Mom's of elementary age boys..

Anonymous
DS keeps telling me all about the time outs he gets at school (he is in K) but not as many time outs as a few other boys. It's only day 3, should I reach out to the teacher? We talk to him about the importance of listening and how this is not good but I am wondering how concerned I should be about this or if this is just normal. He says none of the girls get time outs ever.
Anonymous
Normal. Just keep working with him at home.
Anonymous
Doesn't seem like the best tool for school-aged kids, but I'm just another mom. I'd be concerned though.
Anonymous
^PP here. FWIW, my 1st grader DD also got notes sent home about her lack of self control -- too much talking.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Doesn't seem like the best tool for school-aged kids, but I'm just another mom. I'd be concerned though.


What method does your teacher use if no time outs when children are not listening?
Anonymous
Time outs? Odd. We've encountered things like moving their "color" to yellow then red - they bring home a valanced every day w their "color" on it (green being the default).... I'd reach out to the teacher to find out more about " time outs". Seems developmentally inappropriate. Most teachers also send a note home explaining discipline (one used "monster manners" and they had to "move their monster" etc...... This was all explained in a note the first day of sch then in detail on BTS night. Good luck!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Doesn't seem like the best tool for school-aged kids, but I'm just another mom. I'd be concerned though.


What method does your teacher use if no time outs when children are not listening?


In all honesty- unless there is a SERIOUS BEHAVIOR ISSUE... time out should be be used so early in K. Hate to say this - former teacher here- but while of course give it more time, teacher and students settling in, I would also be watching carefully, listening to child, and how he feels. More developmentally appropriate will be positive discipline- focus on what you want the child to do, find time for positive; plus teacher may need to think about his/her style, and if time out so necessary so early on- is there enough activity/movement for kid (are they on the carpet for too long listening to her talk)?

Easier said than done but try to be patient but aware and watchful. IF you do need to speak wiht the teacher- talk about how your child is feeling, how he explains the situation, so as to decrease defensiveness of teacher.
Anonymous
Time outs are really more for preschool. By K I wouldn't expect them except with children with severe behavior problems and even then, only if the teacher had a large class/was overwhelmed/ no assistant etc. That is, they are a last resort because the teacher doesn't have proper backup. Not a good sign.
Anonymous

Which school? I don't think time-outs were allowed in our MCPS school.

Not saying they're not efficient if used correctly, but... seems to be going a bit against the grain these days.

Anonymous
How about emailing teacher something like:

"This is not urgent and I know you are busy getting settled into school. My little Johnny tells me he keeps getting time outs in your class. Please let me know if there is any way we can support you/ reinforce something at home. Thank you,"
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:How about emailing teacher something like:

"This is not urgent and I know you are busy getting settled into school. My little Johnny tells me he keeps getting time outs in your class. Please let me know if there is any way we can support you/ reinforce something at home. Thank you,"


+1 It's pretty normal to be having challenging behavior as new kindergartners are settling in, esp. boys, and good to keep the lines of communication open. At your teacher conference or back-to-school night you can ask for more information about how the teacher manages classroom behavior.

My DS (who is on the young end for his grade) definitely had classroom behavior management problems...not to scare you but he didn't really settle down until 4th grade. I wanted to hug his 4th grade teacher when she started his conference by saying, "He's doing great, a little chatty, but great" instead of our usual experience of diving right into behavior issues. We knew we were off to a challenging start when early in K, DS told us one day that he "didn't get in trouble, he just had to go visit the principal." He didn't get that being sent to the principal's office was a serious consequence. Sigh. It gets better but you do need to stay involved.
Anonymous
My K son only got 2 time outs during the entire school year last year. He is a good listener and always follows directions. He went to preschool since he was 2.5.

We have friends with kids who got time outs daily. There are a handful of kids who seem to consistently not listen to the teacher. I do admit that the reasons for the time outs seemed really innocent like talking while teacher is trying to do a lesson. Maybe your teacher is trying to set ground rules.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My K son only got 2 time outs during the entire school year last year. He is a good listener and always follows directions. He went to preschool since he was 2.5.

We have friends with kids who got time outs daily. There are a handful of kids who seem to consistently not listen to the teacher. I do admit that the reasons for the time outs seemed really innocent like talking while teacher is trying to do a lesson. Maybe your teacher is trying to set ground rules.


Just wanted to add that our teacher did not use time outs usually unless there was some sort of argument amongst kids.

She used owls on this color chart and motivators. She would also give verbal warnings like, "Andy, 1". She would walk around giving out these coupon things that were motivators. 10 motivators and you got to go to the treasure box and pick out a prize (stickers, toys, school supplies).
Anonymous
Boys get punished more thwn girls in K. They just have more trouble than most girls adjusting to the behavior standards of K.

All three of my kids are in elementary and middle school. Whem they were in K, every time I visited the classroom for any reason (parent night, reading day, class party, etc) the stoplight/school bus/turtle behavior chart would have several boys on red, maybe one or two girls plus a half dozen boys on yellow, and most of the girls plus two or three of the boys on green. This is in different states, different teachers and different experience levels of teachers. Whenever this topic has come up with other parents who have various aged kids, they all say the same thing about their boys kindergarten experiences.

By the end of the year most of the boys manage to make it to mostly yellow and green, but there are always a few that are perpetually on red. It is sad to see and not the right method in my opinion.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Boys get punished more thwn girls in K. They just have more trouble than most girls adjusting to the behavior standards of K.

All three of my kids are in elementary and middle school. Whem they were in K, every time I visited the classroom for any reason (parent night, reading day, class party, etc) the stoplight/school bus/turtle behavior chart would have several boys on red, maybe one or two girls plus a half dozen boys on yellow, and most of the girls plus two or three of the boys on green. This is in different states, different teachers and different experience levels of teachers. Whenever this topic has come up with other parents who have various aged kids, they all say the same thing about their boys kindergarten experiences.

By the end of the year most of the boys manage to make it to mostly yellow and green, but there are always a few that are perpetually on red. It is sad to see and not the right method in my opinion.


This has been our experience too, and the experience of all our friends with K boys. The systems vary, but the reality is always the same. The boys are always in trouble in kindergarten. My oldest son came home with a frown face sticky note on the fourth day of kindergarten. DH and I admittedly probably overreacted in the beginning. I would also check in with the teacher, but, for us, every time we were concerned that our son was a huge trouble maker and we had a serious problem on our hands, we'd check in with the teacher who would tell us that his behavior is normal, he his still learning and practicing boundaries for school, most of the boys are the same, etc. [You could of course ask yourself why "normal" behavior for a 5 year old boy is punishable, but that's another topic.]

He had a very strict, but warm, 1st grade teacher, and within the first 3 weeks of 1st grade, he was on task, and we've really never had a problem since then. He'll be starting 3rd grade this fall.

Our youngest boy starts kindergarten this fall so we're gearing up to experience this all over again and hopefully handle it better ourselves as parents.
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