Sometimes I Don’t Let My Black Sons Have Too Much Fun in Public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. We are POC and I limit my child too. If my child acts up, there are stares and a lot of judgement. It scares me.

Like the time I was trying to buckle my kid into the car seat. DC hated the car seat and was wailing and screaming bloody murder. An older white man aggressively approached my car and stood there next to my car while giving me an angry look. The look said “I’m watching you! Better not abuse your kid!” He just stood there, staring me down, the entire time I was desperately trying to buckle my kid into their seat. I was really scared he would call the cops on me.

Anyway, yes, I understand where you are coming from OP.

You should have called the police on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone feel better now that they apologized for being White? Good, carryon.

I didn't see anyone apologize for being white, but I'd feel better if you apologized for being a jackass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am European and was raised to not express too much energy or emotion in public. It's uncouth.

My kids are grown now, and apart from when they were little, playing in public playgrounds or having fun at birthday parties, they have also been raised to control themselves in public. And even in playgrounds and parties, I told them to be aware of others, not bump into anyone, not cut in line for activities, not scream, etc.

I think that's normal. I know you're injecting racial fears into this discussion, but there are other reasons why parents might wish to have their kids not be complete terrors outside.

Your concerns are legitimate, OP. Unfortunately the world is a harsh place and your children need to learn to exist in it.

I am American and I was raised to celebrate life and not for new everyone to be miserable to satisfy the misery of the most miserable person in the room.

You can go back to Europe and cry about how everyone there prefers imperialistic American culture to your local culture. It's uncouth to call your hosts "complete terrors".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember our black neighbors wouldn't let their boys play tag, etc, at the bus stop, and I really felt for them. How hard it must be to say no out of fear for the inevitable overreaction to your kid just being a kid. I'm sorry, op.

Not letting kids play tag at the bus stop is common sense for all skin colors.

You sound like one of those annoying parents who believe that society should think every pip and squeak from junior's orifices should considered winsome and sweet. It's not. Your kid is annoying.

I wouldn't let my kids run around at the bus stop. Usually most are near private property so you are letting your kid run around on someone's lawn and its rude. If it were my lawn, I'd turn the sprinklers on and soak all of you. Teach your kids manners and to behave in public. I expect good behavior all the time and they were taught from a young age.

No one wants to deal with kids like yours.

I'd buy ice cream for any kid who runs on your lawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parenting skills have failed you OP. I’m black and don’t feel this way at all. My husband is white though and raised my boys to fear him from before they could talk. I wasn’t raised like that but it really does work, as our kids never get stared at like yours and I almost never have to speak to my children about their behavior. If I do it’s something like do you want me to tell your father about this when we get home? That straightens them out pretty quickly, even though he at worst raises his voice. They haven’t been spanked or anything since they were about 3. It’s definitely a cultural or parenting issue and not a black issue because our kids are darker skinned.

OP here:
Your reading skills really missed the mark. As I already said, I’ve never witnessed my kids being scrutinized more than others. That’s precisely why I framed it as a fear—not a confirmed reality, but a concern I carry nonetheless. And I think that fear is legitimate, given how perception often works in this world.

My wife is actually far less concerned about this than I am. But that probably has something to do with how I grew up. As a Black male—unlike your husband—I don’t have the luxury of assuming that people will always judge my sons fairly. That’s where this comes from. But sure, keep missing the point.

I’m not missing the mark, You are concerned about the side eye, you stated people judge you for disciplining your kids in public. I’m black I don’t fear for my black children, I also don’t get any side eye because I don’t have to discipline them in public. This is a you problem, probably a result of your parenting skills.

Congrats on internalizing your racism so that your children fear your abuse more than racist strangers. Your parents must be so proud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. We are POC and I limit my child too. If my child acts up, there are stares and a lot of judgement. It scares me.

Like the time I was trying to buckle my kid into the car seat. DC hated the car seat and was wailing and screaming bloody murder. An older white man aggressively approached my car and stood there next to my car while giving me an angry look. The look said “I’m watching you! Better not abuse your kid!” He just stood there, staring me down, the entire time I was desperately trying to buckle my kid into their seat. I was really scared he would call the cops on me.

Anyway, yes, I understand where you are coming from OP.

There should be stares if your kid acts up but it ain’t happening because he’s black. It’s happening because your kid is annoying AF. and some races definitely beat on their kids in Publix and others don’t, people should be watching out for it so they can cps you if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parenting skills have failed you OP. I’m black and don’t feel this way at all. My husband is white though and raised my boys to fear him from before they could talk. I wasn’t raised like that but it really does work, as our kids never get stared at like yours and I almost never have to speak to my children about their behavior. If I do it’s something like do you want me to tell your father about this when we get home? That straightens them out pretty quickly, even though he at worst raises his voice. They haven’t been spanked or anything since they were about 3. It’s definitely a cultural or parenting issue and not a black issue because our kids are darker skinned.

OP here:
Your reading skills really missed the mark. As I already said, I’ve never witnessed my kids being scrutinized more than others. That’s precisely why I framed it as a fear—not a confirmed reality, but a concern I carry nonetheless. And I think that fear is legitimate, given how perception often works in this world.

My wife is actually far less concerned about this than I am. But that probably has something to do with how I grew up. As a Black male—unlike your husband—I don’t have the luxury of assuming that people will always judge my sons fairly. That’s where this comes from. But sure, keep missing the point.

I’m not missing the mark, You are concerned about the side eye, you stated people judge you for disciplining your kids in public. I’m black I don’t fear for my black children, I also don’t get any side eye because I don’t have to discipline them in public. This is a you problem, probably a result of your parenting skills.

Congrats on internalizing your racism so that your children fear your abuse more than racist strangers. Your parents must be so proud.

Nobody is abusing my child, they behave because they were taught to behave. They are loved and respected AND they behave. I realize you ain’t used to black kids behaving but mine do cause they was raised by a white man.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. But i understand this is a way to protect your kids and help them stay safe. I'm not sure if this helps, but joy is also resistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parenting skills have failed you OP. I’m black and don’t feel this way at all. My husband is white though and raised my boys to fear him from before they could talk. I wasn’t raised like that but it really does work, as our kids never get stared at like yours and I almost never have to speak to my children about their behavior. If I do it’s something like do you want me to tell your father about this when we get home? That straightens them out pretty quickly, even though he at worst raises his voice. They haven’t been spanked or anything since they were about 3. It’s definitely a cultural or parenting issue and not a black issue because our kids are darker skinned.

OP here:
Your reading skills really missed the mark. As I already said, I’ve never witnessed my kids being scrutinized more than others. That’s precisely why I framed it as a fear—not a confirmed reality, but a concern I carry nonetheless. And I think that fear is legitimate, given how perception often works in this world.

My wife is actually far less concerned about this than I am. But that probably has something to do with how I grew up. As a Black male—unlike your husband—I don’t have the luxury of assuming that people will always judge my sons fairly. That’s where this comes from. But sure, keep missing the point.

I’m not missing the mark, You are concerned about the side eye, you stated people judge you for disciplining your kids in public. I’m black I don’t fear for my black children, I also don’t get any side eye because I don’t have to discipline them in public. This is a you problem, probably a result of your parenting skills.

Congrats on internalizing your racism so that your children fear your abuse more than racist strangers. Your parents must be so proud.

My parents are dead, but I’m very proud of myself and my beautiful family.

[Anonymous]

I am black. I have three black boys. My children are the rough and tough type and two of them have adhd. I teach them how to act when they are out and about due to them being a human being that is cohabitating with other human beings. I do not teach my children to act a certain way because they are black or because white people are around. People can and will find any reason to give me a side eye ( I mean, I do have a great ass The good thing is, I am in control of my emotions and how I react. I choose not to feel judged. I choose not to feel that it is based on my race or the race of my children.

[Anonymous]

It is a fact that POC are held to a higher standard. Black boys especially - well behaved, well dressed, well groomed.

[Anonymous]

The OP is chat GPT nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parenting skills have failed you OP. I’m black and don’t feel this way at all. My husband is white though and raised my boys to fear him from before they could talk. I wasn’t raised like that but it really does work, as our kids never get stared at like yours and I almost never have to speak to my children about their behavior. If I do it’s something like do you want me to tell your father about this when we get home? That straightens them out pretty quickly, even though he at worst raises his voice. They haven’t been spanked or anything since they were about 3. It’s definitely a cultural or parenting issue and not a black issue because our kids are darker skinned.

OP here:
Your reading skills really missed the mark. As I already said, I’ve never witnessed my kids being scrutinized more than others. That’s precisely why I framed it as a fear—not a confirmed reality, but a concern I carry nonetheless. And I think that fear is legitimate, given how perception often works in this world.

My wife is actually far less concerned about this than I am. But that probably has something to do with how I grew up. As a Black male—unlike your husband—I don’t have the luxury of assuming that people will always judge my sons fairly. That’s where this comes from. But sure, keep missing the point.

I’m not missing the mark, You are concerned about the side eye, you stated people judge you for disciplining your kids in public. I’m black I don’t fear for my black children, I also don’t get any side eye because I don’t have to discipline them in public. This is a you problem, probably a result of your parenting skills.

Congrats on internalizing your racism so that your children fear your abuse more than racist strangers. Your parents must be so proud.

Nobody is abusing my child, they behave because they were taught to behave. They are loved and respected AND they behave. I realize you ain’t used to black kids behaving but mine do cause they was raised by a white man.

I don’t believe a black woman wrote this. Not for a minute.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm a mom of a mixed black son. And yes Dad and I both struggle with this dynamic. I want him to still be able to be a kid. A Well behaved, aware of his surroundings, gracious and helpful to the elderly and children smaller than him kid. He holds doors. He takes shopping carts back to the store. He picks up bread that has fallen in the grocery store and puts it back on the shelf. He plays with the smaller kids in our neighborhood really well and is gentle with them even though he's a boisterous kid most other times. He's 7. I want him to experience joy and be a kid and squeal at the pool and play knights at the local park with other kids. But you're right we do temper him and it's not just due to the surroundings or environment as many other parents are discussing. And this goes to the fact that he will have to learn to make himself more appealing to the majority when he's older and not looked upon as a cute little black kid. It's already starting as he gets bigger. He is very well developed muscularly and that will be a disadvantage as he presents older than he is. Your description of tempering to the middle of the pack white kid is apt .that's how my husband would explain it but he's probably even more strict because he's had white friends take cops all over a city after pulling away from a DUI or run into a parked police car and they get slaps on the wrist. And while $$$ plays a role thats only if they don't shoot you first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. We are POC and I limit my child too. If my child acts up, there are stares and a lot of judgement. It scares me.

Like the time I was trying to buckle my kid into the car seat. DC hated the car seat and was wailing and screaming bloody murder. An older white man aggressively approached my car and stood there next to my car while giving me an angry look. The look said “I’m watching you! Better not abuse your kid!” He just stood there, staring me down, the entire time I was desperately trying to buckle my kid into their seat. I was really scared he would call the cops on me.

Anyway, yes, I understand where you are coming from OP.

There should be stares if your kid acts up but it ain’t happening because he’s black. It’s happening because your kid is annoying AF. and some races definitely beat on their kids in Publix and others don’t, people should be watching out for it so they can cps you if needed.

Sorry but I don’t shop at Publix. I also don’t beat my kids.

- PP