creepy feeling about guy working in building

[Anonymous]

hi folks:

just wondering if anyone has ever had a creepy feeling about any of the guys who work in the building you live in. there are three guys in mine and two of them are great but the third one is always weirding me out. he lingers to talk to me way too long, asks me things that really aren't appropriate like "where are you going?" and is always wanting to know where DH is. his englisg isn't great, so sometimes i try to give him the benefit of the doubt, like maybe he doesn't know how to say much else.

i don't really know what to do about it, but it makes me uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. You need a deadbolt inside your apartment for when you are home alone. An alarm system wouldn't hurt either. That way he can't let himself in and wait for you to come home.

Don't mean to freak you out but yes, I'd be on my guard. And I'd move. But that's just me.

[Anonymous]

Do you live in Cascade? I had very similar problems there...

[Anonymous]

This is going to freak you out too, but there was a woman that was murdered a few months ago by a building person. She lived alone in Falls Church I think. I can't remember the apartment building now, but it was on the news, and she worked in my office building. Very creepy. I swear I am not telling you this to freak you out, but I am telling you to trust your gut. We have someone like that in our building, he is not friendly that way with me but with our child, so that makes me more inclined to worry. So at first I felt bad because we couldn't communicate due to language, but then I decided that I need to get over feeling bad. So what I have done is I am not rude, but I limit my interactions and just say "good morning" and walk past quickly like we always have somewhere to go.

[Anonymous]

I had a bad experience with a janitor blocking me from leaving the laundry room. I was young and naive, and did not know what to do.
Here are some suggestions;
Get a background check on this guy. A PI will do it in a jiffy.
Get pepper spray, and have it engaged with your thumb on the valve at all times as you leave your apt.
My incident just ended in a pushing and shoving match. I was so terrified, I moved in with a friend and continued to pay rent at my place. Then left when my lease was up.

[Anonymous]

Get a tasar gun and always have to ready when leaving or arriving.


That is definitly cause for concern. I would also lodge a formal complaint iwth the apartment complex, just to create a trail if anything does happen...

[Anonymous]

Have you read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker? I would suggest getting it from the library. I think it will help you decide what to do.

[Anonymous]

We had a guy like that at our place but he's gone now. Our building is run by a management company where newer workers are usually not left alone and they hang out so there would be less time when this guy was ever left on his own. I think he creeped most people out (even guys) and his coworkers knew that but management shuffles workers around a lot so he was probably moved somewhere else. I was always pleasant to him and he seemed grateful that I didn't ignore him like most others. In your case though, I say you know what you feel and trust your instincts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hi folks:

just wondering if anyone has ever had a creepy feeling about any of the guys who work in the building you live in. there are three guys in mine and two of them are great but the third one is always weirding me out. he lingers to talk to me way too long, asks me things that really aren't appropriate like "where are you going?" and is always wanting to know where DH is. his englisg isn't great, so sometimes i try to give him the benefit of the doubt, like maybe he doesn't know how to say much else.

i don't really know what to do about it, but it makes me uncomfortable.

OP, It's simply inappropriate for a worker in your building to ask you where you are going or where your husband is. The fact that he speaks a foreign language is not an excuse. I suggest an email to building management, immediately. Do not feel guilty.

I'm 45, and you strike me as possibly being in your 20's. I don't want to be condescending, but when I was in my 20s I would have made similar excuses for this person. Time and experience have taught me not to, because my own safety is at stake. Experience includes incidents like the disappearance of Chandra Levy and other young women. So I hope that you will take your safety seriously. I second the recommendation of "The Gift of Fear" by De Becker.

[Anonymous]

Okay...I just wanted to say that when I was a middle school teacher, one of my student's parents gave me "The Gift of Fear" as a Christmas gift. I thought it was an odd title to give as a gift...then I saw it in the Dollar Store and figured they bought it there and were just desperate for SOMETHING to give the teacher. About 7 years later, little did I know that the very same book would be so highly spoken of on DCUM! Wish I had kept that copy and actually read it now.

[Anonymous]

I would let the management know that the employee is inappropriately overly familiar, not respectful of personal space, and basically just unprofessional in his manner. I would describe his behavior and focus more on that than on telling them how he makes you feel, although you can mention that in passing. He needs to be coached not to be so emotionally and physically intrusive with tenants, and if he can't do that he needs to be let go. He should be told not to stare, to keep his distance, and not to do things that could make tenants uncomfortable. He is not supposed to try to develop personal relationships with tenants... he's just supposed to do his job. If friendships develop despite his keeping his emotional and physical distance because a tenant reaches out to him, that's different. Sometimes these things are cultural, sometimes they are a lack of understanding of the behavioral expectations that go along with a job, and sometimes the person is actually a "creep".

[Anonymous]

OP, when you mention that he lingers to talk to you, does he have a reason to talk to you in the first place? Is he building maintenance and therefore coming into your house or is he stopping to talk to you in the hallways? I like to exchange pleasantries with people and you probably do too. Perhaps this is why the man is talking to you. you could be right in that it is merely friendship. But at the same time, if you are feeling unsettled, or something does not feel right, then you are not doing yourself any favors by ignoring those feelings.

First -- tell your husband that the guy creeps you out. Always good to mention it to other people.
Second -- talk to the management. Be nice, but talk to them. If this were just some tenant bitching because the doorman has the nerve to expect small talk from her, then I'd say that's something to feel guilty about. But he's asking you where you are going? And where your husband is? Yuck.
Third -- when he DOES talk to you, be polite but distant as long as he sticks to appropriate subjects, like the weather, or whatever professional dealings you have with him. The moment he ventures into personal space, you need to tell him that it's none of his business. If you are too nice and act like you don't know how to react, then he might be encouraged to think this is ok or to keep doing it.
Fourth -- if he is coming into your apartment or has access, nix it. Sorry, but no way in hell should you let him into your apartment.

I used to sort of get followed around as a younger woman, by creepy guys. Some women (especially if you are petite) are just targeted more than others. I think I learned that I was giving off a sort of meek air that encouraged men to step out of boundsd. Not saying that you are doing this, because nothing in your post suggests so, but it's something to think about.

Bottom line: I'd rather hurt someone's feelings than let myself get into danger, so keep your wits about you, don't act intimidated.

[Anonymous]

I've had this feeling before. To make it even more complicated, he was a boarder in a house that I was working in. There was nothing I could do other than not go to work. I locked the doors of whatever room I was in and waited for him to move out.

You should follow your gut...ALWAYS! I am, unfortunately, one of the women who knows first hand what can happen when you do not. I was stalked and then attacked by a creep when I was 12. I should have taken more note of the strange things leading up to it, but I was a kid and didn't really know any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in Cascade? I had very similar problems there...

Overlook in Sterling? How long ago did you have these problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hi folks:

just wondering if anyone has ever had a creepy feeling about any of the guys who work in the building you live in. there are three guys in mine and two of them are great but the third one is always weirding me out. he lingers to talk to me way too long, asks me things that really aren't appropriate like "where are you going?" and is always wanting to know where DH is. his englisg isn't great, so sometimes i try to give him the benefit of the doubt, like maybe he doesn't know how to say much else.

i don't really know what to do about it, but it makes me uncomfortable.

OP, It's simply inappropriate for a worker in your building to ask you where you are going or where your husband is. The fact that he speaks a foreign language is not an excuse. I suggest an email to building management, immediately. Do not feel guilty.

I'm 45, and you strike me as possibly being in your 20's. I don't want to be condescending, but when I was in my 20s I would have made similar excuses for this person. Time and experience have taught me not to, because my own safety is at stake. Experience includes incidents like the disappearance of Chandra Levy and other young women. So I hope that you will take your safety seriously. I second the recommendation of "The Gift of Fear" by De Becker.

OP, I agree with pp. You really need to create boundaries to stop these kind of events from occurring. I'm older too, this kind of crap happened to me a lot in my 20s because I didn't feel confident enough and wouldn't put men in their place when they were out of line. Stop being polite and mannerly, always consider your personal safety, always.

Not a random comment here, just keep this in the back of your mind: never, ever take an elevator ride with a stranger who makes you feel uncomfortable.