are teachers bossy with their own and others' children?

[Anonymous]

Daughter of a teacher - my mom does it and it drives me up the wall. No suggestions - just sympathy. My mom is a wonderful woman and I love her very much - hope you can look past this with your MIL and have a good relationship with her.

PS: my mom also introduces herself as Mrs. Lastname to EVERYONE. I never really noticed as a child bc it seemed appropriate then, but now I find it so weirdly formal. Like she still introduces herself to my friends that way and she introduced herself that way to our nanny who is her age. Also a teacher thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is a teacher thing. Both my mom (a lifelong teacher) and my sister (a former teacher) do it. I also have noticed both of them tend to treat the rest of the family as if they are their students and they are the teachers: what they say, GOES. If you have a different opinion, you are not correct b/c teachers says it is supposed to be this way. I don't think you are crazy, OP.

This is silly. They would likely be that way even if they weren't teachers. I know plenty of bossy people in professions other than teaching, and I know plenty of teachers who aren't this way.

13:22 here. I agree that bossy people are bossy regardless of their profession. What is probably different is how the communicate and what they are bossy about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter of a teacher - my mom does it and it drives me up the wall. No suggestions - just sympathy. My mom is a wonderful woman and I love her very much - hope you can look past this with your MIL and have a good relationship with her.

PS: my mom also introduces herself as Mrs. Lastname to EVERYONE. I never really noticed as a child bc it seemed appropriate then, but now I find it so weirdly formal. Like she still introduces herself to my friends that way and she introduced herself that way to our nanny who is her age. Also a teacher thing?

PS: I think it's partly a personality thing and partly just reinforced by being in a classroom all day doing it. I am a lawyer and find myself using random "lawyerisms" in inappropriate settings sometimes. Like the other day I asked DH to "take point" on getting DCs dressed. He made fun of me for about a week!

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is a teacher and yes, she does have a tendency to direct people.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and don't do this with my kids. I never tell other kids what to do. BUT my MIL drives me crazy.

[Anonymous]

It may also depend on the age of the students these teachers teach. Maybe ES teachers are more this way?
(There is a tendency on DCUM to lump all teachers together, when actually, there is quite a big difference between the types of people that are likely to teach ES kids versus MS/HS kids).

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher; I don't do it. As a pp said, attempting to micromanage 25+ kids is a recipe for a complete breakdown.
My mother, not a teacher, does this and it drives me insane!! No real helpful advice other than ignore it.
For those that think this is a "teacher thing", I think that rather it is a bossiness or need to be in control that attracts (to some degrees) SOME people to teaching. That may be why some perceive it as such.

[Anonymous]

So, how to handle it?

You might have your husband say to her "Mom, it's really annoying when you are trying to micromanage every single thing during a meal, or when you're with the kids. We are trying to let the children have their own experiences, make their own mistakes, and learn from it. So if they put too much milk in their cup and spill it at 5 years old, they clean it up, no big deal. When they are out with us on the sidewalk, we allow them to run ahead but they must stop at each crossing and wait for us. We don't care whether they drink their milk at the beginning, middle or end of the meal. I don't remember you being like this with me when I was a kid. What gives? Are you worried about something? I'd love to think you are able to just enjoy our kids, your grandchildren.

But she might think she's helping you cope, to which he can say "mom, really, we're fine. Sure, we're not getting as much sleep as we would like to, but our kids are fine - we are making parenting choices not losing control of our children.

I say DH because it's his mother, and if you say all this you will sound like the world's biggest bitch! Horrible, ungreatful, witchy DIL!

Now, of course, if he remembers her being this way when he was a kid, crap, because she probably isn't going to change at this point. But if she's doing more micromanaging than she did as a parent, there's hope.

[Anonymous]

I have several co-workers who were formerly teachers. They are bossy as heck. So annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is a teacher thing. Both my mom (a lifelong teacher) and my sister (a former teacher) do it. I also have noticed both of them tend to treat the rest of the family as if they are their students and they are the teachers: what they say, GOES. If you have a different opinion, you are not correct b/c teachers says it is supposed to be this way. I don't think you are crazy, OP.

This is silly. They would likely be that way even if they weren't teachers. I know plenty of bossy people in professions other than teaching, and I know plenty of teachers who aren't this way.

I can see why you'd think that b/c we are in an anonymous forum and you do not know them, but it really is as if they are treating the entire world as if they are the teachers and the world is their classroom, and no one can know better than they. I am even the oldest sister so, in many ways, AM in fact the most bossy (as oldest kids tend to be) but in say, policy discussions or debates or such around the kitchen table, I'll go back and forth in a measured tone b/c, hey, it is just politics and it is not personal; it is an academic discussion; cerebral; I work with adults; we all have discussions; it's give and take; I may learn something new; you may learn something new; it's an interesting mental exercise. But sis and mom get very agitated and handle it as if no one is following their lead and tend to raise their raises and handle things in a very simplified, "Because I said so. . " type of way. Like they are with the children they work with. When you are discussing things with fellow adults, you cannot simply say the equivalent of, "Because I said so. . ." and raise your voice AND get emotionally upset if no one is "listening" to you or if they come back to you with another thing to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may also depend on the age of the students these teachers teach. Maybe ES teachers are more this way?
(There is a tendency on DCUM to lump all teachers together, when actually, there is quite a big difference between the types of people that are likely to teach ES kids versus MS/HS kids).

Yes, could be more of an ES teacher type of thing.

[Anonymous]

I have a bunch of Preschool teachers in my family. They are not like this at all but are instead incredibly nurturing and good listeners.

I'm suspecting those who want to teach at various educational levels are attracted to those positions due to their innate personalities.

[Anonymous]

Yes, teachers are bossy. they suck.

[Anonymous]

It was a teacher thing with my mum. She assumed at all times that people were children who needed to be wrangled. I'd point out to her that we weren't mentally challenged yet she'd still continue.

[Anonymous]

My mom taught elementary school. Not like that at all. I mostly notice how much space she gives them to explore and learn on their own while also knowing when to swoop in.