Did I overreact to rude niece.
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Anonymous
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My niece is a teen, and I have been having trouble dealing with the smart mouth, talking back, arguing. The typical teen stuff. Only concern about her, and this is an aside, I don't think that she even knows how to be polite if she tried. There are rude teens who can pull it together when they need to, but I don't think she is one .
I have been having serious memory and vision problems since starting menopause. I recently took my niece and my kid on a vacation and dealt with the incessant rudeness the whole time. She yelled at me in front of other people and so on. She wore me out. I will never have her along again since she is an embarrassment and a bad influence I my kids. After we got home, I thought I left something at the hotel that had great sentimental value to me. I looked all over the house and did not see it. She came over to my house with her mother to visit my mother. I was visibly upset since I had that item for 35 years, and replacements are expensive. She came into the kitchen and spotted the item right away. She repeatedly screamed out loud, "there it is!" Then started laughing at a crazy volume. Like really loud, then ran out of the house laughing even louder to her mother laughing really loud at me. As she was running out of the house I told her to stop, she just ignored me and continued on laughing so loud she felt a need to cover her mouth. I then raised my voice and told her to stop. Her mother got mad at me for telling her to stop, so they both hopped in the car and left right away. When I told my husband what happened, he in his typical nasty hateful way, said that I did not thank her for finding the item for me. But there was no time to thank her, she started with the craziness immediately. She might not like me, but some respect would be nice. Since she is not my child, it is easy to keep her at bay in the future. I just don't get the behavior. Another relative of mine said that she never remembers her manners. But my husband is acting like it was my fault. I don't trust his opinion since he is never on my side (this is not the topic of the thread). I'm curious to hear other more objective opinions. Please pardon typos. Vision is not great. |
Anonymous
| She was uber annoying. You did overreact. |
Anonymous
| Either its a parenting issue or something more, like a mental health issue. Either way you cannot fix it so just ignore as she's looking for a reaction and stop inviting her to big things. Why bring something expensive and sentimental on vacation? |
Anonymous
OP here. Sorry about the distraction of the item, it is not super expensive but money I would just rather not spend to replace it. |
Anonymous
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When nobody is on your side it is time to look inward.
Your H and your sister are not on your side. Yes. Your niece is rude, but it might be a a reaction to how annoying you are. |
Anonymous
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She is rude. You were embarrassed and this piled on to the annoyance that had been building with her over the vacation. Her mother was rude for not correcting her.
You say it will be easy to keep her at arm's length. Do it. If anyone comments, be honest that you are experiencing a tough time, niece is not respecting you and you just need some space so you don't say or do anything that will upset anyone else. This kid is clearly going to alienate others so I highly doubt you'll be alone is avoiding her. |
Anonymous
When I have my kids at other peoples homes, they have to behave. I never give them an option. This case would be no exception. It never works to be rude to someone at their house. If my dd must be rude, and I can't imagine when that would be, it can never happen in someone else's home. |
Anonymous
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Niece sounds like a brat. Believe me, I know the type.
If you are able to avoid this child, consider yourself lucky. -a teacher |
Anonymous
OP here. This is good advice. Thanks. I sorta have the right to say that I am going through a rough time, because I am. Another relative told me it is a time to focus only on my children. |
Anonymous
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She sounds very rude. That said, you did overreact. I get it, you were riled about about your missing item, but it sounds like you've never corrected her before and the correction for this time was really for all of the other times.
Btw, I don't think just telling her to stop is an overreaction. It sounds like you followed her out of the house to do it and that seems a bit over the top. I agree you should limit your time with her in the future. I also feel a bit worried for you that, as another PP pointed out, no one is on your side. Sounds like menopause is rough on you and it might not hurt to see someone to help you have an easier go of things. I wish you the best. |
Anonymous
Thanks, I agree that my reaction had to do with the previous weekend of rudeness. She belittles me and really likes it when I make a mistake. Like when I got a parking ticket, she just loved that. Actually told me that I did not know how to read parking signs. It hurts a lot because I have poured money and time into her when she was young. Swimming lessons, college fund and so on. Husband never takes my side, maybe once in our marriage, not sure. My mother said nothing, she hates to see the fighting. Sister defends her kids at all costs, as she should, at least in public. |
Anonymous
OK this is odd. Don't go out of your way to spend a long period of time with someone you know is rude, and then be surprised, and complain about it. Don't make a decision that you already know will not end well. Maybe in all aspects of your life. Your life will be much happier |
Anonymous
| So you were upset about losing something terribly important to you. You looked all over your house then your niece comes over and finds it for you. It was right under your nose in the kitchen. When that happens to me (like losing my sunglasses when they are tucked into the front of my shirt and looking all over for them) and one of my kids point out that the obvious that I overlooked they have a good laugh about it. Then I do too for being so clueless. I am relieved the object has been found and move on. You could have had a good laugh about this and thanked your niece. Her being rude on vacation is a separate issue, which is not acceptable. |
Anonymous
| We've pretty much stopped hanging out with my cousin because of the way his son acts and my cousin's refusal to deal with it (he's a single dad). He thought it was funny when his son sent a rude and borderline threatening email to my husband's work email. |
Anonymous
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She's incredibly rude and it doesn't sound like her mother is much better.
Personally I would limit time spent with them, and there is no way in hell I would spend time or money treating her to anything like a vacation. |