are teachers bossy with their own and others' children?
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Anonymous
| I just wrote this in a comment in another forum, but my MIL drives me crazy with the way she tries to micro-manage my children. She treats them like they are puppets- "drink your juice now" to my 8 yo (does it matter if she drinks it at the beginning of the meal or the end or during? Who cares?), constantly prompting them to tell us things that they could share in their own time, etc. etc. It's like a constant micro-managing of their activities. Is this a teacher thing? Is this level of bossy-ness normal? I can't stand it. If nothing else, having the constant stream of narration of what they are about to do in 30 seconds on their own accord anyway drives me crazy. If we are together for a meal it's as if she feels she is in charge of telling everyone what to say when. She doesn't mean harm and it's not like she's telling them to do anything bad, but I feel like it undermines my kids' autonomy and ability to make their own decisions. |
Anonymous
| It's not a teacher thing, your mom is annoying. Just tell her "mom, they're allowed to drink when they want, please don't micromanage them." |
Anonymous
| No, I don't think this is a teacher thing. (?) This is something with your MIL. A lot of teachers actually like kids who can think for themselves and function without someone standing over them telling them what to do every minute. |
Anonymous
| Ya know what? My MIL was a teacher 30+ yrs and she was the same way. I hate to reinforce this kind of negative thread but Wow! Seriously - and her sons do it too. I sigh and grind my teeth and I call it "belaboring the minutiae" |
Anonymous
| Not a "teacher thing" at all. Just annoying and controlling. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I guess I should have asked, regardless of being a teacher thing, how do you deal with it in a way that is productive for the kids?
If she were, say, telling my children that they should put their hands in the fire I would feel fine interjecting... but it seems weird to make an issue out of things that don't matter at all, by definition. (ie, "No, MIL, she doesn't have to drink her juice now she can drink it whenever she wants" seems a bit much). |
Anonymous
| My mother is not a teacher and does it all the time. Not just the, "drink your milk" comments but directives about the obvious like, "don't slip on the ice" (as if anyone would choose to slip on the ice if given the option). |
Anonymous
+1 I'm a teacher and I don't mdo what you describe. I have 25 kids in a class-- it would be pretty exhausting to try and micromanage them all. |
Anonymous
I don't think it's a teacher thing, but maybe generational? Both my mother and MIL were teachers and they are like this, but so is my father who was an exec. My FIL is the only one out of all of them who seems to get that grandparenting is supposed to be about fun - goofing off, being silly - not doing all the battles of parenting all over again (often in ways that contradict the preferences of the actual parents!). Now my sister is also a teacher but she is all about giving her kids their autonomy. I feel like current parenting thinking is about letting our kids figure things out on their own, make their own choices and experience natural consequences, etc. But my parents weren't like this when I was a kid and they are the same with my kids - just really pushy, and they can't handle the meandering ways of children so they feel the need to force things. It's crazy annoying. I think they think that I am just too overwhelmed (we just had our 3rd 6 months ago) to keep a tighter ship, when in fact I've chosen to reject their parenting style. But they live far away so as long as they don't cross the line beyond annoying/nagging, I let it go so as not to spoil our visits (the controlling ones are always the touchiest to criticism, too, no?). Plus I'm not going to kick a free childcare-horse in the mouth! 
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Anonymous
| I do think it is a teacher thing. Both my mom (a lifelong teacher) and my sister (a former teacher) do it. I also have noticed both of them tend to treat the rest of the family as if they are their students and they are the teachers: what they say, GOES. If you have a different opinion, you are not correct b/c teachers says it is supposed to be this way. I don't think you are crazy, OP. |
Anonymous
| Thanks. Any suggestions regarding how to deal with it? |
Anonymous
| It can be a teacher thing. I've seen it in my family. |
Anonymous
| I do think it's a thing that afflicts some teachers. I've also seen this in higher education with professors who can no longer hold conversations with people--they tend to lecture because that's what they do in the classroom. I will also say that my DH who is a CEO has developed a bad habit of making decisions on his own when they should include me because he has gotten used to the need to make decisions quickly at work, from a position of authority, and I have to remind him that he is not the CEO at home. All occupational hazards. |
Anonymous
This is silly. They would likely be that way even if they weren't teachers. I know plenty of bossy people in professions other than teaching, and I know plenty of teachers who aren't this way. |
Anonymous
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My neighbor is an elementary school teacher and she is BY FAR the bossiness, most unyielding, opinionated, I'm right and you need to shut up person I know who completely flips out if she doesn't get her way or someone breaks her rule (picture a woman screaming in the street because someone parked in 'her' space, which is located in front of someone else's house).
There, that made me feel better. Man, I can't wait to move. I don't think its a teacher thing, but just her personality. What can you do? Either talk to her and continue to point it out when it happens or ignore it. My mom fell into a phrase of starting every single response to a question or request with "Listen to me" because she was watching the grand kids all the time. Finally, I pointed it out to her and she stopped. |