Covering for DH's Cheater friends

[Anonymous]

My husband has several friends who are cheating on their wives - the problem is he has opened up to me about it, but now denies telling me - and says his friends are "all talk" no action... I am annoyed that he is revising the truth and covering for his friends... Wonder if this is a red flag that he is hiding something from me too? Is there a man code to cover for your friends? Am I being annoying asking husband to just not bullshit me about his friends - either don't tell me gory truth about their affairs ( I don't care!!) but if you do, don't tell me and then revise what you tell me? (Eg I don't want to have to play dumb/naive wife)..... Does this make any sense?!!

[Anonymous]

Birds of a feather . . .

[Anonymous]

If he's covering for them he approves.

[Anonymous]

Op here - this is all very annoying to me because I take the "I don't judge" approach but a red flag was raised when DH got angry at me for calling him a liar in covering up over his friends - and started accusing some of my friends of cheating on their husbands (crazy allegations!) ugh

[Anonymous]

This probably won't end well, OP. It truly is birds of a feather here.

[Anonymous]

+1. They probably cover for him too. If he had a problem w what they're doing he wouldn't hang out w them.

[Anonymous]

Op again: DH is angry at me for saying he is lying about his friends/ that he has downplays their activity and now says that I have a problem that I "do not respect him" because I am accusing him of lying about his friends behavior.... I am worried about all this and why he is so invested in this issue... I don't care so much about what his friends are doing but don't tell me the truth and then lie about it/ cover it up later, you know??? Should I be worried??

[Anonymous]

He's picking a fight so he has an sxcuse to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Wow...Your hubby sounds extremely wishy-washy on this OP. He basically is going back on what he initially confided in you. That is a sign that he is really immature. Plus the fact that he seems to not think cheating on your spouse is the ultimate sin.

Could be a red flag on his character. You've been warned...

[Anonymous]

Bro code.

[Anonymous]

He's having an affair.

[Anonymous]

Oh for heaven's sake, OP - ignore the previous posters who conclude he is having an affair. Let me give you the inside scoop.

I have a circle of about 10 friends. About half or so have cheated, a couple of them do it every opporunity, a coulple of them have had one offs but don't look for it. Half don't and likely won't.

First - the fact he told you makes it less likely he is cheating. If he had something to hide, he wouldn't raise your suspicions. For my part, I would NEVER tell my DH if one of my friends are screwing around. Two reasons. First, I think its cruel to burden her with that knowledge, especially if she knows the wife. It puts her in a bind of tell or don't tell. And for the cheated on wife, how much worse is it for her that everyone knows but her. Second, we take guys trips, and for my own selfish interest, why do I want my wife thinking there is infidelity going on even if it doesn't affect me.

So your husband probably picked up your scorn for his friends and perhaps realized his telling you makes it harder for him to hang out with them so he is backtracking. And yes, he broke the bro code. But he is probably not cheating.

[Anonymous]

Clean up your marriage before focusing on other people's marriages.

There is no evidence to show that your husband is cheating.

However, you have a HUGE relationship problem with him if he is accusing you of not respecting him (classic narcissistic/jerk behavior) and you are accusing him of covering up for his friends.

So start by standing up for yourself and refuse to be talked to in this way. Lay down boundaries for healthy communication, and stop whining and explaining and defending. Short, direct and pithy phrases work better than long-winded incoherent paragraphs when talking to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again: DH is angry at me for saying he is lying about his friends/ that he has downplays their activity and now says that I have a problem that I "do not respect him" because I am accusing him of lying about his friends behavior.... I am worried about all this and why he is so invested in this issue... I don't care so much about what his friends are doing but don't tell me the truth and then lie about it/ cover it up later, you know??? Should I be worried??

DP... OP you've already got several people telling you "birds of a feather" which means "YES, you should be worried" - why do you keep asking the same question as if no one is giving you their opinion?

And on another note, I hope you're not actuallyl friends with any of those husband's friends' wives, cuz if I knew you knew my DH was cheating and didn't tell me, I'd definitely not consider you a friend anymore. I have broken the news to a few friends, especially the ones whose husbands hit on ME! And they were mad at me at first, but they always ended up being grateful because either they suspected but were in denial, or they had no idea, and they realized it was hurting more not to address it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's covering for them he approves.

Not true. I was put in an extremely uncomfortable situation involving a cheater. I did not approve.