Any new ideas or personal experience? 5 year old having a rough time adjusting

[Anonymous]

My 5-year-old started kindergarten on Monday. His father left for six months about 3 days before that. A lot of our family routines have changed to adjust for dad's absence, and his daily schedule has changed a lot.

He has been getting progressively more unhappy and angry in the late afternoons. Yesterday, he had an epic meltdown when it was time to put away an activity (he had plenty of warnings and a countdown that time was coming). I do think the major remedy is time to adjust, but yesterday's meltdown was tough for me to handle. I actually worried for the first time ever that he might hurt himself, me, or a sibling in the course of throwing a fit.

One major possibility is that he is hungry. Kindergarten lunch is at 10:30am, and I think his typical small afternoon snack of a cheese stick may not be enough. Dinner is at 5/5:30.

Has anyone gone through a similar adjustment who might have suggestions? Or at least tell me it gets better over time? With dad gone, it is difficult to do much one-on-one time in the evenings, because I also have younger children who have to be monitored.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me that the behavior is not at all surprising with a bunch of changes and Kindergarten being one of them. You didn't mention his routine before, but we had a problem like this last year that was at least partially because my son lost his nap when he went to Kindergarten. Also, it was a lot more sitting than he had done at preschool and that wasn't terrific.

I definitely think he could also be hungry. 10:30 is so early to eat lunch! I would try a bigger snack after school and if you can some kind of that one-on-one time that you admit is so hard to come by. Also, if he is used to getting a lot of outside time, that has probably diminished a lot with going to school and see if you can up it. That was a problem for us so we just walked to and from school and I tried to get him some playground time after I picked him up.

I expect it will get better as he adjusts!

[Anonymous]

Poor kid and poor you! You guys are both going through a lot right now. He's probably hungry, exhausted, and stressed. None of us do well when we're hungry, exhausted, or stressed. Try to get him some more sleep, a larger snack right after school, and just take things as easy and slow as you possibly can for the next few weeks. He'll settle in.

[Anonymous]

His behavior is normal. My DS had a really hard time adjusting to K. He would have huge meltdowns everyday after school for months. I would bring snack in car for pickup to try to head off meltdown, and then allow some unwind time, and early bedtime until he gets used to the demands of K.

[Anonymous]

Thank you! I'm glad to hear this is at least somewhat normal. I think I will try throwing the kids in the backyard after snack, too.

[Anonymous]

Yes, totally normal, even without dad being gone. What has always helped my son is being handed a snack the moment I see him, and then me keeping my mouth shut while he eats and recovers. I pick him up at carpool, so he gets in, I hand him a snack, say "good to see you, Love," and by the time we are a few miles down the road he is ready to chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, totally normal, even without dad being gone. What has always helped my son is being handed a snack the moment I see him, and then me keeping my mouth shut while he eats and recovers. I pick him up at carpool, so he gets in, I hand him a snack, say "good to see you, Love," and by the time we are a few miles down the road he is ready to chat.

This is fantastic advice. My DD is the type who needs quiet time to unwind as well.

[Anonymous]

Yes - also normal - and like you we went through other changes at the same time. (Moving countries, and living with dad again after dad had been not living with us for 9 months).

[Anonymous]

Be patient mama, with him and yourself. Big changes like this are apt to bring behavior changes in young children. Can you talk to him? Ask him how he is feeling, what he is thinking? Help him to process his emotions and then give him opportunity to let it go. Hugs mama, sorry that you are dealing with this alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be patient mama, with him and yourself. Big changes like this are apt to bring behavior changes in young children. Can you talk to him? Ask him how he is feeling, what he is thinking? Help him to process his emotions and then give him opportunity to let it go. Hugs mama, sorry that you are dealing with this alone.

I'm trying. He's usually very articulate and well-behaved. We hit a wall around 5pm, however, when he starts to act more like an overtired two or three-year-old, and it's hard to rein it in. At least he's sleeping ok! So far, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 5-year-old started kindergarten on Monday. His father left for six months about 3 days before that. A lot of our family routines have changed to adjust for dad's absence, and his daily schedule has changed a lot.

He has been getting progressively more unhappy and angry in the late afternoons. Yesterday, he had an epic meltdown when it was time to put away an activity (he had plenty of warnings and a countdown that time was coming). I do think the major remedy is time to adjust, but yesterday's meltdown was tough for me to handle. I actually worried for the first time ever that he might hurt himself, me, or a sibling in the course of throwing a fit.

One major possibility is that he is hungry. Kindergarten lunch is at 10:30am, and I think his typical small afternoon snack of a cheese stick may not be enough. Dinner is at 5/5:30.

Has anyone gone through a similar adjustment who might have suggestions? Or at least tell me it gets better over time? With dad gone, it is difficult to do much one-on-one time in the evenings, because I also have younger children who have to be monitored.

Be sure to give his teacher a heads up. He or she may be able to support you at school with getting little Billy to adjust. Maybe he can have some quiet time or an extra snack. Shoot the teacher an email or pop in to discuss. I definitely think the snack needs to more than a cheese stick because kids typically don't eat a lot during the early lunches because they just ate breakfast a couple of hours ago. Also does he drink water? Increase his water intake as well. The first two week to month of adjusting to K is going to be difficult. Eventually he will adjust.

[Anonymous]

+1 on amping up the afternoon snack.

My kid gets snack plus lunch in school, plus a snack in aftercare. I always bring something at pickup -- a banana, a half PB&J, 2-3 cheese sticks. If I don't do this, and especially for the first 2-3 months of preK last year, we didn't make it the 3 blocks to the bus stop without a complete meltdown. We'd eat dinner 45 minutes later, and he'd still eat fine at dinner.

[Anonymous]

Give a bigger snack than a cheesestick right after school. My DD is entering 7th now, but for a few years in elementary she could easily eat an entire meal after school and then have plenty of room for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Last two PPs, this is good to know. That is significantly more food than he has eaten in the past, and it wouldn't have occurred to me to try it. But I will!

[Anonymous]

The best piece of advice I've gotten is to not take anything DS says personally until 10-15 minutes after his post-school snack. He's a totally different kid afterwards. I also tried to suggest low-energy activities once we were home from school during the beginning of the school year--we did a lot of quiet crafts/Legos while listening to music and I think it helped him decompress from having to be 'on' all day at school.