Overpromising and underdelivering

[Anonymous]

Would love to know how others feel about this situation, and what if anything, I should say to DH.

We have been married for 6 years as of early August. Last year, for our 5th anniversary, DH decided to give me the diamond eternity band I have been wanting forever (I just have a plain band now). However, he didn't actually give it to me - he printed a picture of one and said he wants it to be perfect so we will talk to a jeweler and have one made. We spoke to a jeweler re: specifics and then decided to hold off until DH got his sizable bonus in February as it was the smarter thing to do. We both work really hard and make good money (although not talking about no longer needing to work kind of money). Well, February has come and gone, DH got the bonus and even bought himself a watch as a celebratory gift since he has been wanting one. But there has been zero mention of my band since then. I did bring it up once right before he got the actual money and he said he was on it and I didn't need to remind him a million times.

Well, last month DH asked me what I want for our anniversary this year, and I said the only thing I can think of is a night away from the kids for the 2 of us (my mom offered to come and stay). We decided that our mutual gift was going to be a trip that DH would plan. Now our anniversary has come and gone and first off, there was no mention of the band which annoyed me, and second, DH mentioned at our dinner that he is still working on the trip but due to our busy schedules it may not be for a few months. I can guarantee you that the only way this trip is happening is if I plan it myself.

On the one hand, I think he has good intentions but it really upsets and frustrates me that DH is giving me gifts that he is not following through with. Trip aside, I made it clear to him that I wanted something special for our 5th anniversary that I could have forever (ie jewelry). Now I have nothing at all, and kind of feel like if he didn't give me the band within a year of our anniversary it doesn't really count as the gift. And it hurts that he seemingly doesn't care enough to follow through - yes it is expensive but we have the money so I don't know what the issue is.

For what it's worth, he is a good husband and father (we have 2 kids) but has never been the most thoughtful or romantic kind of person. He is kind of aloof when it comes to gift giving and it generally stresses him out a ton. But still, that's not an excuse in my book.

How should I broach this with him, or do I just not bring it up?

[Anonymous]

I'd buy the band for myself. And I'm sorry you have to do that, but this looks like it's just how the guy you married is.

[Anonymous]

Can you bring it up? Like maybe go out for lunch, have a pleasant conversation and then mention. "BTW, what happened to the ring you said you were going to give me? I know you said not to remind you but I really would love it"

[Anonymous]

I think ... you're placing too much importance on tangible items. Basically, you seem materialistic. You said yourself that gift-giving stresses your husband out a TON. He's a good husband and good father. So stop stressing him out. You want a night away? So plan a night away!

You're standing on ceremony here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think ... you're placing too much importance on tangible items. Basically, you seem materialistic. You said yourself that gift-giving stresses your husband out a TON. He's a good husband and good father. So stop stressing him out. You want a night away? So plan a night away!

You're standing on ceremony here.

She told him what she wanted. It wasn't stressful when he was buying himself a watch. He was probably in a jewelry store when he bought it, how hard would it be to say "give me that too"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ... you're placing too much importance on tangible items. Basically, you seem materialistic. You said yourself that gift-giving stresses your husband out a TON. He's a good husband and good father. So stop stressing him out. You want a night away? So plan a night away!

You're standing on ceremony here.

She told him what she wanted. It wasn't stressful when he was buying himself a watch. He was probably in a jewelry store when he bought it, how hard would it be to say "give me that too"

Then OP should just buy it for herself. They've already picked out everything and they have the money. OP, just walk into the store and plunk down your cc. Why is the ring better if it's your husband that does that?

[Anonymous]

Diamond eternity bands are a dime a dozen. Can't see any reason anyone would have to have one specially made. That being said, you've found your husbands shortcoming- buy the jewelry yourself and plan the rip yourself. I'm sure there are other things he's good at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ... you're placing too much importance on tangible items. Basically, you seem materialistic. You said yourself that gift-giving stresses your husband out a TON. He's a good husband and good father. So stop stressing him out. You want a night away? So plan a night away!

You're standing on ceremony here.

She told him what she wanted. It wasn't stressful when he was buying himself a watch. He was probably in a jewelry store when he bought it, how hard would it be to say "give me that too"

Then OP should just buy it for herself. They've already picked out everything and they have the money. OP, just walk into the store and plunk down your cc. Why is the ring better if it's your husband that does that?

Because he said he was going to get it for her, in a way that was significant, and also asked her to stop reminding him about it because he was handling it. If my husband did this, I would feel disappointed, and I would also be annoyed because why would you offer to do something if you're not going to follow through?

As for planning it herself, speaking as the person who plans all the trips in my family, on the incredibly rare occasion when my DH plans an outing, it feels even more luxurious. I know he's going outside his comfort zone, which makes me appreciate the gesture even more. If he actually volunteered to do it and then didn't do it, I would be sad, but I would not be that surprised.

[Anonymous]

OP here... 16:14 got it exactly right. It is so rare that DH gives me a gift at all that it seemed even more special and meaningful. Yes I could buy the band myself but that is beside the point. I Got DH something he absolutely loves for our anniversary and he should have reciprocated the same. And he did... He just didn't follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... 16:14 got it exactly right. It is so rare that DH gives me a gift at all that it seemed even more special and meaningful. Yes I could buy the band myself but that is beside the point. I Got DH something he absolutely loves for our anniversary and he should have reciprocated the same. And he did... He just didn't follow through.

OP, you need to ask him about this, as hard as it may be. Work up some courage and bring it up in a calm, nice way. If he gets angry at you, that is on him. He is the one who dropped the ball and he is the one who needs to fix it.

It's also super selfish that he bough a watch for himself and didnt even get you any present at all. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Call the store. Have them put it on hold. Tell DH the name of the person he should speak with. Done.

Help him carry out the promise.

BTDT.

[Anonymous]

OP, let it go... This nagging about a ring makes you sound pathetic. Is he a faithful husband and involved father? Congratulations! That's worth a 100 diamond rings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, let it go... This nagging about a ring makes you sound pathetic. Is he a faithful husband and involved father? Congratulations! That's worth a 100 diamond rings.

So women have to settle for the crumbs now?

He gets a new watch and she's supposed to be.... thrilled by his very existence?

Seems like a bum deal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let it go... This nagging about a ring makes you sound pathetic. Is he a faithful husband and involved father? Congratulations! That's worth a 100 diamond rings.

So women have to settle for the crumbs now?

He gets a new watch and she's supposed to be.... thrilled by his very existence?

Seems like a bum deal to me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd buy the band for myself. And I'm sorry you have to do that, but this looks like it's just how the guy you married is.

+1

This is my DH. I hate it but have accepted it.