Polite way to say no to in-law visit?

[Anonymous]

My in-laws, who rarely visit us (we usually go to them, 3,000 miles away) want to visit this fall. They are nice people, and our kids would enjoy the visit. However, DH and I are going through a rough time right now in our relationship, and we don't want the added stress of a 7-day in-law visit now, just as things are slowly getting better between us.

How do we politely decline/postpone? We'd like to just postpone them until spring, but aren't sure what to say, since they almost never visit us. Work excuses won't work, unfortunately.

Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws, who rarely visit us (we usually go to them, 3,000 miles away) want to visit this fall. They are nice people, and our kids would enjoy the visit. However, DH and I are going through a rough time right now in our relationship, and we don't want the added stress of a 7-day in-law visit now, just as things are slowly getting better between us.

How do we politely decline/postpone? We'd like to just postpone them until spring, but aren't sure what to say, since they almost never visit us. Work excuses won't work, unfortunately.

Any suggestions?

Just say you reviewed your calendars and there is too much going on leading up to the holidays. Then suggest three SPECIFIC sets of dates in the spring and ask them to pick one or suggest a few others. Getting the spring dates on the books will reassure them that it is actually happening, you're not just putting them off vaguely and indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

"Sorry, that just won't work for us right now. I know the kids would love to have you visit; can we plan for the spring?"

Do NOT give a reason why you're saying no.

[Anonymous]

Are you visiting them for the holidays or anything?
Without telling them what's going on, they are likely to have hurt feelings. Not saying you should let them come anyway, but I think more of some kind of excuse than "that won't work" is necessary. Why aren't work-related excuses feasible?

[Anonymous]

What does your DH have to say? Can he handle the situation?

Are there no plans to see them for the holidays this year?

[Anonymous]

If your parents were wanting to visit under the same circumstances would you be fine with your husband telling them they should not?

[Anonymous]

Just Say No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents were wanting to visit under the same circumstances would you be fine with your husband telling them they should not?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents were wanting to visit under the same circumstances would you be fine with your husband telling them they should not?

Not op. PP life is not FAIR. Only children adhere to this immature everything-must-be-tit-for-tat-in-our-families mentality. You seem to pop up with this craziness in every post about in laws. My guess is you are a mil or fil who feel your children must give you exactly the same amount of facetime as the other in laws. No. People are different. Some are wonderful and some are unbearable. There is no "law" that things have to be equal.

[Anonymous]

Let your husband handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents were wanting to visit under the same circumstances would you be fine with your husband telling them they should not?

Not op. PP life is not FAIR. Only children adhere to this immature everything-must-be-tit-for-tat-in-our-families mentality. You seem to pop up with this craziness in every post about in laws. My guess is you are a mil or fil who feel your children must give you exactly the same amount of facetime as the other in laws. No. People are different. Some are wonderful and some are unbearable. There is no "law" that things have to be equal.

While I agree with you, I think the question you are addressing was meant to point out that her DH should be dealing with this, not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents were wanting to visit under the same circumstances would you be fine with your husband telling them they should not?

If you had actually read the post, it is clear that OP and her husband are on the same page about this, and that it has nothing to do with whose parents are asking to visit: "we don't want the added stress of a 7-day in-law visit now, just as things are slowly getting better between us."

Hmm...I might have to agree with the PP who thinks you are a FIL or MIL obsessed with your own family dynamics are are just projecting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents were wanting to visit under the same circumstances would you be fine with your husband telling them they should not?

Not op. PP life is not FAIR. Only children adhere to this immature everything-must-be-tit-for-tat-in-our-families mentality. You seem to pop up with this craziness in every post about in laws. My guess is you are a mil or fil who feel your children must give you exactly the same amount of facetime as the other in laws. No. People are different. Some are wonderful and some are unbearable. There is no "law" that things have to be equal.

While I agree with you, I think the question you are addressing was meant to point out that her DH should be dealing with this, not her.

Ahh. You may be right and I may have assumed what pp meant. Thanks for pointing that out.

[Anonymous]

I agree you should let your husband handle this. Coming from a DIL, it will just sound bad and you may offend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents were wanting to visit under the same circumstances would you be fine with your husband telling them they should not?

Not op. PP life is not FAIR. Only children adhere to this immature everything-must-be-tit-for-tat-in-our-families mentality. You seem to pop up with this craziness in every post about in laws. My guess is you are a mil or fil who feel your children must give you exactly the same amount of facetime as the other in laws. No. People are different. Some are wonderful and some are unbearable. There is no "law" that things have to be equal.

Not the poster you were referring to and still have little kids so no a MIL , but time and again, we see posts by DIL's wanting one set of rules and acts of tolerance for their families and a different set for their DH's. Perhaps this describes you. In any event, this is not a tit-for-tat situation, but a question of whether the poster is taking a less tolerant approach to her inlaws than she would to her own family.