Husband who has never rejected me ever just did it twice in one week

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08/30/2015 11:13

Subject: Husband who has never rejected me ever just did it twice in one week

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Anonymous

Trying to keep an adult head and rational feelings about this. For most of our relationship, my husband had a much higher sex drive than I did, and as such, he has literally never turned me down for sex and has never not been incredibly enthusiastic at the prospect, no matter what. I know that's a little nuts perhaps, but that's the way it's always been, to the extent he has told me do wake him up any time, etc. I have always felt bad about the differential in our sex drive, and have been made a huge effort over the past two years to improve my libido, which has been increasingly successful. Right now we are trying to conceive as well, so for the past couple of months, for about a week and a half at a time I try my hardest to be "on" every other day. We are otherwise at about 2x/week on average, which is probably still slightly low for my husband, but still slightly high for me, and it's been a perfect "compromise" for the time being while I continue to increase my capacity for more frequency.

All of that is to say ... the past couple weeks have been conception efforts of the every-other-day variety, and twice he has turned me down. The rational side of me knows this is perfectly reasonable and fair, that I have turned him down a million times over the years, and that TTC can take a toll even if the caliber of sex has been maintained so far in the process. One night he told me to wake him up if I got in the mood, and when I did, he was too tired (has NEVER happened before). Another night a few days and a one or two escapades later, he was cranky from a long torturous bedtime with our toddler and was just not in the mood (also NEVER has happened before, he has even volunteered at times to take over my turn for bedtime duties with the very challenging toddler in hopes that I would be more likely in the mood later that evening). Both of these things were totally understandable in isolation, and totally things that would and have happened before on my end, but ... it feels painfully like rejection of me personally as opposed to rejection of sex on a given night.

I think it's probably a good and healthy transition in our sex relationship to one where we both are in the mood more than the other at times, and where we are at a high enough frequency that this could even happen. But damn it still is painful, after 9 years of "I never don't want you" to suddenly be in a place of "I sometimes don't want you". It makes me suddenly very insecure, which was a lot of my problem with sex early on in the first place (which I had greatly improved, but which seems now to be faltering again with this new development). It was not until two years ago that I ever even initiated sex, and for whatever psychological reasons, it was HARD for me do - it still is, the vulnerability of that is really tough for me, but it's become slowly easier over time the more I just make myself do it, and that was made easier by his 100% totally reliable eager receptiveness. Now that that has changed, initiating at all is going to be a lot harder again.

I don't know why I'm sharing this with a bunch of strangers, but it's not the kind of thing I can share with anyone personally. I did tell him that this has been a surprisingly painful shift for me, but that I know I'm not being reasonable and that I will adjust. Has anyone been through anything similar, or can anyone share any insight?