Inlaws decided NOT to move next door

[Anonymous]

So, this year has been pretty shitty - I've been diagnosed with an illness which has a very poor prognosis. Although, at the moment, I'm doing pretty well and not dying quite yet (I might live another 2-3 years, and there is a small chance I actually live another 10-15 years). So my inlaws, who live across the country, decided that would buy a condo in the building next door to our house. The plan was that they would move here and help out with me and our three young kids as I decline. I should add that I love my inlaws dearly and enjoy them immensely, and honestly would LOVE to have them nearby not just to help with this tragic situation, but just to have them in our lives.

Anyway, long story short, they bailed on the move at the last minute and said that "if/when I am really dying" they will reevaluate the need to move here. I am so pissed and feel totally abandoned. Honestly, I just needed to vent about that -- in reality I understand that it is a huge move for them and they are not going to uproot their lives unless it really is needed. GAH. I also feel they are missing to buy this perfectly located condo at a great price right now; who knows what would happen in a year or two with the market and availability. And I feel desperate to know that my kids will have their grandparents nearby, as I might start to decline very rapidly at any time. GAH again. I can't really talk about this with DH because he felt it was above and beyond what they should have ever offered to do to begin with, and who the hell am I to be mad at them and really expect them to leave the town they've lived in for 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear this. Yeah, in your situation, you need all the support you can get and I understand what you are saying--you needed them to move next to you.

Focus on the bright side. Looks like your kids are lucky to have your grandparents who will relocate and have a big part in raising them. Perhaps they are considering moving into your house instead of the condo? That would be even better for the kids in the long run.

[Anonymous]

That is rough OP. So sorry.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. I understand why you feel frustrated. I hope there is comfort that you will know they will be there if things get worse. I sincerely hope you continue to do well and have many great years ahead. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. How lovely that you like them so much. Would you ever consider moving there?

[Anonymous]

They could move next door to you and start to have health issues of their own and you/your dh could wind up with kids to take care plus your health issues to contend with plus the in-laws to care for.

I think that things happen for a reason, Op. I'm sorry that you are having this stress now. You really do not need it,

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. Please know you are in my prayers tonight.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are sick, OP. I'm rooting for you to be at the upper end of the longevity possibilities. Sorry about your in-laws, too.

[Anonymous]

OP here, and oh my God, Thank you all for your kindness and support. You have me in tears. And, some of you make some good points too so thanks for the perspective. Of course the deeper issue is that I'm grieving the inevitable loss my kids will experience. Of course DH will figure it out and get the help he needs when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. How lovely that you like them so much. Would you ever consider moving there?

We thought about it and we do love the town they live in. But, DH has a really great job that would be hard to replace and I need the healthcare we have here. Not an option now but maybe after I'm gone.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. Thinking of you. Hope this doesn't sound weird considering I don't know you but I am truly sending your and your family love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP. Thinking of you. Hope this doesn't sound weird considering I don't know you but I am truly sending your and your family love.

Thank you, Thank you. Not weird at all. I'll take any of the good thoughts I can get these days

[Anonymous]

Hugs op. I understand your disappointment. Sending you hugs and hopes for a miraculous recovery.

[Anonymous]

I say be honest with them - that you we truly looking forward to having them nearby as a part of your lives, not just as a part of your sickness. Tell them you understand that this is a big move for them and hopefully someday it will pan out. Maybe it will help them process the change to know you are looking forward to it.

Personally I think it would be good for them to come build a relationship now when things are stable for the kids rather then when you are more ill and things are confusing to them (the kids)

[Anonymous]

Your husband should start looking for another job now in his hometown if he is going to be depending on his parents to help with your kids if you aren't around. To expect them to uproot is a bit much.