Playground behavior question

[Anonymous]

My son has Hypotonia, DCD and Sensory issues. He is immature socially. We have him in OT and a social skills class but progress is slow. We also do martial arts and swimming.

At school, the playground has always been a nightmare as he cannot keep up, and says he is very discouraged.

He says he is teased but the teachers say she does not think he is. She says the boys want to play with him. However, I think it seems weird b/c the other boys always want him to chase them and have him be the monster. Of course he can never catch them. My son says they call him "slowpoke". He feels sad and gets angry.

What would you do? He does not want to go to school (DCPS K).

Thanks

[Anonymous]

Does he have an IEP? If not, I would ask for an evaluation and get him one.

Ask the k teacher who will be a good match for him and invite those kids over for one on one play dates. I agree that the current play makes your child an outlier. After getting the IEP, you should ask for social supports during recess such as an adult facilitator to have a more inclusive type of play.

Having social skills classes at your school will help with this. Is your child good at board games? Play those with him so he'll get good and give him confidence. While my son with a similar profile will never be the fastest, he can beat anyone in his class in connect 4.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like my kid at that age. He didn't want to play with most of the boys b/c they were "too rough," his words, not mine. He finally found a mellow buddy to hang with during recess.

It's still early days. It he still hasn't found his footing in a few weeks, I'd go back to the teacher again.

Let your son know that it's okay to say no to other kids if they want him to play chase or other game he doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Try gymnastics vs. martial arts. I found it much better for coordination issues.

[Anonymous]

It took our DS a few weeks when he first started in K to find a group of friends that didn't want to play sports all the time. But he did and now recess is really fun for him.

Agree with PP's suggestion that you might ask the teacher to suggest some other kids who also don't like to play rough games. In our school's three K classes, I'd say there were at least 4-5 boys like this.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks everyone. It has been a tough couple of weeks and today was really bad. Any advice is very much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op. I would not go along with the teacher's assessment re what is going on at recess. Have you considered asking for a meeting so she will know you are concerned about the problem?

[Anonymous]

This sounds so familiar. Our DS always felt like the other kids were picking on him. K and pre-K teachers pointed out that more often than not he instigated the rough play and was as rowdy as any of them, but he was always on the outside--it was never really reciprocal, and it was clear the other kids thought he was odd. I think PP's suggestion of one-on-one playdates is a good one. A private neuropsych profile would be good too, to help you understand what is going on with him. We waited too long for ours, but when we did it it was very very helpful.

[Anonymous]

My low-tone, uncoordinated little guy found a few nice girls to play with in K. They did swings, tag, hide and seek, etc. Do you know any of the other families in the class?

[Anonymous]

Can you talk with the teacher again to say that this continues to be a problem? I would tell the teacher that the issue is causing your child not to want to come to school and you need their help.

You can also send an email or go to to the principal. In my experience, that usually gets people to pay attention.

Do you have an IEP? If so, I would make sure to reference that your child has a disability in every communication with the school.

[Anonymous]

If the school is not being helpful are there any moms who are plugged in to the school and might be able to suggest some other kids you can invite over for playdates?

There are definitely other boys this age who don't want to play rough games is not so unusual. You just have to make an effort to find them.

If I were you I'd do a few playdates a week with these other kids… In K kids really start to form strong opinions about other kids so you won't be able to force any friendships but at least you can get them more comfortable with each other.

[Anonymous]

My experience OP is that the teacher *and* the parent may both have less information than they need-- especially when it comes to the role of social skills and playground politics.

What helped us was an independent evaluation that included classroom and recess observations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience OP is that the teacher *and* the parent may both have less information than they need-- especially when it comes to the role of social skills and playground politics.

What helped us was an independent evaluation that included classroom and recess observations.

Where do you find someone to do a playground evaluation? Considering for an early elementary student.

[Anonymous]

Any of the groups that have educational consultants can do it.

[Anonymous]

My DC isn't coordinated either and was the only one in the class who couldn't go through the climbing structure at school.
I took DC to the school playground on weekends to practice over and over again.