My bf is perfect on paper: just have a gut feeling it isn't right

[Anonymous]

I don't understand it. I met my bf 3 years ago and we are 27 years old. He has not proposed yet even though he always says he will. I am always paranoid that he has not because he doesn't want to. He says he really wants to but he needs time to save for the ring. I also only met his parents 1 year after we dated. He would keep me away from his family because I am black and he says his mother is racist. We finally met and she was kind of a drunken mess and asked me awkward questions. Since then, she has tried to be nice and invites me over to their house and has offered to take me dress shopping with his sister for an upcoming wedding of his friend's that I am invited to.

Things seem like they're coming around...I just have this sinking feeling that something's off.

Am I being paranoid?

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut. Forget what's on paper. He doesn't have to be bad, he just has to be not right for you.

[Anonymous]

Is his family white? Or some other culture? How close is he to his family -- i.e. does their approval matter or would he do whatever he wanted regardless of what they said? I've seen instances where men will date women of another culture/race for years but will not propose until/unless their family is happy about -- which sometimes never happens. As much as they say they're their own men, they can't go against their mother's wishes.

[Anonymous]

27 is young yet, but yeah, go with your gut.

[Anonymous]

It would bother me if my gf was keeping me at arm's length because her family didn't like my race. Why do you want that kind of drama?

That being said, I'm a white guy, and if my mother objected to me dating a black woman, I wouldn't take her seriously and would insist that she keep that attitude to herself if she wants me in her life.

Not all men are mama's boys who need their parent's blessing for their significant other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would bother me if my gf was keeping me at arm's length because her family didn't like my race. Why do you want that kind of drama?

That being said, I'm a white guy, and if my mother objected to me dating a black woman, I wouldn't take her seriously and would insist that she keep that attitude to herself if she wants me in her life.

Not all men are mama's boys who need their parent's blessing for their significant other.

Well, after initially keeping me away he fought with her and told her she needed to be nice to me or she will not be involved in our life.

[Anonymous]

Follow your gut!!! I ignored that same feeling and now I am stuck in a miserable marriage.

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut, please.

[Anonymous]

Title says it all about what women truly desire in a mate: "perfect on paper..."

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut. Dump him, sooner rather than later. For your own sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would bother me if my gf was keeping me at arm's length because her family didn't like my race. Why do you want that kind of drama?

That being said, I'm a white guy, and if my mother objected to me dating a black woman, I wouldn't take her seriously and would insist that she keep that attitude to herself if she wants me in her life.

Not all men are mama's boys who need their parent's blessing for their significant other.

Well, after initially keeping me away he fought with her and told her she needed to be nice to me or she will not be involved in our life.

Well, at least he sticks up for you, and doesn't require her approval for everything. He can't help it if his mother is a bit backwards. As long as you don't have to deal with his parents too often, and they are respectful towards you when they are around, then just go by you feel about your boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Your gut is important but I think before dumping him you might meet with a counselor and talk some of this out. I had similar feelings about DH early in our relationship, waited it out for a few months, and then realized we were perfect for one another. Couldn't be happier.

But that may not be the case for you, your gut may be onto something. Or you may have a lot of anxiety about various issues and talking it through could help you sort out if it's him or if it's something that's missing in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Is your gut that he might not be the right one for you?

Or is it that he doesn't want to marry you?

You are young, but you don't want to waste too much time on one relationship during your prime dating years.

Are you ok with a small ring?

Maybe tell him that, you'd rather be engaged with a small one than wait for a larger one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe tell him that, you'd rather be engaged with a small one than wait for a larger one.

[Anonymous]

Perfect on paper for you means, "man with racists relatives"? WTF

I'm white and I would dump his ass. Move on girl.