

But when I go to a fancy restaurant, I mentally still look at all the entree prices and make value judgements. We love to travel but I'm struggling to make the leap to nicer hotels and business class. I don't even like buying the teenagers $140 sneakers. I do it, because it's the kids and it's important to them, but I am outraged by it and would NEVER by myself $140 sneakers.

What is wrong with me? And yes I grew up working class. DH grew up more middle class and later upper middle class by HS, but his parents are also frugal.

I really do want to make the shift. But I am full of guilt over things I don't "need" that are "wasteful."

Interesting. We make a lot more than you and I’ve never spent $140 on sneakers for my now college-aged kids AND I don’t think I’m frugal at all. Maybe I think more of value than frugality. Then again, what’s wasteful to you is not the same to me.

it is all about what you value. My kids knew to not ask for $140 sneakers. My girls knew they were not getting Lulu or real Uggs until they stopped growing (despite half the kids in 1st/2nd grade being outfitted as such). Sure we can afford it, but why would you spend on that (unless you have 2-3 more kids in line to wear it as hand-me-downs)? Once they stopped growing, we were more willing to spend on quality if the kids wanted it---but my kid was happy with Fake Uggs from Costco for many years.

Maybe your kids are young? You’d be hard pressed to find a kid at our public MS or HS without $100+ sneakers and some Lululemon or Ugg clothing/shoes. For the boys it’s professional sports swag.

My kids are in their 20s. We lived in UMC+ areas when they were in school. But my girls were late MS before they got Lulu or Ugg---as stated, once they stopped growing. MS is very different than ES (where half the girls in 1st grade were dressed like that, for items they'd outgrow in 5-6 months). My son also got nicer stuff once stopped growing, but knew he was not getting more than 1-2 pairs of shoes (he only wanted one at a time). And my girls wore fake Uggs and target leggings happily into HS, along with their Lulu stuff. They were not status seekers. And yes they were popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Within reason because obviously you aren’t going to change your entire personality. How to do this?

We are mid 40’s, fully saved for college and doing well on savings; mortgage done in a few years. HHI has increased dramatically in the past few years (400k to 800k+) and expenses have remained low. No plans to change housing expenses but maybe could use some home upgrades and maintenance. Cars good.

How to make the mental shift?

Anyone?

Don’t make the mental shift. Why would you want to spend money when you don’t need to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it's some weird mental hangup. We rationally understand we can afford a lot more without jeopardizing security/the future.

But when I go to a fancy restaurant, I mentally still look at all the entree prices and make value judgements. We love to travel but I'm struggling to make the leap to nicer hotels and business class. I don't even like buying the teenagers $140 sneakers. I do it, because it's the kids and it's important to them, but I am outraged by it and would NEVER by myself $140 sneakers.

What is wrong with me? And yes I grew up working class. DH grew up more middle class and later upper middle class by HS, but his parents are also frugal.

I really do want to make the shift. But I am full of guilt over things I don't "need" that are "wasteful."

Interesting. We make a lot more than you and I’ve never spent $140 on sneakers for my now college-aged kids AND I don’t think I’m frugal at all. Maybe I think more of value than frugality. Then again, what’s wasteful to you is not the same to me.

it is all about what you value. My kids knew to not ask for $140 sneakers. My girls knew they were not getting Lulu or real Uggs until they stopped growing (despite half the kids in 1st/2nd grade being outfitted as such). Sure we can afford it, but why would you spend on that (unless you have 2-3 more kids in line to wear it as hand-me-downs)? Once they stopped growing, we were more willing to spend on quality if the kids wanted it---but my kid was happy with Fake Uggs from Costco for many years.

Maybe your kids are young? You’d be hard pressed to find a kid at our public MS or HS without $100+ sneakers and some Lululemon or Ugg clothing/shoes. For the boys it’s professional sports swag.

My kids are in their 20s. We lived in UMC+ areas when they were in school. But my girls were late MS before they got Lulu or Ugg---as stated, once they stopped growing. MS is very different than ES (where half the girls in 1st grade were dressed like that, for items they'd outgrow in 5-6 months). My son also got nicer stuff once stopped growing, but knew he was not getting more than 1-2 pairs of shoes (he only wanted one at a time). And my girls wore fake Uggs and target leggings happily into HS, along with their Lulu stuff. They were not status seekers. And yes they were popular.

That’s nice. It’s just not like that where we live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it's some weird mental hangup. We rationally understand we can afford a lot more without jeopardizing security/the future.

But when I go to a fancy restaurant, I mentally still look at all the entree prices and make value judgements. We love to travel but I'm struggling to make the leap to nicer hotels and business class. I don't even like buying the teenagers $140 sneakers. I do it, because it's the kids and it's important to them, but I am outraged by it and would NEVER by myself $140 sneakers.

What is wrong with me? And yes I grew up working class. DH grew up more middle class and later upper middle class by HS, but his parents are also frugal.

I really do want to make the shift. But I am full of guilt over things I don't "need" that are "wasteful."

Interesting. We make a lot more than you and I’ve never spent $140 on sneakers for my now college-aged kids AND I don’t think I’m frugal at all. Maybe I think more of value than frugality. Then again, what’s wasteful to you is not the same to me.

it is all about what you value. My kids knew to not ask for $140 sneakers. My girls knew they were not getting Lulu or real Uggs until they stopped growing (despite half the kids in 1st/2nd grade being outfitted as such). Sure we can afford it, but why would you spend on that (unless you have 2-3 more kids in line to wear it as hand-me-downs)? Once they stopped growing, we were more willing to spend on quality if the kids wanted it---but my kid was happy with Fake Uggs from Costco for many years.

Maybe your kids are young? You’d be hard pressed to find a kid at our public MS or HS without $100+ sneakers and some Lululemon or Ugg clothing/shoes. For the boys it’s professional sports swag.

My kids are in their 20s. We lived in UMC+ areas when they were in school. But my girls were late MS before they got Lulu or Ugg---as stated, once they stopped growing. MS is very different than ES (where half the girls in 1st grade were dressed like that, for items they'd outgrow in 5-6 months). My son also got nicer stuff once stopped growing, but knew he was not getting more than 1-2 pairs of shoes (he only wanted one at a time). And my girls wore fake Uggs and target leggings happily into HS, along with their Lulu stuff. They were not status seekers. And yes they were popular.


I make 7 figures and would never buy myself $140 sneakers. My kids on occasion. But their Lululemon stuff comes from Poshmark. I dont have a spend it bc you have it mentality. I want them to learn good habits too. But we have a very nice house/do private school and a very good commute. Not feeling the need for a therapist to discuss why $140 sneakers is never gonna happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out the reasons you have anxiety about spending money.

For me, it's because my parents made me work full time over the summers and winter breaks to have spending money and contribute to tuition. They cut me off senior year in college because they didn't like my boyfriend. Money in the bank is security to me so I have a buffer against job loss, divorce, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Within reason because obviously you aren’t going to change your entire personality. How to do this?

We are mid 40’s, fully saved for college and doing well on savings; mortgage done in a few years. HHI has increased dramatically in the past few years (400k to 800k+) and expenses have remained low. No plans to change housing expenses but maybe could use some home upgrades and maintenance. Cars good.

How to make the mental shift?

Anyone?

Now is not the time to make this mental shift.

Yes I am going to politics because now it not the time to be spending one dime that is not necessary.

Trump is destroying the whole country. This was always the plan. There is no reality it is not going to get exponentially worse in the next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out the reasons you have anxiety about spending money.

For me, it's because my parents made me work full time over the summers and winter breaks to have spending money and contribute to tuition. They cut me off senior year in college because they didn't like my boyfriend. Money in the bank is security to me so I have a buffer against job loss, divorce, etc.

Same
Age 17 left home never ever did my parents support me again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out the reasons you have anxiety about spending money.

For me, it's because my parents made me work full time over the summers and winter breaks to have spending money and contribute to tuition. They cut me off senior year in college because they didn't like my boyfriend. Money in the bank is security to me so I have a buffer against job loss, divorce, etc.

Same
Age 17 left home never ever did my parents support me again.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to figure out the reasons you have anxiety about spending money.

For me, it's because my parents made me work full time over the summers and winter breaks to have spending money and contribute to tuition. They cut me off senior year in college because they didn't like my boyfriend. Money in the bank is security to me so I have a buffer against job loss, divorce, etc.

Same
Age 17 left home never ever did my parents support me again.

Great. I left home at 15. Mine supported me even less. Didn't cause me to have anxiety about money.
Money in the bank is security and that why most work and save, but where does the anxiety come so easily? I moved from continent to continent and was homeless the first few months 3 times. Still no anxiety about spending money.
None of the things you mentioned is a big deal.